HAPPY 11 MONTHS, KAMI!

Five Things:

Copying Mel's blog, here are 5 things that you may or may not know about me:

1. I became an MA because I was out of work for awhile and every time I got the Sunday classified ads there were always a bunch of MA jobs open. I called Mountainwest College, one that was constantly playing commercials for MA courses, on a Thursday asking for information. They called me back to come in and tour the school which was set up on Friday, and I was enrolled and in school by Monday.

2. I love being an MA, but one of my main life goals is to write. I haven't decided what yet, be it a play or novel or a book of poetry, but I would love to have my words published in one way or another. It's a common goal in my family, and one I had almost given up on. Then the other day I was organizing all the things I want to scrapbook, and I found a little note from my Grandma Turner in among my things. It said something exceedingly simple, something like, "Wishing you every happiness, Grandma T." It was pinned to a blanket that she made us for our wedding. Looking at it I couldn't help but realize that words can go on after I'm gone. In a way, it grants us immortality. And so I have a dream of writing again.

3. I want to have four kids, and ideally I would love to have them about two years apart. I know, that would mean we would start trying for another baby around August, which I can't see happening. We haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Jay and I plan on having two boys and two girls ('cuz we can TOTALLY plan stuff like that) and we already have their names picked out. We also had already chosen Kameryn Lee, and we liked it the best, but all of the other names we've chosen are a lot more traditional.

4. I love things that are paranormal, I love watching TV shows about ghosts and the Loch Ness Monster and the Winchester Mansion, but I hate things like Tarot Cards. I've had a lot of experiences with things I can't quite explain, but I try not to convince myself I "believe in" any of it because it scares me.

5. I have a haunting, irrational fear of dying in a car accident, specifically by being side swiped. I also hate driving under overpasses because I'm always afraid they'll fall on me. When I admitted that fear to Jay he told me it was a much better idea to be afraid of driving on the overpass that was falling because then your car would plummet to the Earth below. Now I'm afraid of that, too. I'm afraid of the ocean because thinking about the size of whales makes me nervous.

I Remember When:

I remember when I was able to come home from work and curl up in bed to take a nap if it had been a long day.
I remember sleeping through the night, and sleeping in on weekends.
I distinctly remember a time that did not involve waking up in the middle of the night to make bottles.

I also remember thinking I knew what it meant to really love someone, and looking back on it now, I know I didn't have a clue.

I would give up sleep and a whole lot more to watch her smile and discover new things.

How's that for a sappy little blog?

Bedtime

Tonight was frustrating putting Kameryn to bed, she doesn't want to sleep even when she's tired because she doesn't want to miss anything. After I put her to bed tonight she stood up in her crib and SCREAMED and cried until I went back in and held her for a bit. I tried to read her stories and play with her, but anytime I tried to put her back in her crib, even if she was sitting up, she would cry until she ran out of breath, and then SCREAM.

I left her again thinking she could cry it out, but again went back in when she still wouldn't stop. I picked her up and she cuddled with me, and we went out and sat on the couch. We both leaned up against the back of the couch and cuddled together. She hugged me and kissed me an ran her hands across my hair while she tried to stay awake, until she couldn't keep her eyes open.

I put her in her crib and stroked her hair, and I almost felt like she had when I tried to put her to bed before; I almost wanted to wake her up so we could spend some more quiet time together. I hope we can stay close as she gets older.

Sunday Fun

A Change of Heart

Tonight ended up being a good night after all. It was Jay's dad's 60th birthday, and we went up tonight to make them dinner and watch a movie. I have to say, I wasn't excited about it at all. I had imagined spening Saturday night at the dollar theatre, and that plan became "hang out with the in-laws."
I think the first thing that made me change my mind was writing in the birthday card. We left it at home on accident and I had a chance to sit quietly by myself and think about Jay's dad and what I like about him. There are SO MANY things, and as I sat there and thought about it, it became really clear to me that I didn't want to miss out on his birthday.
So we went up tonight, and we ate a great meal and laughed a lot. Jay even managed to sneak upstairs at one point to call his brother and remind him of his dad's birthday, which he had totally forgotten.
I don't know for sure, but I think Jay's dad had a good night. And that made me feel really good.

Then, on the way home I saw a shooting star. I haven't seen one for years. It made me totally giddy. And I made a REALLY good wish.

"Half Nelson"

I watched a movie I really liked last night called "Half Nelson." I had heard of it because it was the movie that Ryan Gosling (from The Notebook) got an Academy Award nomination for, and then at the video store I picked it up and read the back. It sounded like a movie with the "Dangerous Minds" theme, which is one that I like but also one that a TON of movies try to pull off and fail.
After watching it I think that some people would really get into it and like it, but it's probably not for everyone. It has a "Garden State" feel to it, mixed with a little bit of "Lost in Translation." It's low budget. It's the kind of movie that makes you feel really uneasy at times and doesn't really resolve, but also has a really sweet, quiet message if you're willing to seek it. I loved it.
When I see a movie I like this much I listen to the commentary and watch the deleted scenes and wrap myself in the movie and the thought process it takes to write the movie, and I've found that it really interests me. It might seem crazy to some people, but for me the thought of making a movie and getting to choose every detail about what goes on, from what music is playing to what scenes the character is watching on the T.V., is appealing to me. I would love to be a screenwriter, if I could just come up with a story worth telling.
If anyone watches this movie, let me know what you think.

SHowing off the Camera, Part 2

We took these pictures about a week ago when we went to Sugarhouse Park (Again!) to feed the ducks. The weather has been so beautiful, it's nice to get out of the house, and it's hard to tell which of us has the most fun.

One lesson that we didn't convey well enough was that the bread was for the DUCKS. So Kameryn, while being held like a sack pf potatoes by Chelsee, would grab a bit of the bread we were throwing to the birds and eat it herself. We discovered how much she liked the bread the day before this, since a loaf was sitting in the car and she managed to open the bag and pull out little handfuls while we were driving. We got her out of the car that day surprised to find her covered in crumbs, and happy as a clam.

I know I've mentioned before that people have a tendancy to go out of their ways to see Kameryn. People wave to her and make faces at her, and some people will come right up and touch her feet or hands and even her face. This little girl took the cake. She came up and was touching Kameryn all over while she asked how old she was and told us how cute she was. I couldn't help but snap a few pictures as I wondered if this was, in fact, really happening.
So, this picture poste sideways and I don't know how to change it or delete it. I didn't think the blog would be complete without showing Chelsee getting slimed!

THE ZOO!

As you know, for my birthday we went to the zoo. I like the zoo every now and again, but I mainly wanted to go to see Kameryn's reactions to things. She totally made it worth it by waving to the different animals, blowing them kisses and sometimes when she would see the animals in their cages she would let out a delighted squeal! Here are the pictures, as promised: This is us first arriving. I was one of those moms who spent the first 20 minutes of our time standing in line at the gift shop getting sunscreen for Kami and me. If she ends up having skin like mine, it was worth it because we left sunburn free.

This picture sums up the whole experience really well: Kami was delighted to see the animals, and we were delighted watching her see the animals.

I've always kinda felt the same way about people taking pictures of animals at the zoo the same way I feel about people taking pictures by trees. But I swear, there's something in the water because once I got there, I was one of them, snapping away. This was the first animal Kami saw and squealed about, the Sand Cat. You'll notice they're aren't any pictures of the elephants or rhinos because they really scared her.

This is Kami waving to the monkeys.

This is one of the monkeys in question.

Some of Kami's reactions.

This is how she would blow the animals kisses, which right now looks more like "Suck on my fingers and then try and touch the glass on the cages."

I had originally thought that the monkeys would be Kameryn's favorite part of the zoo, but I was wrong. The one thing she loved more than anything else were these cats. She loved sitting on them, and cried when we finally walked away to look at more of the live animals.

This guy is a red Panda. I don't know if I've ever seen one before, and he was pretty cool.

Kameryn was so tired by the end that she could barely keep her eyes open, and she fell completely asleep as we were walking back up to the car. It was worth it, though.

Now You're Gone, Gone, Gone!

So, I found the disk so I could upload my pictures, but I have no idea how to plug the computer in, I'm pretty sure we can't. So I'll have to wait until tomorrow when I can ask Jay. I'm so computer illiterate when it comes to anything besides the most basic things that it's pretty embarassing. I'm that way with my car, too.

Anyway, my latest news is that I went to work today only to discover that one of my co-workers, another MA, was "let go" yesterday. I came in and they told me that she was "no longer with us," which makes it sound more like we should be attending her funeral and less like she finally got canned. I'm kinda sad about it, she was a really good person and fun to work with, but I also know exactly why they made that choice.

The good thing about it is that working for the doctor by myself today has given me some extra confidence that I can do this job well all by myself. I still don't know everything, but I think I can handle a lot and I feel confident that the doctor can depend on me and I won't let him down.

We also got a temp to help us out. She seems nice enough, she's really friendly, but I hope that her and I won't have to work too closely together for too long. She watches everything I do to learn how to do it, but then she'll also give me instructions if she thinks I'm doing something wrong. How do you nicely say to someone, "Hey, you're supposed to be learning from ME, and I don't need or appreciate your suggestions."? I guess just like that. Hopefully it won't get to that point.

I'm about ready to work for the next month with Dr. Allie. It will be so fun I doubt I'll even think of it as work. I'm so excited for her to meet my doctors and for them to meet her. I know they'll both be impressed.

Nobody Likes You When You're 23...

First of all I want to say thank you to everyone who sent E-mails and gave presents and posted blogs and sent cards regarding my birthday! It was so sweet of all of you!
I have to say that this has been my favorite birthday that I can remember. I got the day off, and Jay and I went bowling and to lunch and to the zoo with Kameryn, which is exactly how I wanted my birthday to go. I took so many amazing pictures of my baby with my fancy new camera. The only reason they're not posted is because I have to download some software before I can upload them, and I don't know what Jay did with the disk. So wait with baited breath. They're coming, and they're awesome!
Also, tonight we rented and watched a movie I've been wanting to see for a long time, "Running with Scissors." Yeah, don't waste your money on it. There's some parts in it that are touching, but the rest of it is neither here nor there, and some parts make you wonder why you're still watching it at all.

A Birthday Sucker

I know that I'm a total sucker for my baby. The proof lies in the fact that I have the day off for my 23rd birthday and I'm planning on spending the day at the zoo. And I can't wait! I can't wait to see the expression on Kami's face when she sees the monkeys!

Pre-Birthday Party

Yeah, today freakin' rocked. After getting our wedding video (see previous blog. Yep, I'm blogging twice in one day. And yes, I know it's on a weekend so no one will comment. I'm okay with it.) My family all got together for an early dinner at El Matador and games afterward at Mom's house.

I know it's a little juvenile to list the things I got for my birthday, but yeah, I'm gonna do it anyway.

Chelsee got me Little Miss Sunshine, which I can't say enough about because I love the movie. She also got me a framed 8x10 picture of this:

Needless to say, I loved it.

Jay got me a new digital camera that we probably spent way too much on, but that I know will be SO WORTH IT. And think of all the cheating blogs it will provide for! Now I just need Chelsee to show me how to use it.

Mom got me the anticipated birthday card which I totally loved. Yeah, I cried. Who's surprised?

And Danae and Gary got me a sign, one of those really cute wooden ones that says: Family - Together we have it all. I've wanted a sign like that for so long because I think they're so classy and fun. The one they chose was perfect.

AND, that's right AND, she got me a book Allison told me about called "Spook," by Mary Roach, the same author as "Stiff - The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers." In "Spook" she tries to use Science to prove whether or not there's an afterlife.

I have to say, I started "Twilight" and wanted it to be my book for March, and I really like it, but I think "Spook" is going to take the coveted spot: I started it tonight and only put it down after I was over 70 pages into it. This author is awesome, she writes about really interesting things in the first place, but then just puts in little funny comments along the way, making it more like you're sitting and talking with her than a textbook. It starts out talking about reincarnation and about a man in India that studies cases to try and prove or disprove them. Then the second chapter goes straight into talking about sperm and the history of how scientists thought life developed. I only put it down because the words were starting to blur together, I know I'll be up and reading it again every chance I get tomorrow.

Thank you all for everything, it was so much fun and I got completely spoiled. Not that I'm complaining....

Moment by Moment

I don't think it's a good thing to leave your videographer waiting for 2+ years before you finally pay her and get your wedding video. That's something I want to say up front. However, I think watching it for the first time over two years later made it a lot more enjoyable than it would have been if we had gotten it right afterwards.

Though, to her credit, she did catch some things on there that could make you smile, no matter how much time had gone by.

I LOVE our video, which is obvious that we finally got today. It is completely filled with little dances and seductive/playful glances from Jay, and she caught us laughing for most of it. We also finally got to see what it looked like when we fed each other the cake, which was fun to remember but even better to watch.

However, she also caught some scenes where you can't even take your eyes off my tounge-ring, let alone not notice it. Yes, I had a tongue ring for a few months that year. I thought it was really cute. But not so much in a wedding video.

I remember my sister in law telling me not to stress about my wedding, and especially not to go into debt over my wedding, both pieces of advice were discarded. But dang it, watching the video makes me remember how beautiful and PERFECT everything turned out, and I can't say I regret it.

ALSO, if anyone reading this blog knows someone that is getting married or is otherwise needing a videographer, CALL ME and I will give you the number of these people. We have been so impressed. (Unless it's Chelsee and her friends getting married are LAME. In that case I'll recommend our photographers.)

A Toss Up

Okay, so there are some pretty decent reasons that I should completely believe that Kameryn is my baby. Aside from the whole delivery thing, which I was there for, she likes Sesame Street. It might have been a fluke, but on Wednesday we watched AN ENTIRE EPISODE. Me and Kameryn and Isaac were all chilling on the couch learning about the letter R and number 8.
HOWEVER, this morning I have reason to believe Kameryn isn't my baby after all. We went to Einstein's for breakfast this morning, and things started off normally. But then, something a little unsettling happened: Jay decided, for fun, to give Kameryn his pickle. It was cut into fourths, so it was a big, juicy pickle that was hard enough she couldn't break anything off but soft enough she could gnaw on it. We watched her as she first put it into her mouth, and I was thinking about the look on her face when she tasted it and how far she would throw it across the restaraunt. But wait, where was the look of disgust? Why wasn't it thrown against the wall? She tasted it, and then just kept on gumming it like it was delightful. We both stared at her, completely disbelieveing. But she loved it, sucking on one side until it got too soft, and then sucking on the other side. She didn't want us to take it away from her. Why had we waited so long to let her enjoy the salt and vinegar wonder?
So now I have my doubts. How could a baby that likes, no, LOVES pickles actually be my daughter? Who could've let this happen?
And really, we all know the answer: Her dad.

One Word

I'll copy Danae's post since I've already copied the E-mail idea on this subject. The words that I got sent back that describe me were:

Witty
Comedian
Infectious, with the explination that "If I'm happy, everyone's happy. If I'm laughing, everyone's laughing."
Smart
Love
Mother
Woman
Scarlett

I was so delighted with all the responses I got, and it was so fun to see how people would sum me up.

A Softer World

"Dad says that Gramma is always with us"

"Even though I'm sure he can't hear her"

"When she sings me my lullaby."

Dooce had this site on her website and that's how I found it. When I first started reading these I found there are some I loved and some that are REALLY weird. Going through scrapbook stuff yesterday I found a bunch of these I had printed off, and went to the site again for the first time in a long time. I loved this one when I read it. Even if you don't like what it says, I love how sweet the little girl is in the picture. I love the captions, though.

Insight

The other day when we were in the middle of a procedure the wife of our patient said something about how women are stronger than men. (For the record, I used to love jabs like that against guys, I thought it was really cool, but now I think it's kinda sad.)
My doctor said something I've never really thought about. He simply responded with, "I think men just go through life assuming they're never going to have to feel pain, where women understand they'll feel it sooner or later. Women have to come in for their pap smears and know they'll go into labor after they get pregnant. Guys aren't that way."
What do you think?

Happy Birthday Wesley!

Buddy, for your birthday I've decided to give you something I know you'll enjoy: I'm going to forgive you for throwing my Spice Girls tape into the bushes where it probably still is. I know, I know, I'm a total stud. You don't have to thank me.
Really, though, I look up to you and I love you so much. I love when you come home because you're so fun to be around and I wish I could see you more often. I hope you do something awesome for your birthday, and hopefully I'll see you again fairly soon. (I hope you know if it takes having another baby to get you down here, I'LL DO IT! I'm not scared!)
Love you buddy!

An Actual Conversation

Today I called Baskin Robbins to get ahold of Chelsee. Someone answered the phone that I thought was her.

"Baskin Robbins."
"Hey Chelsee."
"What?"
Realizing it's not her after all, "Oh, is Chelsee there?"
"Who?"
"Chelsee?"
"Who?"
"CHESLEE!"
"No one named Sophie works here."
"No, Chelsee."
"Who?"
"CHELSEE."
"No one named Sophie works here!"

By this point I'm yelling into the phone.
"I DON'T NEED SOPHIE, I NEED CHEL-SEE." And that was me putting emphasis on EVERY syllable in her name.
"Oh, Chelsee? Yeah, hold on."

Dude, there's a reason Chelsee gets paid so much and is in management. I bet he has to hire people like this ALL THE TIME.