I have a small problem that I would like to consult my family about. The whole thing could be very sensitive to some people and so I will describe my problem as carefully as I can to avoid any hurt feelings. The problem is with my daughter, my mother-in-law, and my overprotection. Family-wise, I trust any of you to hold or watch my daughter. I don't even think twice about handing her off to someone who would like to hold her. At my in-law's house, it's a bit of a different story. And part of my frustration with myself is that I don't have any problem with Jay's dad holding Kameryn. I think he's so sweet to her and I know he really loves her and she holds a special place with him. My mother in law loves her too and wants to hold her. And when she does, I pretty much hold my breath until I get her back. I think all of you know the problems that Jay's mom has, and in addition to her mental problems she also takes medication that makes her shake really badly. And logically, I KNOW that mental illness is exactly that, an ILLNESS. I know she can't control it anymore than she can control the shaking as a side effect of the medication she takes. So that part of my fear I know is a little bit founded on some fact and I know I shouldn't hold any of it against her.
My biggest concern is the grudge I seem to hold against her. She called today wondering what plans she should make for Monday since I'm going back to work and said she's "looking forward to watching the baby." To this I admit thinking something like, "Um, no, NEVER." When we go over there sometimes I find myself thinking things such as, "This baby is in no way a part of her, she has no claim on Kameryn at all." And biologically it's true, but I should know better than to think things like that! She raised Jay and saved him from what could've otherwise been a really awful life for him. Yet I see the pain that she causes people, albeit out of her control, and I want to save Kameryn from that.
Does anyone have any suggestions on this? I know it's something I need to deal with as Mary Jane will be in Kameryn's life for as long as she lives. Plus, it's a constant problem since we live so close. Can anyone help me reframe this so I can get over it? I try to think that it's one more person in Kameryn's life that loves her and I should be grateful for that, but even that thought doesn't help.
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3 comments:
So I'm not technically your family.....what the heck, I'll email you anyway! :)
I agree with dad, that you should take her over there so that Mary Jane can see her and not feel like she is being left out, but I probably wouldn't leave her alone with Kameryn. I have been getting off work early, so I will help if I can. :)
Sorry--the Doctor in me has to know....what EXACTLY does MJ have, and what drug is she on that makes her shake? If you don't want to post the answer, just email me. I'm DYING to know!!! =)
As for your problem, I would also agree that you definately don't want to make her feel like she's not welcome in Kameryn's life. She has been really sweet and supportive all through your pregnancy. I wouldn't leave her alone with the baby though. I'm anticipating having the same problem when Steve and I finally get around to having kids. I know that Steve's parents are going to want to watch the baby, and I just can't trust them with her. Like your mom-in-law, Steve's parents both have health problems--his dad is diabetic, and he is terrible about watching his blood sugar. He gets dizzy often, and he even passes out quite a bit. Steve's mom has had strokes in the past, and sometimes she is with-it, and sometimes she isn't. I just wouldn't feel safe leaving a baby or child alone with them. That said, I would NEVER want to make them feel like they couldn't be a part of my children's lives--I would make sure I took the kids to see them as often as possible.
Anyway--I have to study!
Cheers!
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