My Beautiful New Girl

I'm awake while my baby is asleep. I'm breaking the golden rule of being a new mom because #1. Reagan slept through the night last night, so I've gotten plenty of sleep and #2. Because things thus far have been so perfect, it's hard not to be awake and in anticipation of what's going to happen next.
This all happened a bit differently than I was expecting. I started having contractions Wednesday morning at about 4am, but they were still the "Oh! There's a contraction, how fun! Let's wait and see when the next one is, Oh! I hope it's soon!" kinda contractions. I will never forget when I had those going into labor with Kameryn, I called my mom and told her excitedly that "We might have a baby in April after all, I'm feeling some contractions!" And she said, "It's probably not labor, then, Kjersti, because no one is excited about those contractions!" And I had Kameryn two days later, and man, my mom was right.
So after falling asleep in between contractions for the next couple hours, I prepared myself for the next couple days, thinking it would be about that long until we got to meet our little girl. At 6 I woke up to use the bathroom and saw blood. Not a ton, but enough to make me panic and head straight to the phone to call Dr. Allie. Pregnancy has made me appreciate having Dr. Hanna only a call away, no matter the time of day, so thanks for that Allison! And Allie told me I needed to go get checked out.
I called Jay at work and said what are apparently the magic words, "I'm bleeding" because he was home not 5 minutes later throwing a bag together and pushing me out the door so we could head to the hospital. At that point I was the one saying, "Jay, calm down, it's no big deal." I thought they were going to send us right back home, and I would have the reassurance that everything was fine but I still had some time to do what I had planned before the baby actually came. We drove to the hospital joking about my contractions and planning on picking up some breakfast on our way back home. Outside the hospital I had a contraction that made me stop walking, but Jay cracked a joke and I laughed the entire way through the contraction, despite it hurting. So this couldn't really be it, right?
We walked in and got taken back to a room almost right away, and the nurse came in to check me. I was dialated to a 2, but 80% effaced, so they said that they would check me again in an hour. The hour passed quickly, we watched some TV and my contractions got worse. She came back in and checked again, and I was dialated to a 2.5, so she said she would wait another hour and check again. Not wanting to be sent home, Jay and I decided to start walking around the hospital. We overheard that every labor room in the hospital, 30 total, was full, and it was about 9am. So I was hoping for the contractions, but they also were getting passed the "Oh, how fun!" stage. In fact, Jay kept having to remind me to breathe through them instead of holding my breath, and it made me mad enough that all I could manage to say was, "DON'T tell me to breathe!"
When she checked again she said what we had been waiting to hear: That we could stay. I would've been happier, but the contractions were coming just a couple minutes after each other by that point, and it was hard to focus on much of anything. The nurse offered a pain med, which I accepted, and I now I am a firm believer in the magic of Fentanyl. She said it wouldn't stop the pain, it would just take the edge off, but after she gave it to me I was telling Jay how much I loved him and how good I now felt. I love the stuff.
And then, not too much later, the anesthesiologist came in to give me my epidural. He was a good guy, and though he had a little trouble getting it in, it wasn't bad. I had been a little scared for that part, but luckily it turned out to not be a big deal, and thankfully afterwards I couldn't feel my contractions at all. And then we just had to wait.
Danae, Allison and Mom all came after noon and kept me company. I swear after that my nurse must've been convinced that all of us were crazy, especially when they made up an instant song about Patossin. Then, at 3, we were ready. The family took bets on how long it would take for Reagan to make her appearance, and Allison suited up to catch the baby and catch her cord. Three pushes later, my baby was here. I've been dreaming about that moment, the one when you've delivered the baby and you get to see her for the first time, and there's really no way to describe it when they put a perfect, beautiful little girl in your arms. And my little girl looks so much like her sister.

My mom told me that I would be amazed to see Kameryn after having Reagan because you get to realize how much they've grown up. When we went to my recovery room my in-laws were there with Kameryn, and it was just how my mom described it to see my other daughter up, walking around and talking to "Steve" on the cell phone. And I did get a huge dose of amazement about how much she's grown as while she was talking on the phone she said, "Steve, I need to borrow money, yo." I swear, I don't know where she learned that!
I was worried about Kameryn and how she would react to the baby, but she has taken it beautifully. She loves Reagan and wants to be close to her, and in the hospital when the nurses would come in to take her vitals she would tell them "Don't touch her!" until we explained that they were being nice and helping the baby. Anytime they took her out of the room to the nursery, Kameryn would mope and cry.

I'm not usually the type, but it makes me wonder if they've known each other before. In a way, it almost feels like Kameryn has been waiting for Reagan to get here.
Jay is amazing with Reagan. I love to watch them together.

So, that's the story. I know that the baby blues may still be making their appearance, and I know that I'm sure to be overwhelmed and wonder what I've gotten myself into, but even with all of that I'm so grateful for my family and excited to see us grow together.

Life With a 2 Year Old: An Actual Conversation

Jay: "Do you want to watch the doggie and the cat?" Translation: Milo and Otis.
Kameryn: "No, the doggie and cat and pig."
Jay: "Okay, do you want to watch the movie with the doggie and cat and the pig?"
Kameryn: "No, the doggie and cat and pig SLEEPING."
Jay: "Do you want to watch the movie with the doggie and the cat and the sleeping pig?"
Kameryn: "NO, the doggie and the car and the cat and the pig sleeping."
Jay, probably feeling a little like he's playing "This is the House that Jack Built": "Okay, do you want to watch the movie with the doggie and the car and the cat and the pig sleeping?"
Kameryn: "....Yes. PLEASE?"

Keeping It Simple

Lately I'm really trying to slow down and appreciate my life the way it is now, since there's a giant countdown to the day my life will change again forever, and that day isn't too far off. I'm really trying to appreciate the time I have with Kameryn, just her and me. She's getting so big and so smart and can say so much that I know it's going to be hard starting over again with a newborn. I know my sweet girl will help me all she can, though, and while I know that she's going to be jealous sometimes, I think over-all she's going to be an amazing big sister. I hope it can develop into a type of relationship like Wes and Allie have, just without the bottle stealing.

Tonight it was fun putting Kameryn in the "tubbit," which it the word she has invented for the tub, and we don't quite know why she adds the extra syllable. Tonight she was singing a song about getting into the tub, which sounded a lot like, "Tubbit! ad dah and a ma Soap! an bah and a Water! a la and a Bubbles!" I was using a rag to get her hair wet while she was playing her usual game of "Throw the Soap in the Tub and then dig through the bubbles to find it" and she got mad at me. "No hair wet, Mommy!" And then she took the cup we have in there for her, filled it to the top and dumped the water on her head. Totally shocked by what she had done to herself, she sat there panting a little bit, and then yelled, "I DID IT!" and started laughing. Her sweet little stories make me so happy. And I know that soon I'm not going to remember really well what life was like before Reagan, but when I do, I hope it's the fun stories like this I remember best, even though they're simple.

The 4th of July

Since I don't have Chelsee's mad photography skills, and because it's hard to get two babies to look hold still, let alone both look at the camera, I know my pictures aren't the best. It documents more the fact that we were there, and doesn't really show how much the kids liked the fireworks. But they did both (mostly) enjoy them, besides Isaac getting a little scared at the loud ones, and Kameryn paying more attention to the "baby flag" than the actual fireworks sometimes. Isaac liked to say "All gone!" Once the firework was over.

Being Stubborn

So, there are some facts I know about myself. One is that once I make a decision, good or bad, I tend to jump in with both feet. Only after I've given something my all do I really step back to decide if it was a good decision or not.
Another thing I know about myself is that if you approach me in the wrong way, even with good advice, my impulse is to rebel. My dad told me once I have a "Yes or No" personality, and when I have a hard time seeing the gray areas to things, and this is a time I know he's right. If you push me too hard one way, I like to go to the other extreme. It may be childish, and I totally acknowledge that, but it doesn't make it any less true.
I would like to think the beautiful part about friendships is that they're genuine. And when someone tells me that I need to be friends with this person or that person OR ELSE, it doesn't make me want to embrace the person at all. It makes me want to avoid them. And if my intentions are miscommunicated, it doesn't mean that they're not good intentions.
Maybe I should think twice before I work in an office full of girls again.

Hormones

I'm not exactly sure what it is, but lately I think I'm finally starting to grasp the fact that I'm pregnant again. A little late, right? I know it. I don't know what caused the change, exactly. It could be that I'm starting to pop out of all my clothes, or that the baby is big enough that she can make my whole belly shake when she moves, and she moves ALL THE TIME. It could be that I got my first presents for the baby. (Thanks Wes and Elisabeth!) Whatever it is, I've gone completely into nesting mode. I can't get my apartment clean fast enough, and with how dirty our apartment usually is it doesn't happen fast at all, unfortunately. I did find a couple of helpful tips, for anyone who may be interested: The product I've found that gets marker off the walls? Hand Sanitizer. Works like a charm. I've heard that hairspray gets pen off, and I'm going to try that tonight. The dorkiest part is how excited that makes me.
Being pregnant of course comes with all the hormones, and I find myself loving and hating some really simple things. For example, I watched "Knocked Up" tonight and totally cried at the end. I also cry during dances on "So You Think You Can Dance." Anyone who doesn't has no soul. On the flipside, I've started to get annoyed with some random things. Like Sleeping Beauty. Okay, I love the movie as much as anyone else. But the witch casts the spell on her that "On her 16th birthday she'll prick her finger on the spindle of a spinning wheel and die" Right? Yeah, has anyone SEEN Sleeping Beauty when she pricks her finger? Beautiful. Great body, perfect complexion. Does ANYONE actually look like that at 16? I don't think so. I sure didn't.
I also am paying much more attention to the kids songs we sing. Which in turn begs the question, who came up with Rock-A-Bye Baby? 'When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, and down will come baby, cradle and all.' Nice. So soothing, it's a wonder kids don't always go right to sleep. There's also "Ring Around the Rosies," which Kameryn's Grandma Ertmann taught her, and I still find it a little disturbing when she calls out "Ashes!" when she wants to play.
And a word to the wise, if anyone saw "Match Point" and liked it, avoid it while pregnant. I really liked it the first time around, and when I tried to watch it again I had to turn it off.
So there it is, a pregnant rant. And even if you don't get anything from the rest of the post, keep in mind the marker- hand sanitizer thing. That may come in handy.

Thoughts While Driving Home From Oregon

1. I've heard that some people know instinctively if their lives will end early. Some people just know they're not going to last long. I wonder if Jonathan Larson was one of those people. And if he was, I wonder if facing his mortality helped him to get "Rent" out of his head and onto paper. Because if it did, I would consider trying to get in touch with my own mortality a little bit better, even though it scares me. And I'm not even hoping for "Rent," per say, I think I'd be happy if I could come up with some original "La Vie Boheme."

2. There's signs all along the freeway warning cars not to pass snow plows on the right. I catch myself thinking that maybe they should take all the signs down and let natural selection take care of that problem. I bet that way we could give out some more Darwin Awards.

Weekend Plans

Talking to Jay yesterday:
Me: "I want to do something new and fun this weekend. Something we've never done before that will be soul-reviving."
Jay: "Like, playing Grand Theft Auto?"

Corrected

The family was outside while Jay was setting up his new grill, and Kameryn was entertaining herself running around jumping on leaves that were blowing in the wind and constantly asking what things were. She walked up to a wooden telephone pole and asked, "What's that?"
"Um, a pole." I answered.
"NOOO." She corrected. "It's a TREE!"
I don't know WHERE she gets the attitude OR the smart-ass-ness from. At least she's confident!

Tagged

My friend Abby tagged me to do this post, and since I'm usually horrible with actually doing these things I thought I'd give it a try.

JOYS:
1. Hearing Kameryn talk. Even though a lot of what she says is "Go Away!" and "Stop it!", it makes it worth it to wake up in the morning and hear her say, "Hi Mama!" or tell me she loves me too.
2. Getting to be with Jay when we can just sit and BE without having to be anywhere or worry about Kameryn. It's not too often we can do it in our lives right now, and when it happens it recharges my soul. Honestly.
3. Seeing sweet baby Reagan in ultrasounds. I'm awed by how perfect she is and I love when Jay can see how often she kicks and rolls. It makes me feel validated and is the closest I can come to sharing that part with him. Plus, at our last ultrasound the tech took 5 pictures, and three of them were of Reagan's face. When she realized it, she apologized and said, "Your baby is just so beautiful, I kept taking pictures of her! I couldn't help myself!

FEARS:
1. Death. My own or anyone I care about. I don't like talking about it, and if Jay brings it up, he can tell you it takes me about 3 seconds to start crying.
2. Not accomplishing my goals.
3. Being a bad mom. I don't want to let my kids down by not teaching them what they need to know.

GOALS:
1. Letting my kids know constantly how much I love them.
2. Owning a house one day. And right now that day seems very very far off.
3. Going to Scotland, and hopefully taking a tour of Europe in general, before I die.

CURRENT OBSESSIONS/COLLECTIONS:
1. Barack Obama. I love his speeches, I love hearing what he has to say, and right now I'm trying to read one of the books he's written, "The Audacity Of Hope." I feel a little bit like a poser, though, since the book is about politics and thus makes references to politicians and I have no idea who he's talking about. And in order to help get certain points across he uses sports metaphors. So I'm lost on both counts.
2. I have a blank book that I bought recently and I'm using it to write down things I hear or read that make me happy or mean something to me. I have quotes, poems, and Obama speeches written in there so far. And it has pictures of coffee on the front, which also makes me happy.
3. Facebook. That's an obsession I'm not as proud of, but an obsession nonetheless since I check it constantly. Constantly.

RANDOM SURPRISING FACTS:
1. Growing up my two best friends both wanted to be surgeons, and I was the one who wasn't at all interested because I didn't like the idea of blood or shots or pain in general. The reason I went to Medical Assisting school was because I was out of work for a little while and when I checked the job listings in the newspaper there were always a ton for Medical Assistants. Now I love my job more than anything, it suits me perfectly.
2. I don't know my right from my left. I have to look at my hands, or really concentrate to figure that one out. I have only recently learned North, South, etc., and that only works HERE, put me anywhere else and I'm totally lost. Without Jay, I don't think I'd be able to get from here to there.
3. I'd love to write something and get it published before I die. Ideally something like "To Kill a Mockingbird", but even a poem or short story would work. I'd love to leave some piece of myself behind when I go.

And now I'm supposed to tag 5 people to do this post, but since I am so bad with it myself I'm not gonna try to pass it on. If you're interested, it's kinda fun.

Look How Cool!

What Happens In Vegas...

There were a few things about Vegas I would've changed. It was HOT. Not nearly as hot as the first time we went down, but still too hot. Kami was all over the place, and as usual, she wouldn't eat anything. Well, not anything but butter and cream cheese.
But everything was worth it because I got to be there to see Allison walk across the stage. I was so proud of my sister and impressed by her accomplishments. She's a huge inspiration to me in regards to putting the time and work in to making what you dream turn into a reality. I love that she's moving home (into one of the cutest houses I've ever seen) so that I can be around her! I love you, Allison! Congratulations on kicking so much ass!

Reagan Mackenna

So, we went for another ultrasound today because Reagan was completely content to stay up under my belly button last time and as such there were parts of her anatomy, her heart specifically, that the doctor couldn't see. We went in today with a list of things they wanted to spot, and we got most of them. However, last time we couldn't get her to move, so this time we couldn't get her to hold still. And that seems to be the running theme with my girls thus far: Impossible.
I don't have a scanner to show good pictures of the ultrasound photos, but I'm excited enough about them that I've taken pictures of the pictures with my camera. Please forgive the quality and go straight to the oohing and aahing over what a perfect little girl we've got coming:
This is the baby's face. Today the doctor was checking for a cleft lip, and she said, "This baby has such beautiful lips, it's hard not to take 100 pictures of them!" Jay says she gets that from him, but come on, we all know who it really came from, right?
Here's a tiny foot.
And here's a beautiful arm and hand! Look at those bones! A mom couldn't ask for better bones!
And finally, a good strong heartbeat. Kameryn's heartbeat was something that we had to keep an eye on before she was born, so it's a relief to hear that this baby's heart is perfect so far!
Still, after taking all these pictures and also finding her femurs, kidneys, bladder and cord insertion there still were some pictures they weren't able to take since Reagan wouldn't hold still. They'd like me to go back in another month to look for the aortic arch and her brain, since they couldn't see either as well as they would've liked. As much as I would like her to cooperate, I can't say I mind getting to see her every few weeks! I'm completely excited to see her, and am starting to get impatient for her to make her arrival! And, if you're wondering, they estimate that right now she weighs about 1 pound, 6 ounces!

My Current Favorite Picture

Extreme Elmo, an Elmo easter basket (which she refused to use on Easter) and inside the basket, her baby Elmo. It gets a little redundant, but it totally worth it because of how happy it makes her.

So Smart

Yesterday Jay and Kami and me were all sitting outside enjoying the warm weather, and Kami was running around. Jay said, "Kami, are you excited for your new little sister?" And she yelled, "YEAH!" Jay asked her, "Where is your little sister?" And she ran up to me and pointed to my belly and said, "Right there!" And put her mouth up to my belly and said something I couldn't understand, then ran off again. We were both a little bit shocked because she hasn't shown us that she understands before, so Jay had her come and sit between us, and asked again, "Kameryn, where is your little sister?" "Right there." She said, and pointed to my belly again. I really can't underestimate her anymore. She knows what's going on.

An Interesting Conversation

Jay: " 'A Warm Place' makes me think that Trent Reznor could just do instrumentals for the rest of his life and still do well."
Me: "Yeah, but I'm glad that he doesn't."
Jay: "There's something about a good instrumental. Life needs more instrumentals. Sometimes life just has too many words."

More Proof

Even if you weren't sure they were related, you could just look at the hair and know.

Impatience

I had my big ultrasound appointment set up for April 22, and upon thinking about it further realized there was NO WAY I could wait that long to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. So I moved it up, and the new date is April 15 at 3:45. Yes, that is two weeks from today, and in my opinion, STILL too long to have to wait. Everyone, think "BOY!"

Love Letter, Month 23

This is my little girl that will be 2 years old in a month.Words are exploding out of her lately. It seems like every day she says something new, because she's been quiet for so long that now she wants to learn things as quickly as possible to make up for lost time. Now in addition to telling us what a horse, cow, bird, duck, cat and dog all say (which we knew she could do) she's started pointing out apples, saying "Ashes" when she wants to play Ring Around the Rosies, and calling Isaac "Baby."
A couple weeks ago Jay got me a Sprite from the gas station, and when he handed it to me in the car Kami reached her hands out for it and said, "Wah wah." We didn't know she could say that, and we didn't teach it to her consiously. And that's how it goes. She says more words everyday, and is even getting better at sentences.It's been fun getting to hear a little bit about what she thinks, and the other night, what she dreams. Kami has nightmares, and has for awhile, but the other night she was able to let us know a little bit about it. She said, "Ma," which is one of her Grandmas, I don't know which (not me because she STILL calls me Daddy.) She also said "House" and "Oh gosh! What do I do?" With her hands on both sides of her head. It was sad to see because she was so upset, but interesting to have an idea of what she dreams about. And, luckily for us, the phrase "Oh gosh" has replaced the other, less tasteful phrase she had picked up from me before. Kami loves to color and frequently fills up any paper she can find with spirals that she draws. I wouldn't be surprised if she goes on to be quite a little artist like her aunts and uncles and Grandma. I know she didn't get the drawing gene from me!Easter is a blast every year, because the way my mom sets it up is something you can't grow out of. This year the Grandkids got candy in the playroom that they got to collect on their own, and Kami got it this year. She filled up her basket with that candy, and then when the race started for the rest of us, Kami followed behind, still holding her basket and grabbed all the big candy bars out of the dining room. After that she followed me into the front room and helped me grab candy and put it in my basket. We didn't plan it, but it couldn't have worked any better even if we had.There was a day when I went to a scrapbook expo with Jay and Danae and the babies, and while we were driving it started to snow. I was wearing thin little ankle socks which got really wet, and by the time we got back to my mom's house I took off my socks and shoes hoping I would warm up faster. I don't remember saying anything to my mom about how cold I was, but while I was lying on her bed she came and put some thick, warm socks on me. It was a little gesture, but I was so grateful for it because I was so cold, and ever since then it's been an example to me of the kind of mom I want to be for you.
I really hope that I can raise you right and you can grow into a beautiful girl that knows how important and priceless you are. I hope that I can help you when you need me, and sometimes anticipate what you might need even if you can't tell me. I'm so proud of you, and I can't wait to watch as you learn more. I know you're going to be a great big sister, and you enrich my life in a way that I doubt I could ever explain, but am so grateful for. I love you, big girl.

First Looks

Since my Internet is FINALLY back up, I wanted to share some of the most important things that have happened to me lately. First of all, I went and had my first ultrasound on Feb. 5 and we got this first picture of our good-lookin' baby:
It's not the greatest picture in the first place and I know this is blurry, but the head is the circle that's the farthest left, and it's in a profile, and then the rest of his body goes to the right. (We don't actually know if it's a boy or a girl, it's too early for that, but we're hoping for a boy so we always say "he" when talking about our new baby.) She thought I was about 10 weeks 2 days at my appointment, which puts me at exactly 13 weeks today. We got to hear his heartbeat, which was good and strong, and when we saw him up on the monitor he was moving all around, kicking his arms and his legs! Even now, it's still surreal that we're gonna have a new addition to our family before long. My due date is Sept. 5.
I was really nervous at first about how Kameryn is going to react. She loves to be the center of attention. Something that's a huge comfort to me is how much she loves being around Isaac and how much fun they have together. Another thing that I've noticed lately is how nurturing she is with her toys. She got an Extreme Elmo for Christmas and now he and Mr. Quackers come with us everywhere we go. She loves when Elmo is in a high chair right next to hers, and when she watches Blue's Clues she always has them both close by and makes sure they're adequately covered with blankets.
So it's getting really exciting. I know it's also going to be really challenging, but I'm excited for our little family to grow.