A+

While flipping through the channels tonight I stopped on Channel 7, as they usually have some pretty interesting topics and I need something interesting to get me through until Kameryn FINALLY falls asleep. Tonight they were talking about teen suicide, which is obviously a pretty dark topic. Well, outside the place where doctors are discussing it, there's a protest going on. I think some people have a need to protest things in their blood, that's the only thing I can come up with for this one. And a woman is proudly holding up a sign that says, "SUICIDE IS SELF MURDER."
Thanks for helping me with that one, buddy. You don't want to mess with this woman's fire. You'll get burned.

Casting Call

We went this morning for Kameryn to have her picture taken for the American Baby contest. It wasn't at all what I expected, except there were REALLY cute kids everywhere you looked. We got there, filled out a paper and only had to wait about 10 minutes. When we were calle we handed them the paper we had filled out with Kameryn's information on it, and they snapped a Polaroid. Just like that. I think she was smiling at one of the other ladies that was taking pictures when they took the picture of her, but I don't know because you're pretty much dismissed after they press the button...we didn't even get to see what the picture looked like. I have to say, it will be such a huge compliment to be chosen, and I think the fun will be that we entered her. There were so many kids, and older ones than Kameryn with wild hair and other amazing features. If we don't get chosen, no hard feelings. It was just fun to do.
This is the dress we chose for her to wear. But of course, Kameryn had to taste it to tell if it was any good, so a lot of times it looked like this:
Crazy baby.

Dispelling Any Doubts

Tonight I was driving home from Danae's house, and at about Centerville, Kameryn started to cry. I had been listening to a CD Jay had made for me, and just to see what would happen I flipped to track number 8. Cookie Monster started in with, "Now what starts with the letter C? Cookie starts with C!" In the backseat, silence. I kept replaying it until we got home, figuring Kameryn had fallen asleep, but as soon as I pulled into our parking spot and turned the car off, she started crying again. My daughter likes Sesame Street. I don't think I've ever been more proud.

Rockstar

We saw this outfit while we were out shopping for our anniversary. We couldn't help ourselves.

Two Year Anniversary

I never saw my life turning out the way it is now. I think when I imagined life for myself, I imagined myself living alone in New York or as a Blanchard safely tucked away by now. Even two years ago when we got married on that PERFECT September day, I didn't know that two years later I would be an MA and we'd have a 4 and a half month old daughter. But I like how my life is progressing. Given the chance to change anything, I don't think I would. I love my life unfolding, and I love it being with my best friend. You can always make me laugh, I love being with you and really appreciate when I can be with you for long periods of time during the day. I also appreciate when I come home and you have to go straight to bed, because I know you put your energy into watching our daughter, and that means a lot to me.
I love you with Kameryn. I love how she reacts to you, always smiling when she hears or sees you and how she's so content just to sit and be with you. I knew when I married you that you would be a good dad, but you're better than I imagined. I love how much you love her. It touches me to see you guys together. I think you will have a long and awesome relationship that her friends will admire. And her boyfriends will hate. :)
I love you, Jay. I'm glad we're together. Thank you for always supporting me.

American Baby

The "American Baby" magazine is having a contest where babies from all over the country are photographed. The magazine will choose 5 and the babies and their parents will be flown to New York so the babies can be photographed for the magazine. I saw it and thought about it briefly, kinda dismissing it, but then Danae called because she had seen the article and thought I should do it. So we're going to try. We take Kameryn to the Midvale Toys R Us on Fri. Sept 22. I think she's beautiful, but I also think she's fun to be around, and I hope it will work out and they'll see her looks and her charm. We don't have our hopes set on it, only 5 Utah would be hard enough, let alone 5 from the whole NATION, but every parent thinks their baby is the best. We'd like to go to the Met because ours really is! :)

(I know this picture is blurry but it reminds me so much of one of Chelsee's baby pictures that I love it!)

Kameryn is at this really interesting period of discovering herself and she's starting to learn how to move her body intentionally. Her personality is starting to really show. Sometimes that fact is a little bit difficult because she'll fuss just because she wants to be held by someone walking around instead of someone sitting down, and it's not as easy to appease her when she really wants something. However, I love it, too, because she laughs A LOT. She smiles when she recognises people and she is so content to watch her hands or play with her feet.

Now that she's getting a bit older, I'm getting less paranoid about her. A little bit. I'm still over the top, but just not quite as bad as before. I've been slowly trying to get her to sleep in her crib more and more often, and she seems to allow it from bedtime till about 2 in the morning. At that point all she wants is to be with me, and I come get her and bring her to bed with me. I know that I should make her sleep in her crib the entire night, that my getting her out of bed when she cries is just re-inforcing that behavior, but the truth is, I'm just as bad as she is. Maybe worse. I like her with me. But we're still trying to do the crib thing. We just do it a little at a time.

Thankfully, as she gets older other people are getting more comfortable with her, too. Namely Steve who agreed to hold her not too long ago when they came up. Kameryn was really good for him, and now just watches him anytime they're in a room together, smiling at him when he looks at her. It's like she had been waiting for it as long as we had!
I've said it before, Kameryn is a total daddy's girl. Sometimes, despite his hair...
But I love it because she's also a mommy's girl. The smiles I get when I come home from work make it so fun to come home. And I love being with her because it makes me feel like a kid again, too. It's fun to delight in her little accomplishments and watch her become more and more aware of the world around her. Except that pretty soon she'll be crawling...and then it's a whole new game. Thankfully, it's been getting better and better the older she gets.

The Baby in the Water

Grandma Hanna giving Kameryn her first bath at 2 or 3 days old...

Much better experience swimming with daddy at about 3 months.

We wouldn't have guessed it at first, but we have a WATER BABY!!! This is her looking elegant in her hooded towels after a recent bath. She thinks she's half baby, half fish.

Ashamed

So, the Presdient came to visit the Great State of Utah. Jay and I were just watching the evening news, like we often do, and saw Air Force One arrive and we saw him get out. We even watched his little speech. We both hate him so much that I'm actually surprised that we watched it for as long as we did. I think it was half like watching a car accident; you can't make yourself look away even if you try. The other half was just waiting intently to see how others would react.
Well, they were reacting by holding signs of support and screaming out that they loved him. I was so disgusted that afterward while I was doing the dishes I couldn't stop fuming.
I think as far as States go, Utah is the Republican Whore State. A Republican comes in, tells us how great we are, and we're easy as they come. We don't demand to know why he lied about this or that, or why he just let Katrina happen even though he had been warned to fix things beforehand. We just say, "Alright Mr. President, you think we're great Americans" and we lift our skirt.
Personally, I think we have all had to take it up the ass from George Jr. ever since he got elected. The only Olive Garden I see in our future is when we remember W the way we remember Nixon; as a liar.

I recently finished a book by Jonathan Safran Foer called Extremely Close and Incredibly Loud. Or Incredibly Loud and Extremely Close. As you can see, I have a problem matching adjective to verb. Or adverb to verb? Let's move on with the blog. And yes, I do know that my mom read that first part and cringed while reminding herself that I am my father's daughter.
I've read two of Mr. Foer's books, the other one being Everything Is Illuminated. Now I can say with a comfortable amount of confidence that these books aren't feel good books, and they don't have a happy ending, or even explain themselves for that matter. They're like a little slice of life, unapoligetic and not neat, clean or rounded off at the end to make the reader feel better. The message you get in the end is what you choose to derive from the context, and I wouldn't be suprised if everyone who reads his book comes out with something a little bit different.
The Loud and Close book is about a boy who's father died in the Twin Towers. I'll interrupt this to say that it proves how much I love this author to read a book with this plotline, not only because it's hard to read but also because I don't feel like this incident should be commercialized now or ever. No more movies or books. In my opinion, that isn't a day we celebrate and look back on over and over.
So Oskar's dad dies in the Twin Towers, which obviously Oskar struggles with. One day he accidently breaks a vase and finds a key inside, and he devotes his extra time to finding out who the key belongs to. He sees it as a way of finishing his dad's unfinished business and keeping him close at the same time.
The main message I took away from the book was simply that it's important to let people know how you feel about them, because sometimes only the lucky get second chances.
At the risk of getting cheesy, I want to tell you all how much I really love and care about you. I look forward to time with my family more than anything else. I personally think we're a great group of people who love to have fun and intelligent conversations.
I love my friends enough that I don't really have a strict line between my close friends and my family. If I had one wish for my baby it would be that she finds friends like I had growing up. We went through struggles but were and are constantly there to support each other and help each other out.
Thank you all for your love and support. Thank you for being in my life. It wouldn't be worth it without you.

And He Calls ME Crazy!

The other night Jay got startled out of his sleep, and automatically stood up out of bed and said, "Hairy Tree Gnome."

"What?"

"Hairy Tree Gnome."

"Why are you saying that?"

"I don't know. It's just the first thing that popped into my head."

And The Baby Rolls....

I know it isn't a huge shock, but this is another blog about Kameryn. :)

My baby is getting SO BIG SO FAST! And since I last blogged she has had her first laugh, brought about by her Uncle Gary, gone swimming for the first time, which she loved, and she rolled over! Jay and I put her on her belly and were encouraging her to do it, not really thinking she would. She kept kind-of getting up the momentum, but then she'd stop. So Jay said, "This is how you do it, baby" and walked her through it. "You put your arm up here, push off with your legs..." And then after he put her back on her belly, she did exactly what he told her to. We were both shocked and so excited, patting her and praising her, and she just kinda sat there, wondering what all the excitement was about.

Then, I brought her up to show Mom and she did it three times in a row. But when I tried to show Danae, NOTHING. I told my mom that she's starting to get a bit of an attitude, and she just said sarcastically, "I wonder where she gets that from." :)

I'm getting to the point where I just want to tell everyone to have babies. I think she's the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.

Dreams

The other night I had a dream about my Grandma Turner. In my dream my grandma was dying, and my family was all in the room with her, not too much unlike reality not too long ago. We knew she was dying, and she was talking, but every time she talked to my mom she called her by the wrong name, usually her sister's names. But in my dream, it didn't frustrate my mom at all. She would just gently correct my grandma.
I know the dream doesn't really sound like much, but I woke up completely awed, because the dream was saturated with the feeling of my mom's unconditional love and acceptance for her mom and for all of us. And it seemed bigger then just those two women, it was more about relationships everywhere and how beautiful they can be.

Jay and I have been lucky because his grandpa lived long enough to meet Kameryn. That's a memory I don't think I'll ever forget because she just stared at him for awhile as he held her, and then she started to cry and he started to sing to her. A song he sang with his wife before she died a few months before.
I wish she had a chance to meet my Grandma Turner. We weren't that lucky. I'll have to tell Kameryn everything I know about her, because she missed meeting a sweet, thoughtful, wonderful woman.
But in some ways I feel like she must already know her, since they're a part of each other. You can see it in her hands. She got my grandma's hands.

My Curse

Tonight I find myself in a situation I hate; my baby is sleeping and try as I might, I can't fall asleep with her. This happens about once a week, and it's the most nerve-wracking thing because every time Kameryn falls asleep it's like a timer counting down until she wakes up again and I never know how long the timer is set for. So I catch myself thinking, "I have to get to sleep, I may only have an hour left, or 15 minutes left, or maybe she'll sleep through the night..." And because I'm unsure and trying to force myself to sleep, I can't. And, if tonight is anything like last night, her timer will go off about 20 minutes after I fall asleep. That's always a fun scenerio.

New evidence that I'm a new, nervous, overprotective mother is always emerging. I started to feel sick earlier this week and Kameryn came down with a runny nose on Monday. I hadn't ever used one of the baby-nose-suction-outty things before, and I found that I pretty much hate it. While Kameryn was crying I thought to myself, "Hey, it's okay. No baby has ever died of a runny nose before....but since her doctor's appointment is tomorrow, maybe I should ask him, JUST to double check."

What It's About

My baby is almost two months old! It's so hard to believe, time FLIES by lately. It's been fun, though, because she learns something new every day it seems. We've mastered drinking from a bottle and she's getting a lot better at holding her head up and being able to lift it up and move it from one side to another when she's on her stomach. Every little advancement makes me so proud of her. My favorite development has been since she's started to smile. Sometimes when I walk in the door right after work I get a huge, toothless smile. Sometimes when I'm out of the room for a minute and then walk back in she'll break into another smile. I'm a total sucker for it. I think it's got to be the cutest thing I've ever seen and such a huge compliment. My baby saying, "Hey, I recognise you! Welcome back!"
Sometimes Kameryn will be fussing or crying and she'll stop when I pick her up. Then we can walk around, and she seems to cuddle up to me. It's one of the times I actually realize that I'm her mom. It sounds crazy, I know, but there's so much going on from day to day that it really is still shocking when I take a step back and think, "This is my baby and I'm her mom." It's fun because I can already tell how much she loves me, and it makes me realize how much I love MY mom.
I'm so lucky because Jay is so great with her, and she loves him so much. They often fall asleep together and I must drive them crazy by taking pictures of them all the time. He'll walk through the door in the morning after he's gotten off work and when she sees or hears him her eyes get so wide and she smiles and wiggles, she's so excited that he's back.
I love the place I'm at right now with my husband and our baby. My own little family.

Sweet Babies!

This is Georgia Noel Bills, Katie Isom Bills sweet daughter. She was born on June 10 at about 2:30 in the morning. Katie said her labor went relatively well up until the end when her epidural wore off. Georgia was 7 pounds 11 ounces and 20 inches. Katie and Josh are so cute with her, both really sweet attentive parents. I wish I could spend some more time with them so we can share crazy baby stories, but we'll have to do it over the internet; Josh leaves this week for Arizonia and then Katie follows next Wednesday. Georgia's a lucky little beautiful girl, and of course Katie looks like nothing even happened to her, as sweet and beautiful as ever.

The In-law Problem

I have a small problem that I would like to consult my family about. The whole thing could be very sensitive to some people and so I will describe my problem as carefully as I can to avoid any hurt feelings. The problem is with my daughter, my mother-in-law, and my overprotection. Family-wise, I trust any of you to hold or watch my daughter. I don't even think twice about handing her off to someone who would like to hold her. At my in-law's house, it's a bit of a different story. And part of my frustration with myself is that I don't have any problem with Jay's dad holding Kameryn. I think he's so sweet to her and I know he really loves her and she holds a special place with him. My mother in law loves her too and wants to hold her. And when she does, I pretty much hold my breath until I get her back. I think all of you know the problems that Jay's mom has, and in addition to her mental problems she also takes medication that makes her shake really badly. And logically, I KNOW that mental illness is exactly that, an ILLNESS. I know she can't control it anymore than she can control the shaking as a side effect of the medication she takes. So that part of my fear I know is a little bit founded on some fact and I know I shouldn't hold any of it against her.
My biggest concern is the grudge I seem to hold against her. She called today wondering what plans she should make for Monday since I'm going back to work and said she's "looking forward to watching the baby." To this I admit thinking something like, "Um, no, NEVER." When we go over there sometimes I find myself thinking things such as, "This baby is in no way a part of her, she has no claim on Kameryn at all." And biologically it's true, but I should know better than to think things like that! She raised Jay and saved him from what could've otherwise been a really awful life for him. Yet I see the pain that she causes people, albeit out of her control, and I want to save Kameryn from that.
Does anyone have any suggestions on this? I know it's something I need to deal with as Mary Jane will be in Kameryn's life for as long as she lives. Plus, it's a constant problem since we live so close. Can anyone help me reframe this so I can get over it? I try to think that it's one more person in Kameryn's life that loves her and I should be grateful for that, but even that thought doesn't help.

The Slow Runner

So yesterday I heard the saying "A man running a race who finds he is in last place has two choices. He can either quit, or he can run faster." I know it's kinda lame but I really liked it. I think it's something I'm gonna have to keep in mind on Monday when I go back to work. I said during my pregnancy that I didn't want having a baby to keep me from the job I had gone to school for, but I still find myself HATING the thought of going back just because when Kameryn's not around I miss her. So I guess I have to be like the guy in the race and make the best of my situation and think of it in the best way I can. At least I'm willing to sacrifice to provide for my daughter, and maybe I can stay home with her when she's a little bit older and I have my next baby. Though, to be perfectly honest, the thought of getting pregnant again right now is even a little bit more horrible than the thought of going back to work. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY!!!

Jay's birthday is Monday, June 5th, and I'm writing this blog early because my life right now is pretty much determined by when my daughter sleeps and I have a minute tonight that I don't dare pass up. My husband is turning 23, and at the risk of sounding completely sappy I just want to tell him that I love him so much. We always have a lot of fun together and he's always looking out for me and helping me stay sane. Plus, I think we make perfect kids, but that's just my opinion. :) I love you, Crazy, happy birthday. I'm glad you stick around even though Paul doesn't approve. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

Memorial Day

One thing I'm really grateful for is the fact that my dad instilled in me a love and appreciation for people who are willing to put everything on the line for this country. I've been to Arlington Cemetery, I've seen the changing of the guard at the Tomb of the Unknown Soilder, and I've spent entire days with my dad in different cemeteries looking for Medal of Honor winners so that we can listen to their story after we find them. It amazes me how brave some people can be, and I'm touched by the selflessness of the people who are willing to do anything for what they believe in.
On Memorial Day this year I found myself thinking about two people specifically. The first was Allison's friend Heidi. She was in Iraq for over a year and missed important parts of her baby girl's life because of it. Being in the same situation now, I can imagine a bit better how hard it must've been for her to be so far away from her baby. I imagine it was hard to get through the day and she must've been counting the days until she could come home.
Secondly I think of Chris Kilpack. I think he's amazing because he joined the Army AFTER the war started. He knew what he was getting himself into and still wanted to go to defend the country and do what he believed in. I admire him, but I also admire the rest of the Kilpack family for supporting him. I've seen how much they've gone through, I can only imagine how hard it must be to worry about him.
I'm one of the people who doesn't support this war. I don't support the President who sent these people off to war and is leaving it up to a different President to bring them home. But I do support the troops.
The point of my post is that I know better than to think you have to give your life to sacrifice for this war. These people sacrifice their time, their safety, memories with their families that they'll never get back. I don't envy them, but I do admire them and their families. I hope this war ends soon, and I hope our soilders can come home safely.

I know I've arrived because....

They say some of the less glamorous parts of being a mom is when you get peed, pooped and puked on. Kameryn peed on me a couple weeks ago, and that one wasn't so bad. This morning, though, she managed to poo ALL OVER ME. I won't go into too much detail, but I have to say if there were a contest for projectile pooping or one for completely saturating your victim, I would enter her. And instead of getting mad, I was like, "Aww Kameryn!" But then I caught myself saying, "But good job! You didn't get ANY on the couch!"