A LIST OF BABY LISTS

Things That I'm Completely Excited For:
1. Seeing my baby for the first time. I have this idea in my head of what it will be like to have them hand her to me for the first time, and I think it will be one of the greatest moments in my life, topped only by the same moment with my other kids, if I choose to have other kids. I'm excited to meet her and have her meet me.
2. Watching Jay with her. Jay has wanted to start a family since I first knew him. My sister-in-law joked with me when we told her we were getting married that I should expect to have a baby right away, because it's all Jay has wanted as long as she's known him. I know all dad's are taken with their children, but I think Jay will bring loving and spoiling his baby to a whole new level! :)
3. Watching her grow up. I'm a little scared of her when she's brand new, I'm counting on my mom being there to make sure I get through it. New babies are so fragile and helpless, I'm scared of needing to be everything for this baby and then coming up short. But I'll love it as she gets older and learns to laugh and to coo.

Things I'm Terrified Of:
1. Everything. I don't know how women do it, honestly. I watch women do it from afar, and I see that after you have a baby you're it's feeding source and it's protection and it's security. And on top of that you're sore and you're sleep deprived, and yet you have to step up and be everything for this baby because that's what it's counting on you to do.
2. And you do it because you love them. Right off the bat, you love them, or that's what I've heard. And I think loving something that much is scary. I watch moms bring their babies in when their babies are sick and it's hard to tell which one is more miserable, the baby who is feeling worse than it ever has in it's life up to this point, or the mom, who has to sit back and watch and can't do anything.
3. Myself. I'm not a nice person when I'm hungry or tired. Ask my husband. I'm scared of the way this baby is going to test me and I'm scared I'm gonna come up short.

Things I'm Grateful For:
1. Despite my bitching, I'm incredibly grateful for the fact that Jay and I can have kids. It wasn't planned and she may not come when it would be easiest for us, but there are people out there who have to try for YEARS to have kids, and some who never can. I'm happy that we're not in that group.
2. My family and friends. Everyone has been so supportive of us, and I really appreciate it. I especially love that I know my mom's gonna take a week off of work to help me and be with me, because I really feel like I'll be learning from the best.
3. Jay. He loves our baby so much already, and he's been everything I've needed him to be. He cooks for me, he comes to every appointment with me, and he's excited and scared with me. Single moms, I don't know how you do it. I think you're incredibly brave and strong. I'm glad I don't have to be that way and I have my husband with me on this one.