Love Letter, A Day Late - Month 7

The day I found out I was pregnant was the scariest, most surreal day of my life. Well, up until that point. And it was happy and fun, too, after I told Jay, but that didn't come until later. I found out right before I had to go to work, or my externship, rather, and I cried the entire way there, wondering how I was ever going to 1. Tell my mom and 2. Take care of a baby. And the fears actually went IN THAT ORDER. Not because my mom is a scary person, I knew she would support me. But I also knew she would wonder how I could take care of a baby seeing as me and Jay were living in her basement. With the goal of paying our bills off.
Through my pregnancy I fell in love with the idea of being pregnant, but still couldn't imagine how a baby would affect me and my marriage. I looked forward to it, but still kinda dreaded it at the same time.
Now, I don't know how I ever lived without my sweet Kameryn. She's the one person that can make me smile NO MATTER WHAT, and it breaks my heart every time I walk in the door and I see the grin. You guys know the grin. The "you're the only person in the world I care about" grin. I've been getting the grin for awhile now, but in the last month or so she's added the kisses (which get kinda violent and VERY wet, depending on how long I've been away) and now I even get the reach. The "Come over here and pick me up so I can saturate your cheeks and nose with my slobber" reach. It makes coming home an awesome experience, no matter how my day has gone, how the traffic was on the way home or how messy my apartment is. Kameryn is the ultimate lover. You almost can't help but get swept away by her.
In the last month she has almost mastered sleeping in her crib by herself. She usually still cries when I first turn off her light, but the more it's becoming routine, the better she handles it. Sometimes (rare, blessed times) she even has a hard time keeping herself awake to listen to her bedtime stories. There have even been a few times when I lay her down and she seems relieved, like I have FINALLY brought her to her crib, she can FINALLY sleep now. The whole process is amazing to me because it was something I didn't think we could do; her OR me, and now we're doing it and I think we're both so much happier. And that's another thing I've learned about Kameryn: I shouldn't underestimate her, because she exceeds my expectations time and time again. She's smart and she learns things quickly. Which means I need to get to baby-proofing my house SOON. Because I know before long she's going to be ZOOMING around here.
This month has been the month for "Mama's" and "Dada's." We got her saying "Dada," and then tried to also get her to say "Mama." When she's learning to say something new she starts by watching your mouth while you say it, and she studies it SO closely. Jay and I kept saying "Mama" slowly so she could see how to move her mouth, and she succeeded in humming an "M" sound, which we praised her for, thinking it was good work for the day, a ton of progress.
Then we got in the car, and she was in the backseat by herself, and she started babbling to herself. And then we heard her start humming the "M" sound again. We both looked at each other and just listened. She worked on it harder and harder, and got herself a little closer, then would start saying "Nana" again, which she's known for awhile now. Then she'd switch back again, and by the end of the car ride she was saying "Mama." She had rememebered and taught herself.
I was completely amazed by it, and I think she should win something for it. I'm not kidding.
I'm also continuously impressed by how much she understands. I'll say, "Kameryn, give me a kiss." And she will. It amazes me that she can understand at least some of what I'm saying, especially when she's also learning so much else at the same time, like rolling over each way and reaching for things. She's also mastered sitting up to the point that she can sit by herself in a shopping cart or a highchair.
One thing I think we're going to see a lot more of as she gets older is her love for dancing. I think we've all seen her dissolve into laughter when we're dancing with her, but I think it's more than just the attention or even funny dancing. She loves the beat. She likes listening to music, and she gets a really sweet smile when she hears music that she likes. I think as soon as she's old enough I'm going to put her into Allison's Amanda's gymnastics class. Hopefully she'll still be doing it by then. I think it's something Kameryn will really have a passion for.
I made up a song, a really simple song about her mommy and daddy loving her, and I've been singing it to her since she was about 7 weeks old. Recently when I get to the part about her Daddy loving her, Jay will sing the last line himself, which is "Yes I do." I sang it to her this morning and when it came to that part, she started looking around for her dad, wondering where he was and why he was slacking on his lines. Even that is amazing to me. And I love to see her smile when I start the song. I can hardly get through it without her covering me in kisses. It's been fun to have her show me that the feeling is mutual.
I could brag about her all night long. I could talk about a million things about her that I find amazing. I think what touches me the most is how she can light up a room and make people happy. She does it to my family, but I've seen her do it to strangers in a store, too. Something about her smile and her enthusiasm. It's something I never want her to lose. I always want her to maintain her self confidence because people respond to it. I respond to it. And it makes the world more beautiful.
I love you beautiful girl. So much more than I can even put into words or tell in stories.