Love Letter, Month 10

Ten months old and not a tooth in sight. The last month hasn't been so much about all the new things that Kameryn has started doing, but instead about her taking the things she already knows how to do and perfecting them. She started the month out being able to pull herself up, but was really wobbly and things had to be in just the right spot for her to attempt it. Now, she's practically a pro. We even bought her little shoes in anticipation of her walking along the furniture and then walking by herself, but she hates them and can have the first one off before we have the second one on. Just one more way she's like her mom.
Kameryn is also working on talking. She's been saying "Dada," "Mama" and "Baba" for awhile now, but now when she says them she also seems to understand the meaning behind them. She also has started nodding her head yes and shaking her head no, even though the no seems to come through much more often.

And of course, she has become the Master Stair Climber. I actually am a little surprised with how well she does and how easilly she remembers since we don't have stairs in our apartment, but she's awesome at it. Now we just need to teach her to go down.

Kameryn is also getting really good at imitation. We're trying to teach her the different places on her face; nose, eyes and mouth. After we've been pointing out someone's nose for long enough she'll reach out and touch it, which I think is impressive. I think the most endearing thing I've seen in this last month is Kameryn with Mr. Quackers. She loves to hug and kiss him, and does it everytime she sees him, but lately she's started putting him over her shoulder a bit and patting him on the back like she sees us do to Isaac. I'm completely amazed by how much she's learning, even when we're not intending to teach her anything.

One thing that I don't think will ever change is how much of a little lover Kami is. She still is giving kisses all the time, sometimes multiples, and if she REALLY means it she pushes her mouth really hard against your face to demonstrate how GLAD she is to FINALLY be kissing you.

This is, of course, the special "your entire nose in my mouth" kiss. You have to mean a lot to her to get that one.
And this is the "I can even kiss you while dangling above you" kiss, another specialty.

Along with loving her aunts she still loves her cousin. She laughs when she sees him and still loves to touch and kiss him. And he's getting so big, too. This month he'll be as old as Kameryn was when he was born. I can't believe how fast the time goes.

A couple weeks ago Jay and I started keeping count of all the people who would wave at Kameryn that didn't know her, in stores or where ever, and we were surprised by how many people talk to her and wave to her. I was especially shocked by how many guys will stop to wave at her, and old men who talk to her and tell us stories about their kids when they were Kameryn's age. I think there's something about Kameryn that draws people to her, and I think it will as she grows up.

When I first brought Kameryn home I remember just taking the time to stare at her. I loved her ears and her tiny fingers and toes, but I was especially awed by things like the veins underneath her skin and listening to her heart beat. It's easy to believe in miracles when you know that you made such a perfect baby.
Now I'm no less awed by her, but I also am completely entertained by her and her huge personality that keeps coming out in boatloads as she gets older. She's stubborn, but she's really funny and loves to laugh. She loves to explore and make friends and see the people she loves.

Once again I end by saying that I love this baby so much and I'm so proud of her. I miss her when I'm not around. Dooce said it on her blog about her daughter, but it's true for us too; even after Jay and I first put her to bed and we're alone we can't help but talk about the crazy things she's done during the day, because we miss her already.

A Small Sample of Tomorrow's Gushing...

Yes, we started balancing things on Kameryn's head to keep her entertained while we watched the Academy Awards. It worked, she was laughing instead of whining, and always a little bit proud of herself when she could keep them from falling off.

How is it possible to love someone so much?

Four Of Five

Today is, in a way, Kameryn's 10 month birthday, so we can all look forward to a blog of pictures and sappiness tomorrow.

Tonight, the opposite. I'm going to write about "The Departed." First impression is that it reminds me of Resivoir Dogs, so if you liked that movie, you'll love this one. My second impression is that Matt Damon is so good looking and such a good actor that if you're going to have a main character and then a secondary character, PLEASE, for the love of all the women who will be sitting through the movie, MAKE MATT DAMON THE MAIN CHARACTER!

As a side note, anyone who predicted that Jay would like the movie despite the crazy ending was right. And anyone who predicted that Mark Wahlberg would be Jay's favorite character was also right. You guys know him well.

As for recommending this movie, I liked it overall, but I like a lot of movies that other people don't like. Even though this won Best Picture (and I have to say I think it deserved it) I'd say you have to be okay with seeing a lot of people get shot in the head and otherwise needlessly killed. If you don't mind that, you're golden.

Attitude if a 10 Month Old

Last night Blogger kept pulling up an error when I tried to sign in, which is why I didn't post last night. I was going to tell a story about Kameryn, and the older she gets and the more she understands, the more attitude she gets.
Last night she was crawling around on the gorund while Chelsee, Jay and I ate our dinner and watched Alias. She kept trying to crawl into the kitchen, and Jay would tell her, "Kameryn, no." She's sit down, look back at him, shake her head and keep crawling into the kitchen. She did it twice! The, "Yes, I hear you, but no, I don't care what you think."
I was asking one of my patients once about her daughter, and she said, "She's so much like I was growing up that she makes me crazy. I know she's my mom's wish on me."
Mom? Anything you need to tell me?!

Three of Five

I didn't get to watch all of the movies nominated for Best Picture before the Academy Awards. I watched three out of five, and watched Little Miss Sunshine more than once. I didn't see The Departed, so I don't know if it deserved Best Picture or not yet, but my guess is I'll still like Little Miss Sunshine better.
I wasn't really excited to watch Babel, and it was better than I expected it to be in some ways, but I didn't expect much. Throughout the movie I just kept thinking how lame it was that everyone hated each other and was afraid of each other, and why couldn't the Japanese girl keep her clothes on? The director said that he started to make a movie about hoe different we all are, and ended up with a movie about how we're all the same.
I think I would've been more interested if he hadn't stuck so tightly to the "typical" stereotypes: The Americans were greedy and didn't trust anyone else, the main Japanese character was obsessed with sex, the Mexican characters were always looking out for other people and then got punished anyway, and the people from the Middle East were peaceful and just wanted to look after their goats. I think there's more to people than this, and if you're writing a movie about how we're all the same, it might be a good idea to branch out a little.

My Big Girl

Tonight, another cheater blog. You know, because spending the day driving around, helping Chelsee with her photography assignment, then watching movies and eating treats is SO exhausting!

Kami with her best (stuffed) friend, Mr. Quackers. Lately she wants to take him anywhere she goes, and when she first sees him she'll cover him in kisses.

These are the new clothes we bought her this weekend because she's growing out of everything else so quickly. I will be the first to admit she dresses better than I do. We also bought her socks and shoes, but she pulls them off almost immediatly after we put them on. And if you need a reminder about how old she's getting:
She pulls herself to standing on almost everything now. She hasn't started walking along furniture or anything like that yet, but give it a week. She's almost 10 months old and sometimes when I see her standing up or crawling around or climbing the stairs, I honestly wonder where all the time went. And she just keeps getting more beautiful.

Camping

(Yep, that's right, my dates skipped from Friday to Sunday at two in the morning. Jay and I were talking about some serious stuff last night, and it seemed like a bad idea to go blog afterwards. He wanted me to because he said he knew I'd be mad at myself if I missed a day, and he was right. That's why I'm up at 3:30 in the morning! Please excuse any spelling or grammer issues, and if this blog is incoherant.)

This afternoon we, along with Jay's parents, made some final reservations for a trip the beginning of June. We're going to drive over to Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, and while we're there we'll see the Badlands, and they're a couple of caves I really want to go see, Jewel Cave, I think it was called, and Ice Cave. They talked in a magazine we were reading about how Jewel Cave has these little stones that look like popcorn all over, and Ice Cave is the 6th largest in the world! I'm really excited to go and see all of it, the only hitch is that for most of the trip, we'll be a tent.
The Ertmanns are big campers, they tell me all the time that they first took Jay camping when he was just a few weeks old. I think I can count the number of times we got our tent out on one hand, and really, that was okay with me. I would much rather sleep in a motel than in a tent. But I'm being colonized a little bit on this one, and I really hope it works for us and that Kameryn will cooperate with us having her sleep on the ground for a few nights. Hopefully she got that from her dad.

The Book of Lost Things

It's getting late, and as a cheater blog I'll write a paragraph from the book I'm reading called "The Book of Lost Things:"

"Stories were different, though: they came alive in the telling. Without a human voice to read them aloud, or a pair of wide eyes following them by flashlight beneath a blanket, they had no real existance in our world. They were like seeds in the beak of a bird, waiting to fall to earth, or the notes of a song laid out on a sheet, yearning for an instrument to bring their music into being. They lay dormant, hoping for the change to emerge. Once someone started to read them, they could begin to change. The could take root in the imagination, and transform the reader. Stories wanted to be read, David's mother would whisper. They needed it. It was the reason they forced themselves from their world into ours. They wanted us to give them life."

I think the book I would say has influenced me the most, up to this point, is "To Kill a Mockingbird." I hope Kameryn doesn't get sick of me telling her how her middle name is after Harper Lee's last name, and how she was born one day after Harper. The book itself is a masterpiece, it kept me completely enthralled the whole way through.

Can You Hear Me Now?

(See previous mini-blog!)

Alright, I don't know what happened with that but it's letting me type now. What a load and a waste of time! I hope this New Blogger is good because that really pissed me off. Which is kindof the opposite feel of the earxax story, but I'll tell it anyway to help me calm down.

Today on our second to last patient we had a woman come in for "Hearing Loss." I had a total "You're Gonna Die Pam!" moment with it because while I was checking her in I actually thought to myself: "I hope she really is losing her hearing and doesn't just have earwax build-up because I don't want to have to clean her ears out." After I thought it I was so embarrassed with myself. What kind of person thinks that way?!

The doctor went in to see her and then walked out and said, "She needs her ears cleaned."
".....Ear Lavage." I'm sure he specified it because me and my co-worker were both sitting there, and when he told us, neither of us moved. It's almost the MA form of chicken. The first one to stand up has to do the procedure, so you see who will cave in and stand up first, and I'm ashamed to tell you that the doctor had gone into another room before either of us caved. My co-worker's phone rang and she answered it, and I decided I wasn't going to wait for her to get off, risking the doctor coming out of the room and seeing us both just sitting there, so I went to go set up for it.

People have to deal with worse things everyday in their jobs, probably, but ear lavages are not my favorite thing. It's not because they're gross, it's because I'm not very good at them, and there's only so long you can shoot water into someone's ear with no results before you want to start pulling your hair out.

The sad thing about them is that we don't like doing them, and the patient is so embarassed most times to have to get them done. It's really not fun for anyone, except the doctor who just tells us about it and then can move on.

So I set up and go into the patients room and she's so embarassed about it and I'm trying to reassure her that it happens and we'll get it taken care of. She's so nice that I'm hating my "hoping for actual hearing loss" thought more and more by the second. I get the syrringe ready, I shot a bit of it into her ear to make sure it's not too hot, and then I'm off. Time to clean some ears.

I fill up the syrringe and shoot it into her ear once and see bits of the clog breaking off in the water. It's a good sign. Then I fill the syrringe again and shoot water into her ear, and notice a big piece that's fallen into the emessis basin, and I'm pretty impressed with myself when the patient exclaims, "I can hear!!!" I look up and the rest of the brown earwax ball is still sitting in the bottom of her ear. It was a big chunk, too! No wonder she couldn't hear!

Two shots and I was done! I felt like the earwax queen! I think I strutted out of the room.

So let the earwax story be a reminder to you that sometimes it's better to get in there and do what you're afraid of/dreading/grossed out by because when you're successful, it won't be as bad the next time you're called upon.

The end.

Lame

you have got to be kidding me. blogger made me switch to new blogger and now an error comes up after every letter i type. this better be fixed soon because i didn't want to switch in the first place. i guess that is all for now, so i will have to tell my earwax story later.

Blame the Radio

So do I blog because my life is interesting, or is my life intersting because I blog?

My honest answer is my life is more interesting because I blog, and it's for a very simple reason: During the day I'm actually thinking about what I should blog about after I get home from work, and because of that I try to notice little things that I could blog about. It's something that is constantly going through my head.

A confession: I made the resolution to get my moles checked out because it would give me something to write about. So in a way, blogging saved my life. Yeah, that's a stretch. But now instead of two a-typical moles on my back, I have two scars which I don't think I would've thought about without my blog.

And here is my informational part of the blog, it's actually some facts about sex I heard on the radio this afternoon. Due to some adult content, you may want your children to step away from the computer. And that means you, Geoff.

1. The shortest fully engorged penis recorded is 1 3/4 inches.
2. It takes the average couple 38 minutes from the beginning of foreplay until climax.
3. The most common fantasy for both men and women is oral sex.
4. 64% of adults think it's okay to have affairs once in a while.
5. Since 1603 there have been 83 recorded cases of men being born with two penises.
6. 23% of adults say they were virgins when they got married.

I hope I'm not offending people, I thought those were interesting statistics. Some of them make me wonder WHO these people were surveying!

Book #3 For the Year

I finished my book this morning. Kameryn decided to get up at the ungodly time of 8:30 in the morning, and all of us went and sat on the couch in the living room. I read my book, and Jay and Kameryn watched some show with a sloth and a frog and an anteater that explained to them why echoes are nothing to be afraid of. And that no, you didn't accidently swallow a drum, that's just your heart beating. I can understand that Kameryn got sucked in from time to time because of all the colors and the music, but you should have seen Jay. ENGROSSED.

Anyway, the book was really good, I really enjoyed it. I spent mornings after I had read it re-telling Jay everything I had read. I highly recommend it, and if anyone wants to read it just let me know. Or if you're interested and want to get it from the Library or buy it, it's called "The Tipping Point, How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference" by Malcolm Gladwell.

So, that's another goal that I've still kept since the New Year, which brings my grand total of "Resolutions I've Kept Since The Year Began" to a hefty 2. It's better than nothing.

Interesting

It's funny because there are some nights that I sit in front of the computer and just stare at it. Sometimes I'll read a bunch of other blogs and a bunch of other websites in order to get ideas about what I should blog about. There are nights when I stay up an extra hour trying to come up with something, other nights when I get out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure I won't miss a day of blogging. When I think about not blogging I know it won't hurt anything and that people probably won't care too much, but I can't seem to allow myself to skip even a day.
Now if only I had that kind of motivation about something that mattered more, like exercising or scrapbooking or cleaning the apartment. I guess in a way it's nice to know how dedicated I can be to my goals. Now I just need to work on the prioritizing.

Two of Five, and Today's Other Events

Today Jay, Chelsee, Kameryn and I all went to see "The Queen," the second movie I've seen of the five nominated for Best Picture. And first of all, I have to say that Kameryn is banned from coming to any more movies with us. She wasn't bad, per say, she didn't CRY, she just wanted to talk and scream through the movie, so Jay missed the first parts of it outside with her, and I watched the end of the movie down near the exit.

From what I saw, I really liked it. I told mom today, though, that I don't like recommending movies on my blog because I think I don't do the movies justice. But I thought this was a good movie, really well acted, and I thought it was interesting that even though it doesn't seem like it at first, it actually tells the movie from both points of view, both the people's and the monarchies. I really liked it, and I think Helen Mirren will deserve it if she gets an Oscar for best actress.

After we saw the movie Chelsee wanted to go take pictures at Trolley Square for a photography assignment, so we went downtown. I was actually surprised by how many bouquets of flowers there were outside, along with notes and candles and even a shirt and a dreamcatcher. After she took some pictures outside, Jay wanted to go in. I know it's probably a little rediculous, but I was scared. I know I was probably as safe there as I am anywhere, but I still felt uneasy. I think the thing that may have bothered me the most inside was how normal it felt, besides flowers and notes left in different places, and Pottery Barn Kids was boarded up completely since we've found out that it was where the gunman was shot down. It was weird to know that something so terrible had happened in that place that I had been so many times before.

I think the worst of it was when we got to the gift shop where 5 people were shot. The glass was still boarded up, the store was closed, but inside were notes and flowers and things from the families to the people who had died inside. I couldn't help crying when I read them. It felt almost wrong to be there, insensitive in a way, like driving by a car accident you know is serious craning your neck to get a better look instead of respecting it.

Afterward we drove to a place we had seen while driving to Trolley Square. It caught our eye because of all the Catholic "Saint" candles, and Jay remembered hearing about it a few years ago; there were steps up so you could get a good look, and people claimed to have seen an image of the Virgin Mary in the tree. So we stopped and looked, but none of us saw anything but a tree trunk, and even the picture of what it had been before didn't serve as too much help since it had been there so long and there were water-droplets inside the frame.

It was a good day today, warm and beautiful. It was nice to get out of the house. I hope it stays as warm as it's been.

Jay's Play on Words

We walked out of the post office (yeah for doing taxes and getting a refund!) and the sun was shining really brightly. I told Jay "not to blind the baby," which is something that I say to him all the time, and we pulled the cover down over her eyes. Jay says,
"Yep, don't blind the baby. It's a non-blinding resolution."

Pretty smooth, huh?

What's a couple of years, anyway?

I don't know what it was exactly, but two nights ago I decided I was going to get over my fear and embarassment and make a call that is 2+ years overdue.

And then I quickly decided that, "No, I won't make this call, but I'll talk Jay into making it because I am motivated, but completely humiliated."

But, in my defense, Jay made the call and had to leave a message. When she called back tonight, I was the one who answered the phone and handled the situation. It sounded something like this:

Me, patheticly: "My name is Kjersti, you made our wedding video in 2004."
To which she responded in her completely sweet and chipper way, "Yeah, it's done!"
Which is something I kinda figured, I didn't think it took 2 years to make a wedding video, just two years for slackers such as Jay and I to contact her and finish paying for it so we can see it. FOR THE FIRST TIME.

So she's actually coming over tomorrow to pick up some pictures so she can finish the cover and get it to us, and I'm totally embarassed. In fact, anytime I watch Court TV and people sue stores for throwing their stuff away after leaving it for months and months, and the judge ALWAYS rules with the stores because the stuff has been abandoned, I slide down on my couch a little bit and try to hide. Luckilly, our videographer was patient. REALLY patient. Yes, rediculously patient.

And despite the embarassment for such obvious reasons, I can't tell you how excited I am to see it. I think it might actually be more fun to watch it now than it would've been to watch it right afterwards because of all the details we've probably forgotten in a day that took 10 months to plan and then was over so quickly.

Book One of February

I started a book tonight that I absolutely love. It's called "The Tipping Point, How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference." My friend Abby recommended it to me, and after Kameryn and Jay both went to bed early tonight I sat down with it and a Dr. Pepper to get my book-reading in for February.

I'm the kind of person who took a psychology class at Wever State and would read ahead in the book because I loved the content and all of the studies they had done, and this book is a lot like that, filled with scientific studies on how and why epidemics start. The thing I might love most about it, though, is that to prove their points they reference things like "The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" and Sesame Street. I sat down with it tonight thinking I'd read the introduction, blog, and get in bed early. In reality, I couldn't make myself stop reading and when I FINALLY put the book down, I realized I'm halfway through.

So thank you for the recommendation, Abs. It was spot on. And thanks for getting it for me for Christmas, Mom! You're the best! And for anyone who wants to borrow it after I'm done, I think I'll be done by Monday. And I love that I'm being serious about that.

I think this book is good in the same way the movie "Thank You For Smoking" is good in that it has a really good point that makes you think, but is also completely entertaining the whole way through. And if you haven't seen "Thank You For Smoking," call me and we can fix that, too.

The Day of Love

What better way to celebrate Valentines Day than listing all of the celebrity couples that Jay and I have outlasted? THERE IS NO BETTER WAY!!!

1.Britney Spears and Jason Alexander
2. Britney Spears and K-Fed (I think we get double points for that.)
3. Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
4. Eminem and Kim (the second time around.)
5. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock

And, yeah, that's it because I don't have the gusto to start looking them up on the Internet. I'm both pleased with thinking of at least 5 and also a little bit disgusted that these facts are actually lodged in my brain. My dad would be so ashamed!

Anyway, Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Trolley Square

I've always been really emotional. Even before I had Kameryn. I remember a co-worker at Einsteins making fun of how quickly I sympathized with people and was upset by sad circumstances, even when they had nothing to do with me.
The shooting at Trolley Square is really upsetting to me, which suprises me a bit because I try to not let things I see on the news get to me. I'm so sick of the news, by the way. I know "If it bleeds, it leads," but can we get a break? I don't need to hear about every child abuse case and fatal car accident and house fire and accidental death. And just so you know, an American Idol recap IS NOT NEWS.
But anyway, back to the Trolley Square topic: I think the worst part may be the son who lost his dad and the mom who lost her daughter. I won't let myself imagine myself in their places, that's too heartbreaking to even think about. Possibly bothers me the most about it is the pure randomness of the whole thing; if someone had gotten caught in traffic, or decided on Rumbi's instead of The Old Spaghetti Factory, things might be different.

When Kameryn was born I would sit and hold her and stare at her, and as much as I instantly loved her I also couldn't help but think that "This was a person who would out-live me. Here, in my arms." I think I was trying to come to terms with the huge responsibilty in front of me: My WHOLE LIFE. But it also weirded me out in a way and reminded me of my mortality.
As I've thought more about it I have completely lost the fear in thinking that Kameryn will out-live me. In fact, the only thing that I'm afraid of now is that she won't. I want her to bury me, and I refuse to think about it the other way around.

So it's hard for me to think about the mom who lost her 15 year old, not knowing that a trip to the mall would be the last time they would ever spend together, and that everything that was unsaid would remain unsaid forever because they were in the wrong place during a horrific time when an 18 year old would have the adacity to change their lives forever in the worst possible way.

I think I've said it, but if anything were to happen to me I wouldn't want this left unsaid: I love my family more than anything. I delight in being around you and I love to learn from you guys. Even the lame things that we've been through don't seem as bad because you're around. I really admire so many things about all of you, and I'm happy with the way we were raised and how we all turned out.
I think my mom and dad are the best and I appreciate what you've done for us and how you treated us growing up. I have so many fun memories of singing in the car during road trips and eating dinner all together and Sunday mornings on the bed. Honestly, the one thing (right now) that even makes me consider having more kids is I don't want Kameryn to miss out on all the fun I had growing up with my brothers and sisters. It was hard sometimes, but we got a loyalty to each other out of it that makes it all worth it.
I love my husband. I wonder sometimes about some of the choices we made (read: DEBT) and I don't think we fully understood everything we were getting into when we got married and then got pregnant, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. Despite all the work and worry and sometimes just getting by, I love you and I think we'll be the type that stays together until we're old and gray and finishing each other's sentences.
I love my daughter in an almost consuming way. I never would want her to doubt how much I love her and how I would do anything for her. I get excited to be around her, I can't wait to play with her after she wakes up or after I get home from work. I love to see how big she's growing and I think she has the most incredible, loving personality.

In a way I apoligise if this entry is completely depressing or redundant. It's been therapeutic for me to write it out and get the thoughts onto the screen and out of my head.

As lame as it might sound, my heart goes out to the people who are suffering because of the shooting. I hope you have faith in something that can help get you through, or people who are close to you that you can lean on until you heal. It's hard to accept that people can be so heartless to each other, and the only comfort I can take in the situation is that times like this show us how awful we can be to each other, but also the people who will selflessly protect each other. If possible, focus on that.

I fell for it again. I got in bed next to Jay and was talking to him and we both fell asleep. It's a trap, I swear. Anyway, more tomorrow.