What a Difference a Year Makes:

ONE YEAR LATER:

Monday Night Fun

Chelsee has already shown off the good time we had taking pictures of Allie in her wedding dress yesterday. I was going to make a post of my own showing off the pictures I had taken, but apparently my computer just can't hack it. I moved three into my picture file, and then my computer let me know I didn't have ANY more disk space. NONE. Not only that, but it wasn't playing anymore. I tried to go into a picture and rotate it, and it didn't budge. The laptop has put it's foot down.
As for the pictures I got before the technological temper tantrum, they're some of my favorites:The last picture I got was of Kami, but I can't lie and say I took the picture. It was another one of Chelsee's brilliant moments behind the camera: We were helping Kameryn drink out of the drinking fountain, which she was having a lot of fun with, and she looked back at her dad long enough for Chelsee to snap this shot:

As Promised:

Here's a quick view of my sweetest girl's latest triumph:
Pulling herself to standing, holding onto Quackers for dear life and toes curled...

Standing, still holding her best friend securely, but still a little wobbly...

And then, like a master, she straightens herself out, gets her balance and gets a smile on her face that would melt your heart clean out of your chest! And all with duck intact! What a big girl!

Friday Night Love Fest

I'm not usually a big fan of Friday nights. Lately when I get home from work Jay just needs to sleep, and it's hard to spend Friday nights without him and still have fun. Tonight was that kind of night, when I got home Jay made dinner, but then went to bed shortly afterwards and it was just me and Kami.

We watched "The Pursuit of Happyness," and I really loved it. The best part to some people might be how the main character achieves his goal, but for me the fun of it was watching the Dad and son. I felt really in touch with their relationship and with the dad's protectiveness. I identified with how he was always trying to keep his son safe and distract him from the obvious problems while he tried to make their lives better.

All in all, I don't think there's anything better than watching parents with their kids. I remember back when I was in 5th or 6th grade, me and some friends of mine had walked up to Oak Hills Elementary to play. When we got there we found a mom with her son, and they were playing baseball. I remember feeling a huge amount of jealousy and an aching in my stomach, missing something I didn't have. I remember thinking that I wanted to be that kind of Mom.

I've found that my realtionship with Kameryn is something that is really powerful. So much, in fact, that I really try not to let myself live through her. It's hard, though, because I'm so proud of almost everything she does and I love her spirit. I try not to live THROUGH her, but I think that she has taught me a lot about how I want to live. I also try not to let her define me, I don't want to get caught in the trap of JUST being Kameryn's mom. But in a way she has defined me in a way I can't really change, and wouldn't want to. I love being her mom and I would do anything for her.

One of the best and scariest parts of being with Kameryn is when she's sick or hurting and all she wants is for me to hold her. I love that I can GIVE that feeling that I get from my mom, healing her a bit by just being there. It's also a time that I feel helpless, I hate when Kameryn is hurt or sick and I would take it away from her in a second if I knew I could.

One thing I want for us is I don't ever want to take Kameryn for granted, or think of her as a burden. Sometimes, I will admit, that is easier said than done, but when it comes down to it, I wouldn't want to be without her.

And nights like tonight end up being perfect because she's around. When she's drinking her bottle with her head in my lap and I can sit and stroke her hair, I'm glad that we can sit and keep each other company on Friday nights.

Any Advice?

As Kameryn has been teething, she's been sleeping less and less. We had a really good schedule going for awhile, but it has completely dissolved. Last night she would fight off sleeping until she finally gave in - at 2 in the morning! Does anyone have any advice for me? Is it just a rough patch and I should be patient with it, or should I train her to sleep in her crib all over again? ANY advice would be appreciated, even if it's just ideas from my friends who don't have kids. We can't keep staying up like this.

A Glorious Return To Blogging

I know I've been completely slacking on blogging lately. There are two main reasons. The first is that Kameryn is teething. She got her first tooth on Friday, just a little white sliver sticking up out of her gums on the bottom left. It, understandably, has been causing her a lot of pain and even before we realized that the problem was teething she was grumpy and irritable. That's the first reason. The second reason is that her grumpiness is keeping her up at night, which is when I usually blog, and by the time she's sleeping I don't want to keep my eyes open one more second or try and work on coherant sentences. It makes me a little bit sad that Kameryn has been so grumpy lately because instead of smiling all the time, she gets really whiny and it's hard to take in large doses. I think I'll be happy when it's over.

On the other hand, Kameryn is practicing standing up more and more, and now she stands up and will dance. It's more like bending her knees and boucing, but it's really fun to watch and she gets really proud of herself. I predict we have a month at most before she's walking everywhere and getting into everything.

As for me, I still haven't gotten published on Postsecret.com, but I have been thinking more about writing a poem for "National Poetry Writing Month." I'll have to sit and try to write it out before I post it, so I'll have to publish it in all it's majesty later this month.

Planning Ahead, Chelsee Style

Jay and I were talking about it last night, and I'm wiritng about it to get a general idea of what people think: We were thinking about having Kameryn's birthday party at Muller Park and barbaquing some hamburgers. The idea came up because we know Jay's parents would really like to be at her party, but we couldn't invite them to Mom's because Mary Jane is allergic to the cats.
Also, instead of her actual birthday, we're wondering if it would work on Friday, April 27 because Allison is going home early and leaving the next morning. Would you guys want to do it after work? Please respond one way or another.

Updates and Triumphs

Sadly, neither Jay nor I got posted on Postsecret this week. Instead of making me sad, it makes me think of a bunch of other secrets I could send in. It seems a little like the lottery, the more times you enter, the better your chances are. I think a lot of my secrets would be dorky confessions, though, not the deep dark ones, which admittedly aren't as fun. It would be fun to make it into a book, though.

Kameryn still hasn't had her tooth come through, but she did achieve another "first" tonight. She was on the floor in the living room where we were eating dinner and watching the new show "Thank God You're Here," and she would get on her feet with her hands on the floor. Slowly she would pull her upper body until she was standing upright, shaking from the awkwardness of it, and proud as she could be of herself. Then she would fall on her bum, and start the whole thing again. She did it until she was too tired to do it anymore. We were both so proud of her! She'll be walking around in no time, which is a funny thought. She's still so little, I can't believe that soon she'll be walking on her own.

And yes, knowing that she'll turn one in 3 weeks does make me want to cry!!!

Anyway, our camera refuses to take anymore pictures until we change he batteries, so I will get pictures of her standing by herself as soon as I can.

An Easter Cheating Blog

This picture is of Kami and Chelsee, and Chelsee's hot new hair!

Not only is Mr. Quackers a good friend that makes good company, he also can double as a pillow when your mom is washing the dishes and you can't keep your eyes open one more second.

At long last, I have finally captured the "mad look." Kameryn has been doing this one more and more often, but it hasn't been photographed until now. Even in this picture, this seems to be the tail end of her "look." Normally her nose would be a bit more crinkled.

Kameryn's first Easter and today we discovered how close she is to getting a tooth of her own! It's right below the surface and I think it will make an appearance soon.

Up Late, Tired, and Blogging about What's On My Mind

I used to love staying up at night writing stories. My favorite thing was writing until I couldn't keep my eyes open, and then after sleeping through the night I would wake up and read what I wrote, and sometimes I was surprised by how little I would remember. I don't remember how old I was, but I remember I would write love stories and I would fall completely in love with the "boyfriend." I would go to school and miss him and want to come home to be with this guy who was completely fictional.

I really wish I could find that kind of passion again for writing, maybe without the crazy "In love with the fictious guy" undertones.

With that I think the problem is being willing to take the risk of someone reading what I write and not liking it, and for that matter, writing something to go back myself and not like it.

I heard that April is the "National Poetry Month." I think my goal for this month may be writing something new and posting it. Maybe I can tap into the inner poet I used to be so in touch with. Anyone want to join me?

Dr. Allison

If I can just brag for a second, I have to say that having Allison at work with me the past couple days has been so fun! It's nice to have her sit and talk to me, but I also love seeing her with the doctors and going into the patient's rooms. I haven't ever heard her talk with a patient closely enough that I could actually hear what is being said, but I can tell from the tones in the room that after a few short minutes in the room with any patient, Allison has got them comfortable enough to tell her what she needs to know. Her bedside manner is incredible, and most patients walk out of the room wishing her the best and happy that they've mey her. I knew she would be a good doctor before, but let me tell you, you should see her in action.

Love Letter, Month 11

I'm paranoid enough that I took the day off work when Kameryn got her 2, 4 and 6 month shots. I was so worried that something would happen to her when she was too little to fight it off. Getting to be 11 months old with only some minor colds to overcome has been so relieveing for me, and now instead of SIDS I've moved on to be nervous about her walking and falling and cracking her head open! It hasn't happened yet, but if she's anything like I was growing up I'm sure there will be stitches in our future.This month Kameryn has been practicing walking along the furniture, talking and eating. She's getting so good at walking along the furniture she'll walk all the way around the coffee table, most of the time to get to something we've tried to push out of her reach. Sometimes she'll even stand on her own, but most of the time she does it until she realizes that she doesn't have her hand on anything, and she'll reach out as soon as it dawns on her. It won't be long until she's walking around the house, though, and we're not in any hurry for it to start happening.The other night I was giving Kameryn a bath, and she was playing with her toys and having fun, but she stood up. I said, "Kameryn, are you ready to get out?" And she said, "Yeah." I said, "Okay, but you have to sit down." And so she sat back down in the tub. It was the weirdest and most amazing thing to realize that her and I had just had, albeit small, a conversation where she could voice what she wanted. I get so excited for all the things she'll say when she finally can let us know what she's thinking, and until then I love any small progresses we make. She "talks" non-stop sometimes, especially when she's playing with her toys. Also, the other day we were in the car, and she was talking to herself, and after awhile she would laugh and clap her hands, like she was telling herself jokes. Then she would do it again, start talking, laugh, and clap her hands. I love that she has a sense of humor, and she really does, she loves to laugh.Kameryn still doesn't love baby food. Sometimes she'll indulge us and have some, but she gets bored with it pretty quicky. However, she LOVES to eat "real food." She loves bread and crackers, and she loves fruit. I can't actually tell you how much of it she eats, because a lot of times she'll suck and gnaw on whatever it is we've given her until it's soggy and then she'll drop it or spit it out, but it makes her so happy. Lately we've been giving her pieces of cantalope and honey dew, two fruits I can't stand, and she loves them. We give her big enough pieces that she can't choke, but what she likes to do with them is stick the whole thing in her mouth and hold whatever is sticking out with her finger. She also recently tried ice cream, which she loved. She would suck a little bit into her mouth and then give a huge smile, almost like she couldn't believe something this tasty existed. Kameryn is really smart, and she's constantly learning new things that we like to show off. This is her showing Grandma where her nose is, and a bunch of us were in the room and she indulged us by going around the circle of people and showing each of us where our noses were. She also loves to have books read to her and loves when we count things for her. I was counting ice cream cones on the front of a card with her, and even after I was done she would take my finger and move them over each cone to get me to keep counting them.Kameryn is still my little lover. She loves to be with her family, and anytime she sees her cousin Isaac and can get close enough she always wants to kiss him or snuggle up with him. She seems to be slowing down on the big, sloppy kisses she gives, and instead she likes to hug or put her head next to yours.

I love to take Kameryn to see new things because she really likes it, but then when something happens that she's never seen before she gets really quiet and thinks about it, almost like she's trying to figure it out. She's like that with a lot of different things. She's not the type to just accept that she's too little to understand. This picture is one I love because it's the look she gets on her face when she's being the little scientist.
That's something I really love about her. I love her spirit and her sweetness. I love how happy she makes me, and I love how easilly she seems to make other people happy. She really inspires me with her stregnth and determination, but also how she is getting so big and learning so much and she seems to love it and do it with such grace. I still rush home from work so I can see her and play with her.
Kami, I would do anything for you. With everything I have I love you and want to make you happy and keep you safe. Your Dad and I both love you so much, and I hope you know that we wouldn't change anything about our lives, even our struggles, if it meant we couldn't have you.

Proof That Allison is in Town

DISCLAIMER: Allison does not support or condone under-age drinking, and wasn't giveing Kameryn the wine so she could taste any. She said that she merely wanted to point Kameryn in the right direction so that when she was old enough to leagally purchase wine and it would no longer stunt her growth she could enjoy a glass of wine that was above average. I personally don't think it's possible to ENJOY a glass of wine, no matter how old you are.

My Contribution

So it's been a couple of nights since I blogged, which in a way was nice, but also made me feel like a total slacker. In addition to that slacker-ness, I also haven't finished my book for March. I figure that I read two books in January, and as such that buys me an extra week to finish my book for March. It's something I made up for myself, like "Resolution Extra Credit." And it's my resolution, so I figure I can do what I want.

So tonight after reading some E-mails I'm thinking about my life and about my friends: I have one that has moved twice in two years and in that time bought two different franchises, another of my friends is pregnant with her second baby, a little boy. I also had a friend write an E-mail tonight saying her and her husband just bought a house. Such huge accomplishments, and I try to think of anything that makes me feel a little better about where I'm at, and this is what I've come up with:

This weekend, I sent a postcard to Postsecret. A good one. And so did Jay. So now my Sunday Ritual Obsession will be that much more fun to look forward to, and it will also be interesting to see if you guys can pick out my postcard, if it happens to be chosen for the website.

HAPPY 11 MONTHS, KAMI!

Five Things:

Copying Mel's blog, here are 5 things that you may or may not know about me:

1. I became an MA because I was out of work for awhile and every time I got the Sunday classified ads there were always a bunch of MA jobs open. I called Mountainwest College, one that was constantly playing commercials for MA courses, on a Thursday asking for information. They called me back to come in and tour the school which was set up on Friday, and I was enrolled and in school by Monday.

2. I love being an MA, but one of my main life goals is to write. I haven't decided what yet, be it a play or novel or a book of poetry, but I would love to have my words published in one way or another. It's a common goal in my family, and one I had almost given up on. Then the other day I was organizing all the things I want to scrapbook, and I found a little note from my Grandma Turner in among my things. It said something exceedingly simple, something like, "Wishing you every happiness, Grandma T." It was pinned to a blanket that she made us for our wedding. Looking at it I couldn't help but realize that words can go on after I'm gone. In a way, it grants us immortality. And so I have a dream of writing again.

3. I want to have four kids, and ideally I would love to have them about two years apart. I know, that would mean we would start trying for another baby around August, which I can't see happening. We haven't worked out all the kinks yet. Jay and I plan on having two boys and two girls ('cuz we can TOTALLY plan stuff like that) and we already have their names picked out. We also had already chosen Kameryn Lee, and we liked it the best, but all of the other names we've chosen are a lot more traditional.

4. I love things that are paranormal, I love watching TV shows about ghosts and the Loch Ness Monster and the Winchester Mansion, but I hate things like Tarot Cards. I've had a lot of experiences with things I can't quite explain, but I try not to convince myself I "believe in" any of it because it scares me.

5. I have a haunting, irrational fear of dying in a car accident, specifically by being side swiped. I also hate driving under overpasses because I'm always afraid they'll fall on me. When I admitted that fear to Jay he told me it was a much better idea to be afraid of driving on the overpass that was falling because then your car would plummet to the Earth below. Now I'm afraid of that, too. I'm afraid of the ocean because thinking about the size of whales makes me nervous.

I Remember When:

I remember when I was able to come home from work and curl up in bed to take a nap if it had been a long day.
I remember sleeping through the night, and sleeping in on weekends.
I distinctly remember a time that did not involve waking up in the middle of the night to make bottles.

I also remember thinking I knew what it meant to really love someone, and looking back on it now, I know I didn't have a clue.

I would give up sleep and a whole lot more to watch her smile and discover new things.

How's that for a sappy little blog?

Bedtime

Tonight was frustrating putting Kameryn to bed, she doesn't want to sleep even when she's tired because she doesn't want to miss anything. After I put her to bed tonight she stood up in her crib and SCREAMED and cried until I went back in and held her for a bit. I tried to read her stories and play with her, but anytime I tried to put her back in her crib, even if she was sitting up, she would cry until she ran out of breath, and then SCREAM.

I left her again thinking she could cry it out, but again went back in when she still wouldn't stop. I picked her up and she cuddled with me, and we went out and sat on the couch. We both leaned up against the back of the couch and cuddled together. She hugged me and kissed me an ran her hands across my hair while she tried to stay awake, until she couldn't keep her eyes open.

I put her in her crib and stroked her hair, and I almost felt like she had when I tried to put her to bed before; I almost wanted to wake her up so we could spend some more quiet time together. I hope we can stay close as she gets older.

Sunday Fun

A Change of Heart

Tonight ended up being a good night after all. It was Jay's dad's 60th birthday, and we went up tonight to make them dinner and watch a movie. I have to say, I wasn't excited about it at all. I had imagined spening Saturday night at the dollar theatre, and that plan became "hang out with the in-laws."
I think the first thing that made me change my mind was writing in the birthday card. We left it at home on accident and I had a chance to sit quietly by myself and think about Jay's dad and what I like about him. There are SO MANY things, and as I sat there and thought about it, it became really clear to me that I didn't want to miss out on his birthday.
So we went up tonight, and we ate a great meal and laughed a lot. Jay even managed to sneak upstairs at one point to call his brother and remind him of his dad's birthday, which he had totally forgotten.
I don't know for sure, but I think Jay's dad had a good night. And that made me feel really good.

Then, on the way home I saw a shooting star. I haven't seen one for years. It made me totally giddy. And I made a REALLY good wish.