Friends

Baltimore

Not long after I started my current job the neurologist for whom I work started saying he wanted to train me to do nerve conduction studies to help him out. We talked about it a lot, and I told him I was interested, and I even started reading materials on it and practicing on Jay. (Jay is such a good sport!) But then we got so busy it fell by the wayside.

Until recently.

At the end of March we found a class on April 21 and 22. In Baltimore, Maryland. And last week we found out the hospital agreed to pay for me to fly out and take the class. So a few days later I registered for the class and paid for my flight and hotel! And now I'm a week and a half away from flying across the country by myself!

I'm both excited and REALLY nervous! But this was one of my goals on my list of 28 goals for this year, so I'm excited to get to check off such a big goal so early!

That Awkward Moment When...

You're making a list of 28 things you want to do while you're 28 and you realize that you REALLY want to put "Read All the Harry Potter Books Again" on it.

I Seriously Love These Kids

Sleep-Talking

So does everyone remember how Jay talks in his sleep?

He usually talks a bit, more mumbling, and I can only catch a word or two.

But the other night, in the middle of the night, he started laughing. The way Jay laughs when he's really pleased with himself.

And this, verbatim, is what he said, while still sleeping:

"Half past eleven.

Eleven-thirty.

Thirty minutes past eleven.

I snapped a fly with my coat and sent it spiraling to it's death!"

And then he chuckled a few more times and was asleep again, silent, with me laying next to him. Laughing uncontrollably. And saying it to myself over and over so I could remember to tell him the next morning.

And anyone who knows Jay will probably guess that when I told him what he had said, he got a huge smile on his face and was just as proud of himself as he had been the night before!

And the Oscar for Best Picture Goes To....

Every year Chelsee and I (try to) go see all of the movies that are nominated for an Academy Award for Best Picture. Chelsee always succeeds. I have failed every year. Except this year! This year, for the first time, thanks in large part to Jay's parents for babysitting and Jay staying home to watch the girls, I actually saw all nine movies nominated for the Best Picture category! Hooray for finally reaching this goal!

In trying to figure out which one I liked the most, I thought I'd blog a little blurb about each one. Up till now I've been ranking them in order of which ones I'd most like to watch again, and that's not going to work out anymore. Some of them are so beautiful and feel so personal that I don't think I'd watch them again, but I still love them.

In the order that I watched them, here are some of my thoughts on the movies:

Moneyball: I thought this movie was really interesting. It's a baseball movie that doesn't show any baseball games. It plays out more like a documentary. It's a documentary on how the little guy in baseball, the Oakland A's, took a gamble in order to keep up with the bigger teams in baseball that have so much more money. Brad Pitt paired with Jonah Hill made the movie witty and thoughtful. They have a dynamic that was so much fun to watch. I loved any scene they were in together. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, and this movie is one I'd definitely watch again.

Midnight in Paris: Directed by Woody Allen, this movie wasn't one I was really looking forward to. And, it could be argued, it's not one I was able to watch in its entirety because the night before we watched it Reagan woke up with a stomach bug and I stayed up with her during the night. Thus making me fall asleep for several (short! I promise!) times during the movie. But, I was pleasantly surprised with this movie. It's one I wanted to keep thinking about, to try and figure out. And how cool of an idea that a man can go at night and meet his literary idols! I loved that! Every movie had a character in it that I just loved, and in this movie it would be Zelda Fitzgerald and Ernest Hemingway.

Tree of Life: I've heard that the audience for the Tree of Life during screenings has been polarized. Some clapped when it ended, and some booed. It was polarized when we watched it, too. I LOVED it. I feel like the filmmaker got into my head, and put on a screen the things I think about when thinking about loss and death. I was able to follow where they led, even when they started showing dinosaurs. Jay, on the other hand, needs to plot things out in his mind. The movie needed to have a timeline, needed to answer some questions, needed to be plotted on the map. So he hated it. He thinks it was too "ADD" for him. But we all know I have no talent for maps. I thought the movie was daring and beautiful and unlike anything else I've ever seen. The closest thing I could compare it to would be "The Fountain." It takes a certain kind of person to "get" this movie. But I feel like I did.

The Help: What I will always remember about watching "The Help" for the first time is that there's a moment at the end when Aibleen says something to her employer, the mother of a little girl that is constantly ignored and belittled. When she said the line it struck me in a way I hadn't prepared for. I don't know why it became so personal to me, but there I was on the couch, trying to fight it back. And nope, it broke through anyway. The ugly cry. The sobbing out loud, throat-so-tight-it's-almost-a-scream cry where everyone else stops watching the movie to look over at you and figure out what your problem is. It was like watching "The Cure" all over again. Before Allison took me aside and said, "Let me teach you how to cry during movies..." So the movie has been overshadowed by a bit of embarrassment. Luckily I was only home with Jay and Chelsee! So.....good movie overall!

The Descendants: In this movie, George Clooney is a man forced into a situation where he needs to be the supporting, stand-alone parent when up until now he had only been the "back-up" parent. It was about him trying to connect with someone when he had let that connection lapse. The awkward moments when you should know things about someone, but you don't. And how to get it back. In the movie his daughter becomes his confidant and co-conspirator and they support each other while learning to trust each other again. Her character made the movie for me. Even though the movie seems to be one blow of bad luck after another, I like that it always feels hopeful.

The Artist: If "The Artist" wins best picture it will be the first time a black and white movie has won an Oscar since "Schindler's List" in 1993, and the first time a silent movie has won since 1927. I wasn't very excited to see it, and it turned out to be better than I expected. They did some interesting things with the bits of sound they did use, making you appreciate the sounds the same way "Pleasantville" makes you appreciate color. And some of the sets were genius, like when the two main characters are talking on the stairs and you can see the floor above and the floor below, one character ascending while the other is on their way down. But in my opinion, if the Academy wants to reward a movie for taking chances, I hope they go with "Tree of Life."

War Horse: If there was a movie I would've missed this year, it would've been this one. Chelsee and I went to a late showing on a weeknight, and it wasn't one I really wanted to see anyway. A movie about a horse? In a war? Really Spielberg? It turned out both better and worse than I thought it would be, and I can't decide if it was a good movie with bad parts, or a bad movie with good parts. Which is more like a zebra than a horse! (Ba dum dum CH!)

Hugo: Scorsese making a kids movie. I had my doubts. Was I the only one who watched "The Departed"? Did a Scorsese kid movie just have a smaller body count? And though the movie was good, I feel like it was just a kid version of "The Artist." I can see that the Academy would love the message about the history of films and how important they are and how transforming they can be. But if Hugo wins it will be disappointing. I wouldn't want other, more daring and beautiful films to miss out because the Academy wants people to remember how much they love movies. Isn't that a bit of preaching to the choir?

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close: Going in, this movie already had some things going for it. It is a movie based on a novel by Jonathan Safran Foer, who is an author I love. The casting is genius with Tom Hanks as the father, and Sandra Bullock as the mother. But I had read the book. I knew how this movie was going to turn out. Plus it's a movie about a boy dealing with his father's death after 9/11. Sitting in the theatre after the lights had gone out but before the movie had started, I had the feeling in my stomach that you get sitting in a roller coaster before the roller coaster starts jerking and trudging up that first hill. Even the movie trailer made me cry, so I was nervous. But not nervous enough. Where the book was heartbreaking, the movie drove all of it home with the images, the sounds, the facial expressions of the boy and his mother. I've heard that this movie doesn't have a good chance of winning best picture, but I think that's a mistake. I think this movie is so personal and beautiful. In my theatre when the movie ended the audience sat in silence for a few minutes. A respectful silence. It was one where, walking out to the car, Chelsee and I couldn't even talk about it yet. That's a good movie.

Oh, Um, Halloween Again!

Reagan was a "ballerina Cinderella" for Halloween. She loved the sparkly blue dress. The one thing she loved more than that, though, was handing out Halloween candy! I got home so that the girls could go trick-or-treating with Jay and I could stay home and pass out candy, but Reagan refused to go trick-or-treating because she loved the kids coming to the door and she loved giving them candy! When no one was at the door, she'd open it and peek out to see when more people would come! And when anyone came to the door she would run and open it, hand out the candy, and when she closed the door again she'd jump around the room yelling, "Mama! I did it!"

Since we live in Provo now we didn't know what to expect when it came to the number of kids trick-or-treating, and we ran out of candy fairly quickly because we

didn't expect THAT many kids! (But yeah, Provo, maybe we should've figured.) So finally when the candy was gone Reagan agreed to go out.

We met up with Jay and The Pink Witch, and went trick-or-treating! Kami loved her costume because there were lights in her skirt, but refused to wear her hat or carry her broom by Halloween. Kameryn seemed to totally understand trick-or-treating this year, but Reagan still got a little confused. Often she would go to the door and just say, "Hi." or once she even screamed out, "HALL-O-WEEN" instead of "trick or treat". Good thing she's cute, everyone let her get away with it!

Needless to say, they had a great time!

And now you've all been brought up to date with the annual blog post!

Halloween!

From the girls that brought you the fairy and the sheep just a short year ago, I present:

The Ghost and the Cow!

This ghost may look scary, but as you can see in this never-before-seen paranormal photograph...this ghost actually loves to paint her toenails pink!

Kameryn was really looking forward to Halloween this year. She talked about it a lot, and the part she was most excited for wasn't the candy, surprisingly. She wanted to wear the costumes. And she decided really early that she wanted to be a ghost. I don't know why. And Jay bought this costume for her when I was at work one day. (Don't tell her, but I hate it. I think it's too scary for her.) But she LOVED it. She was so excited to wear it.

Reagan, as you may or may not know, LOVES the moon. She loves anything to do with the moon. So not long ago during a trip to Oregon, we bought her the book "Goodnight Moon" which became her constant companion. She reads it all the time and takes it to bed with her every night. So in her mind she wasn't just a cow, she was the cow that jumps over the moon.

The only time I could get her to put her hood on this time I only got a picture of her from the back. I can't help but love it because of the tail. And the irony of a little cow gazing longingly at the ice cream...

Reagan

I was going to post pictures from Halloween, but it's late, so I just decided to post this one of Reagan. It was on Halloween, but since it was raining we went to visit Chelsee at BR instead of going out trick or treating. Reagan, ironically, was a cow. I got this picture of her and I think it's so beautiful.

Manipulation

Last week on Saturday, I got my hair cut. I needed the cut SO badly. I cut about 6 inches off, and some people don't even notice the difference when I wear my hair down now because I was wearing it up every day. That's a fact.

We walked out of the salon (Does Fantastic Sams count as a salon?) and I was so happy with my hair, running my hand through, and Kameryn, the little beacon of light that she is sometimes, said,

"Mom, I HATE your haircut."

I wasn't really surprised that she felt that way, because she LOVES long hair. Her hair has always been short, and she frequently will put clothes and things on her head pretending it's long hair. She loved playing with my long hair. I knew cutting it off would make her sad.

I said, "That's alright that you don't like it, Kami. But it's my hair and it needed to be cut."

"No, Mom. I HATE your haircut!"

"That's okay, Kami. I like it."

And then she sat there thinking, and said out loud but strictly to herself,
"Hmmm, I want ice cream."

Then, acting like we hadn't heard her, she said, "Mom, I LOVE your haircut!"

Four Years

On Sunday, Kameryn was swinging on the swings at Allison's house. She holds up 4 fingers.

"Mom, there are this many days until my birthday."


Still holding up four fingers she says, "On my birthday, I'm gonna be this many."

"That's right." I say. She's been counting down to her birthday for months, usually just saying, "Mom, it's almost my birthday! It's getting closer and closer!"

Now she's pretty excited she can count the days on one hand.

"I used to be a little baby," Kameryn continues, "and I was laying in my crib. And I was crying. And I was drinking a bottle. But now I'm big, and I'm happy to see you!"

Yep, that about sums it up.

Memories

For me, it's hard to know how well I remember things from my childhood. I think it's because we lived in the same house my entire life and so I don't have a change in scenery to help provide a timetable. I'm not complaining about that. I'm grateful that I grew up where I did because it led to having amazing and lifelong friends who all lived in the same neighborhood as me. But still, the downside is not remembering things as well, and maybe out of order.

I've been thinking about how my girls, specifically Kameryn, are getting old enough to remember things. Which has led me to think about my earliest memories.

Strangely, when I think about my mom, I always remember her hands. Situations where I was watching her hands - helping me, dressing me, comforting me.

I'll be content even if my girls only have simple memories like mine. I remember her hands so well, but even in that limited memory, I remember feeling how much she loved me.

Catch Phrase

Allison: "What's your..."
Chelsee and me, in unison: "SIGN!"
Allison: "But even before I know your sign, I need to know your..."
Chelsee and me, in unison: "NAME!"

Starting Out Small

I love making New Years Resolutions. I understand that, really, they are just goals that you make at a particular time of year, and you can make goals anytime. But there's something about New Years resolutions that make them seem more possible than just a regular goal. More exciting.

I read this post by my friend Kim and loved it. Her entire blog is amazing, but this one post really spoke to me. This year I also found a quote that I'm trying to incorporate into my year. It was said by Oprah, which in my mind is both a pro and a con, but I liked it anyway.

"Devote today to something so daring even you can't believe you're doing it."

I'm trying to keep it in mind but start out small. Like Kim, I'm just trying to shake things up a little bit and try to do one thing every day that normally I would talk myself out of. Whether it be a big thing, or a little thing, or just waking up in the morning to go to the gym when I really would rather sleep. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll be able to spend an entire day working toward something daring. But right now I'm just working on the little things.

My Crazy Girls

One of my New Years Resolutions is to blog more often. I love to see my friends' blogs since it's a good way to stay in touch with them despite us not living closer. I've decided to be less of a dead beat so they can see what's up with me also.
I'm looking forward to this year, because I think a few different situations in my life that have been open-ended will resolve this year. Thinking about that made me think about how much changes in a year, and then I got the idea to put pictures up of my girls from 1/1/10 so I can compare them to pictures I'll take on 1/1/11. First, Reagan. Reagan got these glasses in her stocking, and enjoyed playing with them all day long.Kameryn was playing with these new books that Reagan got for Christmas, and she was being so cute with them I wanted to take her picture. After I took the first one, she looked at it and said, "How about this?" And struck another pose. I took that picture and she came and looked at it, and said, "Oh. How about this?" America's Next Top Model, right here in my house. Though if she ever does she ever does want to really model, she BETTER be wearing more than she is in these pictures.
She added the hand for this next one right at the last second. An excellent addition, I must say.

A Fairy and A Lamb

We got our girls dressed up last night for Chelsee's Halloween party last night, and I thought the results were worth sharing:



My favorite part of Reagan's costume?

WE: What Would You Rather Not Hear Right Now?

My answer can be found here.
If you want to play along with Weekend Exposure, here are the rules. Though I'm a sporadic player, I think it's really fun and I think you'd really enjoy playing along.

Enjoying Jay's Time Off

On Sept. 15, Jay and I celebrated our 5 year anniversary. Up until now our anniversaries have gone by fairly unnoticed because we always had to work, and last year Reagan was still so new there wasn't too much celebrating. This year, Jay took a week off from both of his jobs and we've gotten to enjoy the whole week together. We've gone to the zoo, to an Australian Pink Floyd concert, to the Utah State Fair, and Chelsee even watched the girls overnight so we could have our first night alone ever. Our first one since Kameryn was born. It's been a good week.
Here are some pictures from the zoo:(I know that I'm fairly predictable because anytime we go to the zoo I blog the pictures from it, but Look! Baby elephants and giraffes! And Kameryn has a special soft spot in her heart for all the animals. The zoo is one of her favorite places in the world.)

On our anniversary we watched our wedding video (done by Moment By Moment, who I will shamelessly promote because they did such a good job!) and it was so much fun to remember that day; how nerve-wracking it was at first and how beautiful everything turned out. I'm grateful that I met Jay and that we still have so much fun together after 5 years married and 2 crazy kids. I love my family so much!

Reagan is A Year Old!

I get nervous when I only want to write about one of my girls. I worry that it's not fair, and I wonder if I did the same thing for the other girl on her birthday/special occasion. Do I say nicer things about Reagan then I do about Kameryn? Are there more pictures of Kameryn than there are of Reagan? Sometimes worrying about it prevents me from writing anything at all because I don't want to seem like I prefer one or the other, or like I love one more than the other. It seems like a silly thing to worry about when I write it out like this, but it's true.

All that said, I want to let it all go for tonight. I want to write about Reagan since it's her first birthday today.

The other part of my problem is that writing about Reagan is so emotional for me that I can't find the right words. The phrases aren't big enough. I don't know how to write in a way that actually honors how I feel; it all falls so short.

If I had known during the hard parts of my life that later on I would have a friend like Reagan, it would've helped me hold on.

Despite all the mistakes I've made in my life, and there have been so, SO many, I wouldn't take any of it back because I wouldn't want changing them to take her out of my life. There's something so special about walking into her room every morning. Every morning I look forward to it, and I never get sick of it. I can't wait to see my sweet girl with her ragmuffin hair, and hear her say, "Hi!" And before I walk in every morning, I love hearing her babble to herself. Contented babbling, excited to start another day.

I love the way she plays during the day. She already has such a funny sense of humor. She'll throw herself onto blankets and smile up at you through the fabric. She loves making people laugh.

I love showing her things she hasn't seen before and seeing her point at them and say, "There!" I love when she points to things that I'm not showing her, like the day Chelsee and I were walking up the street together and she pointed out anything yellow. She gets so happy about such simple things, and it's easy to get excited about it all over again when I see how excited she is.

I anticipated that having kids would teach me a lot about being a mom. I knew it would enrich my life that way. But I didn't know that my kids would re-invent the world for me and make me appreciate the little things again. I didn't know that they would become my best friends.

I know that having kids has made my life a lot more messy, both literally and figuratively. But now, seeing environments without the chaos seem too sterile, and I wonder how people can live with so much quiet. I still envy how much sleep they must get, but I wonder if they can live as richly without tiny voices all around them and tiny fingers discovering new things all the time.

It's so cliche to say that it's the best thing I've ever done, or that it's the best job I'll ever have. Even though both of those are true.

So I'll leave it by saying that despite the crying and teething and screaming and stains, despite all the temper tantrums and missed conversations with friends, despite changing dirty diapers and getting soaking wet while giving them baths and never getting enough sleep, I'd rather be with these two crazy girls then with anyone else in the world.

So maybe this did end up being about both my girls instead of just Reagan, but this year of my life has been the best so far because she's been in it. I love you so much, sweet girl, and I'm so happy to be your momma.

The First, Probably the Last

Kameryn's hair is coming in on it's own schedule. I know some people wonder if we keep it short on purpose, the answer is no. That's as much as has grown in her 3+ years. However, her bangs do grow so that they get into her eyes. So, today I decided to cut her bangs. Myself.

Turns out it's harder than it looks. I may leave it to the professionals from here on out. Here's to hoping her hair grows fast so my handiwork can be fixed soon.


Also, the other night Reagan's hair looked like this:
I swear I've seen someone with hair that crazy before. Hmm. Who could that have been?