Love Letter, Month 12

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAMI!!! I can't believe my sweetest girl is a year old. When I sit and rock you to sleep at night in the rocker in your room, it's so easy to remember the first few days after we brought you home from the hospital. Some of my clearest memories are cuddling up to you when both of us started to fall asleep. I don't think there's anything sweeter than cuddling up with your baby to fall asleep. I also remember sitting in that room, watching the clock anxiously to make sure you breastfed for 15 minutes on each side. I know that's probably not the funnest thing to muse about, but it's funny what having a baby will do to you. When you're pregnant you get to worry about your backache and making it to the bathroom every 15 minutes. Then your baby is born and you're faced with making sure she's warm/cool enough and has enough to eat and her diaper is clean and getting shots every couple months.

And I think maybe I've presented it making it sound like a hassle, but I don't think of it that way at all. Having you in my life has been so rewarding from the very beginning, from that first ultrasound. When you were first born you were so amazing to me, and my little love. As you grow older you just add to that, and now at a year old you're so fun to be with and completely entertaining. And you still keep me on my toes and are constantly teaching me new things, and I love that. Sometimes not while it's happening, but always in retrospect.Some months go by and you happilly spend them perfecting what you've already learned. This last month wasn't one of those. You seemed to keep learning new things and the long awaited tooth FINALLY arrived. It gave us a lot of trouble and we didn't get a lot of sleep some nights, but now it's there, white and crooked and alone for now, and it might be the cutest thing ever.

You also learned to stand up, which I think you may have taught yourself because you wanted the attention. Unlike a lot of babies, you didn't teach yourself to stand up on the furniture and then let go. Your expectations were higher than that. You would go into the middle of the room, put your feet and hand on the floor, and then push up on your thighs until you were standing. At first you would grunt from the effort of it all as you righted yourself, but you've praticed so much now that you've even added to it: You'll stand up and dance, or bend down to pick up your toys and then stand up again. Even now I'm really impressed by it, and I know that your first step isn't too far off.

Allie was in town this month, and at first you weren't quite sure what to make of her. You would let her hold you for a minute or two, and then you wanted us to take you back. However, we know your weakness: You LOVE hair. It's a fascination of yours I don't quite understand and don't know what to credit to, but it's almost fool-proof, and when we wanted you to give Allie a second chance, all we had to do was show you her long, luxiourious hair, and you were won over. Sometimes you were so overcome you wanted to lick her hair, and yes, sometimes you did before we could stop you. By the end of the month there were times that you wanted Allie to hold you, and even if I came over to take you back, you wouldn't come to me.

This past month you've gotten really good at trying different foods, and you seem to like most of what you try. We've given you rice, eggs, a bagel, fruit, chocolate, chips, pickles, fries, noodles, and most recently ice cream and cake. You happilly gum what we give you and leave a trail of food behind you, so I'm not sure how much you actually eat, but it amazes me that you're old enough now that when we go out, we usually order something small for you.

Lately you've become a master at imitation. You laugh when we laugh, throwing your head back, and you'll copy words we say to you, including "Mama," "Dada" and most recently "BA!" while pointing to your belly button. This, of course, means that we'll have to be a lot more careful in talking around you, but it also has been positive, like the other morning when you watched your dad and me brushing our teeth and you decided you needed to do it, too.

As for your birthday, we celebrated twice. We had a barbeque on Friday night with your family, and then we went out on Sunday to do some things we thought that you'd enjoy. Both were a lot of fun and deserve their own posts, but I have to say that your party turned out really well, and a lot of your family came, including Aunt Nolana and Uncle Alan and your cousins, your Grandpa up from Provo and your Great Grandma Hanna. I was touched by how many people came because they love you. You're so lucky to have so many people aroun you who support you, and I hope that's something that you don't forget as you grow up. We had a lot of fun, took a ton of pictures and we found out how much you like chocolate cake.

For your actual birthday on Sunday we went to breakfast and then we tried to take you to Tracy Avairy. You liked the zoo so much that we thought you would like the birds, but we were wrong. All you wanted to do was walk around on the grass with help from me or your dad or Aunt Chelsee. Anytime we tried to show you the birds you would glance over, take it in, and then get back to walking around, which was much more important.

After we walked around Tracy Avairy we decided to go get some birthday ice cream, and since it was your birthday we let you try to eat it yourself, no holds barred. It turned into a classic example of how you can take something ordinary and make it into something really fun. First, you decided that three spoons were better than one, followed by deciding that the more there was on the table, the better.

By the end you, the table, the floor and my shirt were all covered in ice cream, which you loved. You would break into a huge smile, and then throw your head back and laugh, which made all of us do the same. I think you probably ate one spoonful of ice cream, but it was completely worth it.

I know I always end these posts telling you how much I love you, but tonight I left it up to my good friend, Dooce (because I'm SURE we could be good friends if she would ever write me back!), because she eloquently writes the thoughts I have but stumble over in trying to verbalize them. She wrote this to her daughter, Leta:

Leta, I feel like I have been given a second chance at life, a life through the magic of your eyes, a life that I am finally able to appreciate fully since I got the help I needed for my disease. The world has more color in it because you are looking at it, music is a bit louder because you are hearing it. I never knew how funny a noise could be until you laughed at it, or just how excruciatingly handsome your father was until I saw your profile next to his. I thought that there was meaning in my life before you came along, but Hell if I even knew the meaning of meaning. For the majority of my life I thought I had religion, but never has there been a more reverent moment in my life than walking into your room late at night to watch you breathe, to hear your life in the air. If there is a God, you’d certainly be proof that he or she exists.

And that sums it up pretty well. I love you baby girl.