Can You Hear Me Now?

(See previous mini-blog!)

Alright, I don't know what happened with that but it's letting me type now. What a load and a waste of time! I hope this New Blogger is good because that really pissed me off. Which is kindof the opposite feel of the earxax story, but I'll tell it anyway to help me calm down.

Today on our second to last patient we had a woman come in for "Hearing Loss." I had a total "You're Gonna Die Pam!" moment with it because while I was checking her in I actually thought to myself: "I hope she really is losing her hearing and doesn't just have earwax build-up because I don't want to have to clean her ears out." After I thought it I was so embarrassed with myself. What kind of person thinks that way?!

The doctor went in to see her and then walked out and said, "She needs her ears cleaned."
".....Ear Lavage." I'm sure he specified it because me and my co-worker were both sitting there, and when he told us, neither of us moved. It's almost the MA form of chicken. The first one to stand up has to do the procedure, so you see who will cave in and stand up first, and I'm ashamed to tell you that the doctor had gone into another room before either of us caved. My co-worker's phone rang and she answered it, and I decided I wasn't going to wait for her to get off, risking the doctor coming out of the room and seeing us both just sitting there, so I went to go set up for it.

People have to deal with worse things everyday in their jobs, probably, but ear lavages are not my favorite thing. It's not because they're gross, it's because I'm not very good at them, and there's only so long you can shoot water into someone's ear with no results before you want to start pulling your hair out.

The sad thing about them is that we don't like doing them, and the patient is so embarassed most times to have to get them done. It's really not fun for anyone, except the doctor who just tells us about it and then can move on.

So I set up and go into the patients room and she's so embarassed about it and I'm trying to reassure her that it happens and we'll get it taken care of. She's so nice that I'm hating my "hoping for actual hearing loss" thought more and more by the second. I get the syrringe ready, I shot a bit of it into her ear to make sure it's not too hot, and then I'm off. Time to clean some ears.

I fill up the syrringe and shoot it into her ear once and see bits of the clog breaking off in the water. It's a good sign. Then I fill the syrringe again and shoot water into her ear, and notice a big piece that's fallen into the emessis basin, and I'm pretty impressed with myself when the patient exclaims, "I can hear!!!" I look up and the rest of the brown earwax ball is still sitting in the bottom of her ear. It was a big chunk, too! No wonder she couldn't hear!

Two shots and I was done! I felt like the earwax queen! I think I strutted out of the room.

So let the earwax story be a reminder to you that sometimes it's better to get in there and do what you're afraid of/dreading/grossed out by because when you're successful, it won't be as bad the next time you're called upon.

The end.

Lame

you have got to be kidding me. blogger made me switch to new blogger and now an error comes up after every letter i type. this better be fixed soon because i didn't want to switch in the first place. i guess that is all for now, so i will have to tell my earwax story later.

Blame the Radio

So do I blog because my life is interesting, or is my life intersting because I blog?

My honest answer is my life is more interesting because I blog, and it's for a very simple reason: During the day I'm actually thinking about what I should blog about after I get home from work, and because of that I try to notice little things that I could blog about. It's something that is constantly going through my head.

A confession: I made the resolution to get my moles checked out because it would give me something to write about. So in a way, blogging saved my life. Yeah, that's a stretch. But now instead of two a-typical moles on my back, I have two scars which I don't think I would've thought about without my blog.

And here is my informational part of the blog, it's actually some facts about sex I heard on the radio this afternoon. Due to some adult content, you may want your children to step away from the computer. And that means you, Geoff.

1. The shortest fully engorged penis recorded is 1 3/4 inches.
2. It takes the average couple 38 minutes from the beginning of foreplay until climax.
3. The most common fantasy for both men and women is oral sex.
4. 64% of adults think it's okay to have affairs once in a while.
5. Since 1603 there have been 83 recorded cases of men being born with two penises.
6. 23% of adults say they were virgins when they got married.

I hope I'm not offending people, I thought those were interesting statistics. Some of them make me wonder WHO these people were surveying!

Book #3 For the Year

I finished my book this morning. Kameryn decided to get up at the ungodly time of 8:30 in the morning, and all of us went and sat on the couch in the living room. I read my book, and Jay and Kameryn watched some show with a sloth and a frog and an anteater that explained to them why echoes are nothing to be afraid of. And that no, you didn't accidently swallow a drum, that's just your heart beating. I can understand that Kameryn got sucked in from time to time because of all the colors and the music, but you should have seen Jay. ENGROSSED.

Anyway, the book was really good, I really enjoyed it. I spent mornings after I had read it re-telling Jay everything I had read. I highly recommend it, and if anyone wants to read it just let me know. Or if you're interested and want to get it from the Library or buy it, it's called "The Tipping Point, How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference" by Malcolm Gladwell.

So, that's another goal that I've still kept since the New Year, which brings my grand total of "Resolutions I've Kept Since The Year Began" to a hefty 2. It's better than nothing.

Interesting

It's funny because there are some nights that I sit in front of the computer and just stare at it. Sometimes I'll read a bunch of other blogs and a bunch of other websites in order to get ideas about what I should blog about. There are nights when I stay up an extra hour trying to come up with something, other nights when I get out of bed in the middle of the night to make sure I won't miss a day of blogging. When I think about not blogging I know it won't hurt anything and that people probably won't care too much, but I can't seem to allow myself to skip even a day.
Now if only I had that kind of motivation about something that mattered more, like exercising or scrapbooking or cleaning the apartment. I guess in a way it's nice to know how dedicated I can be to my goals. Now I just need to work on the prioritizing.

Two of Five, and Today's Other Events

Today Jay, Chelsee, Kameryn and I all went to see "The Queen," the second movie I've seen of the five nominated for Best Picture. And first of all, I have to say that Kameryn is banned from coming to any more movies with us. She wasn't bad, per say, she didn't CRY, she just wanted to talk and scream through the movie, so Jay missed the first parts of it outside with her, and I watched the end of the movie down near the exit.

From what I saw, I really liked it. I told mom today, though, that I don't like recommending movies on my blog because I think I don't do the movies justice. But I thought this was a good movie, really well acted, and I thought it was interesting that even though it doesn't seem like it at first, it actually tells the movie from both points of view, both the people's and the monarchies. I really liked it, and I think Helen Mirren will deserve it if she gets an Oscar for best actress.

After we saw the movie Chelsee wanted to go take pictures at Trolley Square for a photography assignment, so we went downtown. I was actually surprised by how many bouquets of flowers there were outside, along with notes and candles and even a shirt and a dreamcatcher. After she took some pictures outside, Jay wanted to go in. I know it's probably a little rediculous, but I was scared. I know I was probably as safe there as I am anywhere, but I still felt uneasy. I think the thing that may have bothered me the most inside was how normal it felt, besides flowers and notes left in different places, and Pottery Barn Kids was boarded up completely since we've found out that it was where the gunman was shot down. It was weird to know that something so terrible had happened in that place that I had been so many times before.

I think the worst of it was when we got to the gift shop where 5 people were shot. The glass was still boarded up, the store was closed, but inside were notes and flowers and things from the families to the people who had died inside. I couldn't help crying when I read them. It felt almost wrong to be there, insensitive in a way, like driving by a car accident you know is serious craning your neck to get a better look instead of respecting it.

Afterward we drove to a place we had seen while driving to Trolley Square. It caught our eye because of all the Catholic "Saint" candles, and Jay remembered hearing about it a few years ago; there were steps up so you could get a good look, and people claimed to have seen an image of the Virgin Mary in the tree. So we stopped and looked, but none of us saw anything but a tree trunk, and even the picture of what it had been before didn't serve as too much help since it had been there so long and there were water-droplets inside the frame.

It was a good day today, warm and beautiful. It was nice to get out of the house. I hope it stays as warm as it's been.

Jay's Play on Words

We walked out of the post office (yeah for doing taxes and getting a refund!) and the sun was shining really brightly. I told Jay "not to blind the baby," which is something that I say to him all the time, and we pulled the cover down over her eyes. Jay says,
"Yep, don't blind the baby. It's a non-blinding resolution."

Pretty smooth, huh?

What's a couple of years, anyway?

I don't know what it was exactly, but two nights ago I decided I was going to get over my fear and embarassment and make a call that is 2+ years overdue.

And then I quickly decided that, "No, I won't make this call, but I'll talk Jay into making it because I am motivated, but completely humiliated."

But, in my defense, Jay made the call and had to leave a message. When she called back tonight, I was the one who answered the phone and handled the situation. It sounded something like this:

Me, patheticly: "My name is Kjersti, you made our wedding video in 2004."
To which she responded in her completely sweet and chipper way, "Yeah, it's done!"
Which is something I kinda figured, I didn't think it took 2 years to make a wedding video, just two years for slackers such as Jay and I to contact her and finish paying for it so we can see it. FOR THE FIRST TIME.

So she's actually coming over tomorrow to pick up some pictures so she can finish the cover and get it to us, and I'm totally embarassed. In fact, anytime I watch Court TV and people sue stores for throwing their stuff away after leaving it for months and months, and the judge ALWAYS rules with the stores because the stuff has been abandoned, I slide down on my couch a little bit and try to hide. Luckilly, our videographer was patient. REALLY patient. Yes, rediculously patient.

And despite the embarassment for such obvious reasons, I can't tell you how excited I am to see it. I think it might actually be more fun to watch it now than it would've been to watch it right afterwards because of all the details we've probably forgotten in a day that took 10 months to plan and then was over so quickly.

Book One of February

I started a book tonight that I absolutely love. It's called "The Tipping Point, How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference." My friend Abby recommended it to me, and after Kameryn and Jay both went to bed early tonight I sat down with it and a Dr. Pepper to get my book-reading in for February.

I'm the kind of person who took a psychology class at Wever State and would read ahead in the book because I loved the content and all of the studies they had done, and this book is a lot like that, filled with scientific studies on how and why epidemics start. The thing I might love most about it, though, is that to prove their points they reference things like "The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon" and Sesame Street. I sat down with it tonight thinking I'd read the introduction, blog, and get in bed early. In reality, I couldn't make myself stop reading and when I FINALLY put the book down, I realized I'm halfway through.

So thank you for the recommendation, Abs. It was spot on. And thanks for getting it for me for Christmas, Mom! You're the best! And for anyone who wants to borrow it after I'm done, I think I'll be done by Monday. And I love that I'm being serious about that.

I think this book is good in the same way the movie "Thank You For Smoking" is good in that it has a really good point that makes you think, but is also completely entertaining the whole way through. And if you haven't seen "Thank You For Smoking," call me and we can fix that, too.

The Day of Love

What better way to celebrate Valentines Day than listing all of the celebrity couples that Jay and I have outlasted? THERE IS NO BETTER WAY!!!

1.Britney Spears and Jason Alexander
2. Britney Spears and K-Fed (I think we get double points for that.)
3. Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
4. Eminem and Kim (the second time around.)
5. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock

And, yeah, that's it because I don't have the gusto to start looking them up on the Internet. I'm both pleased with thinking of at least 5 and also a little bit disgusted that these facts are actually lodged in my brain. My dad would be so ashamed!

Anyway, Happy Valentines Day everyone!

Trolley Square

I've always been really emotional. Even before I had Kameryn. I remember a co-worker at Einsteins making fun of how quickly I sympathized with people and was upset by sad circumstances, even when they had nothing to do with me.
The shooting at Trolley Square is really upsetting to me, which suprises me a bit because I try to not let things I see on the news get to me. I'm so sick of the news, by the way. I know "If it bleeds, it leads," but can we get a break? I don't need to hear about every child abuse case and fatal car accident and house fire and accidental death. And just so you know, an American Idol recap IS NOT NEWS.
But anyway, back to the Trolley Square topic: I think the worst part may be the son who lost his dad and the mom who lost her daughter. I won't let myself imagine myself in their places, that's too heartbreaking to even think about. Possibly bothers me the most about it is the pure randomness of the whole thing; if someone had gotten caught in traffic, or decided on Rumbi's instead of The Old Spaghetti Factory, things might be different.

When Kameryn was born I would sit and hold her and stare at her, and as much as I instantly loved her I also couldn't help but think that "This was a person who would out-live me. Here, in my arms." I think I was trying to come to terms with the huge responsibilty in front of me: My WHOLE LIFE. But it also weirded me out in a way and reminded me of my mortality.
As I've thought more about it I have completely lost the fear in thinking that Kameryn will out-live me. In fact, the only thing that I'm afraid of now is that she won't. I want her to bury me, and I refuse to think about it the other way around.

So it's hard for me to think about the mom who lost her 15 year old, not knowing that a trip to the mall would be the last time they would ever spend together, and that everything that was unsaid would remain unsaid forever because they were in the wrong place during a horrific time when an 18 year old would have the adacity to change their lives forever in the worst possible way.

I think I've said it, but if anything were to happen to me I wouldn't want this left unsaid: I love my family more than anything. I delight in being around you and I love to learn from you guys. Even the lame things that we've been through don't seem as bad because you're around. I really admire so many things about all of you, and I'm happy with the way we were raised and how we all turned out.
I think my mom and dad are the best and I appreciate what you've done for us and how you treated us growing up. I have so many fun memories of singing in the car during road trips and eating dinner all together and Sunday mornings on the bed. Honestly, the one thing (right now) that even makes me consider having more kids is I don't want Kameryn to miss out on all the fun I had growing up with my brothers and sisters. It was hard sometimes, but we got a loyalty to each other out of it that makes it all worth it.
I love my husband. I wonder sometimes about some of the choices we made (read: DEBT) and I don't think we fully understood everything we were getting into when we got married and then got pregnant, but I really wouldn't have it any other way. Despite all the work and worry and sometimes just getting by, I love you and I think we'll be the type that stays together until we're old and gray and finishing each other's sentences.
I love my daughter in an almost consuming way. I never would want her to doubt how much I love her and how I would do anything for her. I get excited to be around her, I can't wait to play with her after she wakes up or after I get home from work. I love to see how big she's growing and I think she has the most incredible, loving personality.

In a way I apoligise if this entry is completely depressing or redundant. It's been therapeutic for me to write it out and get the thoughts onto the screen and out of my head.

As lame as it might sound, my heart goes out to the people who are suffering because of the shooting. I hope you have faith in something that can help get you through, or people who are close to you that you can lean on until you heal. It's hard to accept that people can be so heartless to each other, and the only comfort I can take in the situation is that times like this show us how awful we can be to each other, but also the people who will selflessly protect each other. If possible, focus on that.

I fell for it again. I got in bed next to Jay and was talking to him and we both fell asleep. It's a trap, I swear. Anyway, more tomorrow.

First of Five

Every year Chelsee and I plan to watch all of the nominations for Best Picture. So far, I've seen one. And honestly I think I may have seen the best one first.
I thought Little Miss Sunshine was really funny and touching and entertaining. I watched it with my mom and Danae this weekend, and I think they liked it, but the first time I watched it was with Geoffrey and Chelsee, and we all seemed to get so into it that I don't think any of us wanted it to end.
The family in it is so quirky that you really can't like any of them completely, and I think it's that fact that made me like them so much, because they have a certain real-ness to them. The filming in it is beautiful, and I think despite some parts that make you embarassed for the family, it's overall a halarious movie.
I think that main part I like about it is the same thing I like about my family; everyone is so different and focused on different things and their lives are all taking them in different directions, but when it comes down to it they enjoy being together and know how to have a good time. They look out for each other and want to protect each other.

Stairway to Heaven

This will be yet another post that I brag about my daughter, and I'm not ashamed.

We went over to Danae and Gary's house tonight to hang out with them, and they had left to go grab some pizza leaving us with both babies. Kameryn was SO TIRED all night but anytime we got her to hold still and drink her bottle her eyelids would slowly close and then she'd sit straight up and push the bottle away.

Well, instead of sleeping she was whining, because that's obviously the better choice. She wouldn't stop for any distraction I put in front of her, and I was starting to get really frustrated when I had an idea, or more of an epiphany:

Teach her to crawl up the stairs.

I had read in my "Your Babies First Year" book that it's a good idea to teach your kids to go up and down stairs at this age, but our apartment doesn't give us the opportunity, and mom's house seems like a harsh teacher. So Danae's house was the answer.

I took her over and was showing her how to do it, helping her do it with me moving her arms and legs, and then showing her how I could do it. It didn't take long at all and she was standing, then moving one knee up, than the other knee, and then standing on the second step! She TOTALLY GOT IT! My baby is a genius!

The last step was putting Mr. Quackers (her favorite stuffed duck) up about 4 stairs and she would climb them in a hurry to go get her friend. Jay and I were so proud of her! Our smartest girl!

Next in line: potty training!

My Little Buddy

Isaac is one in only a handful of people who can keep me awake when I'm normally asleep, talking in high voices and making faces just to make him smile. Honestly, his smile is contagious.
I know I'm a couple days late, but happy 4 month birthday, buddy. It seems like you've been making us smile for a lot longer than that, and at the same time I can't believe how fast it's going by! But you're getting more fun every day. We love you, Little Buddy!

More Of A Blurb

Yesterday when I came home from work I walked in my apartment and could hear Kameryn squealing from the kitchen. I walked so that she could see me in the doorway, and she looked at me, reached out for me, and with a huge smile said, "MAMA!" Just the once. Like she got it. It made my entire night. Until the whole hand-burning thing, of course.

Then tonight I got my old cellphone out for her to play with, and I would make it ring and then "answer it." I'd say, "Oh, you want to talk to Kameryn?" And I'd put it up to her ear, and everytime she'd laugh and then go, "DADA!"

Guilt Filled Story #1... Let's Hope, For My Sanity, These Are Few and Far Between

I am an overprotective mom. There, I've said it. However, I think there's some reason to my over-protectiveness, and the reasons are usually things like I don't want to see Kameryn tumble head first off the bed or couch or anything that is off the ground. The "over" part of the overprotectiveness is that I react when Kameryn still has a good foot before she's near the edge of the couch. It's mostly when I see it out of the corner of my eye and don't have the depth perception about how close she really is, but I'm still really jumpy. It makes me a little bit nuts sometimes.

I remember when I decided to stop breastfeeding when Kameryn was two months old I would tell people that I felt guilty about it, and I had someone say, "Don't worry about it. There will be times when things happen to your kids that you SHOULD blame yourself for, but this isn't something to dwell on."

Just the other day I was thinking about how nothing like that had happened yet. Kameryn has gotten little bumps and scratches, but nothing I felt really guilty about.

And then tonight.

Jay has just taken Shepard's Pie out of the oven, dished some up and I'm just waiting to eat it. I've got Kameryn on my lap, and I swear it happened so fast at first, she grabbed a big handful of steaming hot food, burying her hand in it.

It takes a minute, and then she starts to scream. And you would think, I would think that I would know how to react. You know, medical assistant, I'm supposed to keep my cool. Nope. She starts screaming, and so do I. "JAY! HELP ME!" Because for some reason I'm staring at her little hand and have no idea what to do next.

So he grabs a nearby blanket and gets all the food off her hand as quick as he can, and by that time I'm rushing her to the kitchen to run cold water over her hand.

She screamed for awhile. With Kameryn, when she gets hurt she has this angry-yet-pathetic scream when she gets shots or hurt in any way, and it almost sounds like, "All I've ever done is love you and kiss you! Why have you let this happen?!" It's kinda heartbreaking. Thankfully, though, after we ran cold water on it she was back to playing. It seemed a little red, but didn't blister, so I think she'll be okay.

However, the aforementioned overprotectiveness has gone THROUGH THE ROOF. The fact that she is now crawling around doesn't help at all, and I think I may need some Xanax.

My Official Apology

I, Kjersti, apologise to my little sister, Chelsee, for all the times that I made fun of her for watching "Alias." I thought it was a lame show and that she was wasting her time, and now that she's got me started watching it I can hardly wait to find out what Sydney and her daddy are going to do next. So yes, in front of my family and friends and the entire Internet (because we all know I have a HUGE internet following who read my blog DAILY) I want to say that I was wrong. Alias is a good show AND addicting. I'm sorry for doubting you, Chelsee.
-Kjersti

P.S. I still don't apologise for Xena. Or Smallville.

Can you Do It?

Jay and I were walking out of Smith's a couple weeks ago and Celine Dion's "My Heart Will Go On" came on the speakers. I commented to him that even though Titanic was made, what, almost 10 years ago, they overplayed that song SO MUCH at the time that even now when I hear it, I cringe.

To which Jay replied, "Well, it's the only song Celine Dion is known for."

And I scoffed, "No, Celine Dion has like, 7 CDs. I could list 10 of her songs right now."

Not to be outdone, Jay said, "Alright, do it."

I have to admit, since I haven't listened to a Celine Dion CD in, well, a LONG time, I only got 7.

Can you do it? No cheating.

Fateful Signs of Destiny

I don't know if I'm the kind of person who believes in signs. Or fate, or destiny. Even though I'm a little romanced by the idea, I don't think it's fair for the people who have to live through tragedies.

But if I did believe in signs, I would be pretty convinced that "fate" is trying to give me a hard slap in the face.

I said at the beginning of the year that I wanted 2007 to be a year of change, and it seemed to come up in work when my manager came to me and asked if I wanted to start being a full-time employee. I got excited about the idea and talked to Jay, who also really supported it. My manager had told me how much they would give me an hour with a hefty raise, and Jay and I were both excited and anxious to have me work full time. He was going to quit his job and get a part time job so he could still watch the babies, and we were going to try to get him into school.

Well, I went on Friday and told my manager I would do it, and she came back at me with, "Um, that's not going to work after all."

At that point, the idea was planted, and Jay and I were both very disappointed when it didn't work out.

So I told Jay I thought maybe I should look for a full time job somewhere closer, and maybe we should get a paper on Sunday so I could see what was available.

Well, this morning when Jay was taking the garbage out, he saw that someone had thrown a Sunday paper onto our porch. Probably by accident. But we brought it inside.

Then we went and spent our Sunday with family, playing some games and watching the Superbowl. When we got home the paper was still sitting here, and Jay opened it while he made himself a snack. He was reading off job opportunites and there are a lot of them, full time, some of them say there's benefits. I'm still scared to make a big change like this, but I want to get my resume updated tomorrow to see what happens. I don't think I would be saying that if things hadn't worked out exactly the way they have, but they did.

So wish me luck!

Another Cheating Post

When I decided to blog everyday I should have been more aware of Saturday nights since I hardly have much to write about, and coming up with something is hard when Jay is home and in bed. So tonight, I'll cheat and post a family picture, and I'll try and be better tomorrow.
I'm having a Superbowl party tomorrow with Gary and Danae and the babies, but it's too bad. I love football, I've loved watching it since high school, and I get really into the games. Too bad I don't have a team to root for.

New Hair

I used mom's Christmas gift certificate to go and get my hair cut and colored yesterday. Megan, as always, did a great job and I really love the colors since I told her I wanted blonde and red streaks but wasn't really sure how that would turn out.
This second picture of me is dark, but it was the only one I liked since I had a really dorky smile in all the rest of them. Plus you get to see the great flower wallpaper in the bathroom, and that's always a good thing! Hooray for new hair!

Atypical

On Monday I had a couple of my moles biopsied. I was really nervous about it. I see these procedures all the time I knew exactly what was going to happen, but I still was nervous about getting the Lidocaine. I'm not really afraid of needles, but I've seen people's reactions when they're having the injection, and it made me worry.

I shouldn't have. It stung a little, but only for a second.

My doctor is really great and he was joking with us (I had Jay come with me for Lidocaine moral support.) the entire time, and once he was done I was really relieved to have it all over and done.

Or so I thought.

The pathology came back on them, or rather, my co-workers called and had it sent to us because they were sick of watching me pacing the halls. And at first I was excited by what I saw: Melanocytic Nevus, Compound Type. I don't know what that means except for that "Nevus" means "mole." But then I read on: "With mild to moderate atypia, see note." And the note we see says, "If this is a biopsy of a larger, clinically concerning legion, a conservative but complete reexcision would be prudent."

I like when it says "conservative but complete." Read, "You don't have to strip her of her skin as a whole, but make sure you get the entire mole." Thanks for that, guys.

So I get to go in again and have them taken off completely. If I was scared for the biopsy, this one has me holding my breath. They just cut an elliptical cut around the mole and then sew it shut again, but there's this point when they've taken the mole and layer of skin off and you're looking at the hole left behind. It's a little intimidating. And lucky me, I get two of them.

I'm glad I decided to just go ahead and get them checked. The way my doctor explained it, there's mild atypia, then moderate, then extreme, and then cancer. So I wasn't there yet, and not even on a clear cut road since atypia doesn't always lead to cancer, but this way they'll be gone and I won't have to worry about watching them.

And now you know more about the moles on my body than you care to. But hey, the good news is now I'll have a better shot at the Dr. Pepper overdose death I always dreamed of.

Love Letter, Month 9

It's crazy for me to think that Kameryn has now been in the world with us longer than I was pregnant with her. While I was pregnant the time seemed to drag on and on. Since Kameryn was born time seems to fly by, and there's never quite enough time. In the beginning there was never enough time for sleep, and then not enough maternity leave, and now it seems like there isn't enough time between getting home from work and when Kameryn goes to bed. I love playing with her and I love following her lead of keeping things simple and delighting in finding new things to look at and explore.

Kameryn had her 9 month check up yesterday, and she's at a healthy 19 lbs 6 oz and 29 inches long! The doctor looked her over and said that she looks perfect, which I agreed with completely. He asked if she's doing things like waving and playing patty-cake, and when he turned back to the computer to write in the chart she waved at him, and stopped abruptly when he looked at her again. She did it several times, and he never got to see.

The big news for the last month is that Kameryn is pulling herself up to a standing position, she's doing it in her crib and in her Pack n' Play. I think the best part is how proud she gets of herself after she does it.

We're trying to be better at feeding her consistantly. One thing that has me a little surprised is what a picky eater she seems to be! Jay and I will happilly eat about anything put in front of us, but it's taking a little bit longer with Kameryn since we're giving her such crazy foods as peas and green beans and applesauce. The doctor told us yestreday that we can actually start feeding Kameryn eggs and meats at this point, and "most all table food, except dairy." I don't think we're to that point yet. We'll try and master the Hawaiian Delight, and then we'll move onto hamburger.

I knew that the doctor was going to tell us that it's time to start weaning Kameryn from a bottle to a sippy cup, so I gave Kameryn one filled with juice to see how she did with it. She absolutely loved it. She loved the handles and loved sucking on the little spout, but everytime she got any of the juice out of it she looked at it like it had wronged her and immeadiatly spit all the juice onto her bib. Then, with that issue out of the way, she would start playing with it again.

I've been impressed with how tough Kameryn is. She'll bump her head or fall back onto her knees when she's trying to stand up, but she doesn't seem to let it bother or deter her. I even brought home the second dose of her flu shot and gave it to her myself, and she didn't make a peep. She's so strong and healthy, and that's something that I'm so grateful for.

This is Kameryn waving to herself in the mirror. She loves watching herself and she will stare if she sees another baby anywhere we go. She really loves Cousin Isaac. When Danae was over here the other day we were having her kiss him, and she would laugh when she got close to his head. She loves to kiss him and squeals when she gets to touch him. I'm excited for them to grow up together because I think they'll be best friends.

And, as strongly as ever, I love to watch Kameryn with her Dad. She loves him so much. We've seen her on the ground crawling around, and when she sees her dad she'll crawl to him as quickly as she can and climb up his legs until he'll hold her. Sometimes when she's just with me in the mornings she'll be fidgety and restless, and then once her dad comes home and holds her, she'll fall right to sleep, like that was exactly what she was waiting for. Don't tell anyone, but he's a total sucker for her, too.

I know the ends of these letters might get redundant because I always end with telling Kameryn how much I love her and how proud I am of her. The problem is, I simply can't help it. As she gets older I just love her more and more, which doesn't seem possible because I didn't know it was possible to love someone so completely and then have that love constantly growing.

It's been a year and a half since I found out I was pregnant and my life changed forever. Kameryn, I want you to know that I know every day how lucky I am to have you in my life. Already, at 9 months old, you're one of my very favorite people, and I'm inspired by you and everything that you've already taught me. I love you so much.

Love,

Your Mom

Playing With Snowmen

Even though I have quite a bit I could write about tonight, my neck and head are killing me and I want to go to bed. So, tonight I'm going to cheat and just post a picture of the baby.
I didn't take this picture, and when I saw it I laughed out loud. There's something in her expression that cracks me up.

The Tube

I have a calender up in my room and at the end of the day I write what I did that day. I'm actually not exactly sure why, because I hardly ever go back to check, unless I'm looking up a "Kameryn First" or something, but I do it anyway. I'm sad to admit that lately all I write is what Jay and I had for dinner, and then what we watched on TV afterward, be it TV or a movie.
It didn't take me long to notice the trend, but I also didn't really stop it, and now I have three weeks of little blocks that say things like, "Spaghetti, American Idol" or "Quizno's, the 40 Year Old Virgin."
I don't think I want to be on my deathbed looking back at my life being able to site who got kicked off of "America's Next Top Model" week by week.
Jay was talking about "Lent" the other day, brainstorming about what he would give up if it were a tradition he practiced, and I started thinking about it myself. The answer was really obvious, that I should give up watching TV, sitting and doing other things while listening to the TV, or worst of all, having the TV on when I'm in another room and constantly walking back in to see what I've missed on TV.
I'm not yet at a point where I want to say that I will go without TV for a said amount of time, but I'm getting more and more motivated to try and cut back. Mostly because when I think about it I think, "There's no way I could do it." And then I think about everything I could be doing in the time it takes to watch Deal or No Deal, and I'm disgusted that I've let myself get so addicted.
SO, Resolution # Whatever for the New Year, LESS TV! And more books and scrapbooking.

Today is Kameryn's 9 month birthday, and I will write her Love Letter tomorrow after her appointment. And mine. Wish us both luck!

A New Nickname

Jay, Kameryn and I went to Jay's parents house tonight to borrow their camera, and when we got there his brother, Rob, his wife Mackenzie and son Xander were there. Xander is almost three, completely adorable with brown hair and eyes and olive skin like his dad. He, like Kameryn, is very affectionate and gives hugs to everyone.
I'm impressed that he even knew who she was since Xander has only seen Kameryn twice since she was born, once in the hospital and once about 3 or 4 months after that. But when we walked in he got a huge grin on his face, looked at his mom and then pointed to the car seat, saying, "Look Mom! Cousin Kamera!"
Close enough. :)

Postsecret.com

My confession for the night is that it used to be a tradition for me to look at postsecret.com every Sunday, it was my Sunday morning ritual. Now I stay up late enough and check it Saturday nights, and then I feel a little bit guilty afterward for jumping the gun.

I'm completely in awe and also jealous of Frank for coming up with such a unique and unifying idea. Some of the secrets posted on his site are funny, and sometimes when I'm done reading them I feel unsettled and sad, but either way I always hate when I get to the last one. There's something so addicting about people stating the truth in such bold, unwavering ways. Even when the secret is sad or disturbing, it's nice to have it out there instead of hidden behind the masks we all wear every day.

I highly suggest going onto postsecret.com and watching the interviews with Frank that are available to download. I loved watching them. There's one moment in one of the videos when it shows Frank opening his mailbox and there are hundreds of postcards filling it to the brim, and I would love to sit and read them with him. What an amazing idea to give people a place to go with things they wouldn't otherwise tell anybody.

Going Under the Knife, or the 3 mm Punch, as the Case May Be

At work we do a lot of mole biopsies. It probably averages out to one a day, we're in the treatment room quite a bit cutting things off people. When I started working at my office I dreaded doing these procedures with the doctors because it's just the three of us in the room, doctor patient and me, and when they'd ask me to grab something for them I would get nervous if I didn't know what it was or where to find it.

I remedied this fear by telling both the other MAs that anytime there was a mole biopsy, removal, or cyst removal, I wanted to be the one to do it. Once I got the hang of it I realized I kinda like it, and can't really explain why. I still flinch when the patient gets the shot, and I don't like the blood, but there's still something about it that interests me.

Well, I've been watching these procedures, ALL of them during my shift, for at least 6 months now. In fact, when the doctors are walking down to the procedure room they let me know because they expect I'll be the one to help them.

Well, it didn't take long before I started looking at my own moles and wondering which of them look suspicious. And with how often the patient's moles come back as cancer, or pre-cancer, I've started to worry about it.
So I've made an appointment on Tuesday to have my most worry-some mole biopsied. I'm scared, but I've seen it so many times that I know exactly what to expect. I'm not going to die early of something as preventable as skin cancer. I'm saving my cause of death for "Dr. Pepper Overdose."

Telling the Truth: Proof to All I Watched my Sesame Street

My manager came up to me today asking if I had seen the Kenalog anywhere. I told her I didn't know anything about it, which was true. I had seen a bottle of it out on the counter a couple days ago, but it had been used so I threw it away.
My co-worker, who hadn't heard the previous conversation with my manager, came up to me afterward and she asked if I had seen the Kenalog since it was gone AGAIN, and I told her the same thing. I didn't know where it was. She said, mostly in passing, "You know it's a multi-dose vial, right?"
Well, um, no.
Just the look on my face gave her the answer and she said, "Well, you don't need to confess." aka "I won't tell on you, dork."
To rub it in, my manager returned holding the key to the cupboard where the Kenalog and such things are kept and said, "I'm gonna just keep it locked from now on, then. This is the second time in the last little bit that this has happened, and I'm starting to think the patients might be taking it. They sit in there for long enough sometimes, they easilly could go through the cupboards and take anything they wanted."
I was sitting there listening to her feeling like a kid who had stolen a candy bar. And you read it right, I've done this NOT ONCE, now, but twice.
"So if you guys need to get into the cupboard then come get the key from me, okay? I just don't know what else to do and this needs to stop happening."
My confession must've sounded SO dorky.
"(Manager's name,) I'm the one who's been taking it. I threw it away because I didn't know it was a multi-dose vial."
She just stared at me for a second, and then started laughing and hugged me. It was the best response I could've hoped for, but I still felt totally dumb.
"Oh good!" She says, "I really would rather that you just tell me that, then we know where it's going and you won't do it anymore." She looks at the key she's still holding and says, "Alright, I guess we won't have to do this after all!"
I still feel like a dork. Yep, Kjersti's clued in now, problem solved. She'll stop throwing away the perfectly good injections.
The good thing about the story is that I just told her the truth and didn't let her go on thinking the patients had taken it. I don't know any patient who would want to steal Kenalog, since the only thing I know about it is it's an anti-inflammatory injection, but I'm the first to admit patients have done weirder things.

So learn from my mistakes: If you see a bottle of Kenalog on the counter, PUT IT BACK IN THE CUPBOARD.

The end.

A Total Wimp

Having Kameryn has turned me into the biggest wimp. Honestly, a cry-at-commercials-and-during-talk shows kind of wimp.
There's some things I can't even tolerate anymore. I own the movie "Ransom" and I loved it, but I've tried to watch it since Kameryn and I had to turn it off.
I also got the movie "The Missing" for Christmas and I love it, I've watched it a couple times since then. In it, there's a part where the main character's daughter, Lily, who's been kidnapped gets herself free and is going to escape. She wakes up another of the captives to go with her, a young mom with a sick daughter. During the night the daughter died. The mom is in total denial of it and says, "No, that's just the way she sleeps." Lily hands her the gun so she can go get the horses (it's a western-type) but the mom walks a little way off and shoots herself. I remember watching it the first time and being totally disgusted by the mother character. But now I get it. And I almost can't blame her.
So this is turning into a depressing blog, and I don't mean it to. I just didn't expect that having a baby would make me so much more sensitive to everything. I get so much more joy out of simple things, but I also get more upset. And I get misty-eyed about almost everything.
I know I can't protect Kameryn from everything that will happen to her, and the magic she believes in will eventually wear away. I just don't ever want her to lose her love of life.
Above all, I want her to know that she has a mom that loves her. More than anything. I love sitting with her and enjoying simple moments. She makes me so happy, I'm so proud of her, and I can't wait for everything I'll get to show her as she grows older. I don't know exactly why, but since she was born I've been so excited to take her to Sea World. I haven't been myself, but I want to take Kameryn so we can see it together. That's how much of a dork I am.

A Thousand Words

There's probably a rule against doing what I'm doing tonight, which is using pictures on my blog which are currently on another family member's blog. Not only are they on Danae's blog, but Danae took all of these pictures. But they're so good, I almost can't help myself.

I think it's impossible to keep yourself from smiling when you see this last picture of Isaac. He is the most precious, beautiful boy. I can't believe how old he is already. His smiles melt me, I can't wait until he starts laughing.

Jay said that while he was watching Kameryn and Isaac today there was a point when they were staring at each other and cooing at each other. I wish I had seen it. Kameryn loves Baby Isaac so much, and he seems to be paying more attention to her, too.

I love these kids so much.

Choice

I've been thinking lately about how easilly small choices can make a big difference. Sometimes when I'm driving to work I even go so far as to wonder what difference it will make in my day if I hit a certain light red or green. That might be a little extreme, but I do see the chain reaction small choices make, like how if I get a late start to work and then hit all the lights red between here and the freeway, I'm more frustrated when I get to work. Then the entire day is different than if I were running late in the morning and I miraculously hit all the lights green.

I also think that small things in a person's life might be leading them to where they'll eventually end up, like when I thought I got the job here at the gas station in Bountiful so I quit my job in Salt Lake only to find I didn't have the job after all. At that point I made the decision to go to school to be an MA. But what if I had gotten the job at the gas station? I wonder where I would be now if that had been the case.

I can tell that my life right now is pretty mundane, pretty safe. I know what will happen tomorrow most of the time. But I wonder how my life now will effect my life 6 months from now. I want this year to be a year when things change, opportunities arise and big plans get set into motion, and I wonder what little choices will help get me from here to there.

More Baby Rants

Right now I'm listening to Jay read Kameryn her bedtime stories in the other room. It's the first time since she's been in her crib that he's put her to bed, mostly because he usually is in bed by the time she's going to sleep. Even on weekends. So it's a nice change for him to do it, but also a little hard for me to give up, as crazy as that sounds.

Kameryn is in a phase where she wants Jay or me around, and she always kisses us and hugs us. A couple times at my mom's house she would be across the room and then see Jay and crawl up to him as quickly as she could. I think it has to be one of the best feelings to have someone that we love so much show so sweetly that she loves us back.

Kameryn is pulling herself into standing position more and more, and Chelsee has started the "Let's learn how to walk!" stage. I really can't believe that her birthday is only a couple months away. Time is flying by.

I really love watching my family with her, and it was really fun to see how sweet Wesley was to her. She's so lucky to have so many people that love her so much.

Slacker

I just need one more day of weekend.

I have this bad habit of always playing Sundays away, usually with Gary and Danae. Today it was with my entire family for most of the day. We had breakfast this morning, went on a coffee run, sat and played some Mah Jong, made a Dr. Pepper run, sat and played some Golf and Mormon Bridge, went and ate dinner, and then went home and played more Golf. The best thing was that we were constantly laughing and always having a good time.

The only thing I regret about today is that I didn't clean one bit of my apartment. I didn't even do as much as taking a garbage out. A smart person would say I should just go do it now instead of blogging about how I didn't do it, but Kameryn is sleeping and Jay's still in bed, and I want to snuggle up with him before he has to go in the next hour or so.

I think the answer is I'll have to come home from work tomorrow and just start cleaning up, even if I am exhausted. It's totally WORTH IT!

Las Vegas

This weekend is shaping up to be my favorite in a long time. I love having family around, and to have my ENTIRE family around is so much fun for me. We went and got family pictures today and then went to eat at Tapanyaki, a place I had never been and really had no desire to go, but after tonight I would LOVE to go back. The atmosphere was so fun and the food was great, I really see the tragedy that the on in Bountiful burned down now. And after seeing the show, I'm not at all surprised.

Anyway, the subject of my family being together brings up the subject of moving to Las Vegas. If Danae and Gary were to go, and it sounds like they really want to, I think we might end up going, too. Jay REALLY wants to, and I would love to have a project with my family like the coffee shop we want to start. I don't think I'd be any help at all in getting the money it would take to start it up, but I would love to work there and get things going. It would be nice to get out of Utah, at least for awhile and experience other places. I'd still LOVE to make it up to Oregon or Washington, but Vegas would be fun to do for awhile.

I would love for 2007 to be a year of change and something that can get us going in the right direction. If an opportunity presents itself that has that potential, I don't think I could pass it up.

Snuggles and Zombies

For the first time since September, Jay and I spent a night without the baby. My mom was kind enough to watch her tonight, and Jay, Wesley, Chelsee and I went up to Ogden for my first ever viewing of a Sundance film. Prior to this, the closest I've ever been to the film festival was two years ago Jay and I drove up to Park City. I don't know what his motivations were for sure, but I wanted to star-search. We got up there and got to Main Street, and there were people EVERYWHERE. We got out of the car and walked down the street a little bit, but it was so crowded, we had no money, and it was freezing, so after about 10 minutes we went back to the car and drove home.
And in a way, that story explains Jay and I to a T. But back to tonight.

The movie was in the Egyptian Theatre in Ogden, and the theatre was pretty full when we got there, so we sat close to the front. The movie was called "Fido" and it was about characters in a '50's-ish neighborhood who all have zombies as help. As in mowing the lawn and gardening and the newspaper-boy. They all are wearing collars and when the red light is on that means the zombies urge to eat human flesh is suppresed. And then if the red light goes off, you're in trouble.
It was halarious.

The short movie before it was called "Goodbye Mr. Snuggles", and I won't bother to explain that one because the best part of it was the title.

So it was a good night and fun to spend some time with Wesley and Chelsee without worrying about the baby. Too bad we're averaging about 4 months in between at this point!

A Quick One

In some ways I can't believe I just got out of bed to blog.

In other ways I totally can.

I made the fatal mistake tonight. I wanted to talk to Jay about something, so I went and got into bed with him after we got home. Kameryn fell asleep on the car-ride home and let me transfer her to her crob without too much hassle. She was probably worn out tonight from all the dancing Danae helped her do, including Riverdancing. It was so funny to watch.

Well, the mistake was that I cuddled up with Jay. He put his arms around me, and we were both out.

Wesley got home today, and I don't think I've ever had more fun watching someone with Kameryn. She wouldn't go to him at first, or anywhere near him because he's got a goatee and she has a personal motto not to trust anyone with facial hair. But as the day went on he let her touch his hair, which made her laugh, and tonight she was crawling toward him and let him hold her for a bit.

You have to watch him watch her, though, because he lets her get away with a lot. She was reaching for some wrappers that his Gyro were on tonight, and Chelsee kept pulling them out of her reach, and Wesley kept leaning in more so that she could still reach them. So finally Chelsee let her get them, and Wesley said, "Kid, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" while he tried to get them away from her. I think it was so classic. Hopefully it's funny and not a "you had to be there" story.

Anyway, I have kept my resolution and now I'm going back to bed.

A Sock Full of Beans

It's cold in Utah. Too cold. Aside from it being inconvienent when we're outside or after we're in the car but before the heat gets going, we have the small problem that OUR PILOT LIGHT KEEPS BLOWING OUT. So when the vents come on, you guessed it, they're blowing out COLD AIR. We've told our landlord who's sent someone to fix it, but it still goes out. Jay is constantly re-lighting it, but it seems to go out instantly. A bit of a problem in the winter when it's THIS DAMN COLD.
Last night after Jay left for work I couldn't get warm again, and finally I got our homemade hotpad (made out of a soccer sock and some beans which we warm up in the microwave---no laughing, Jay made it on the spot when I was pregnant and going into labor, and it works really well.) I threw it in the microwave and when it was warm enough, brought it into bed to keep my feet warm. Yes, in the absense of a husband, a sock full of beans will suffice. I was also worried about Kameryn and in my half-sleeping but still freezing state of mind I was trying to figure out which of her toys I could microwave and put in her crib with her to keep her warm.
So Wes and Allison, be warned. Frigid cold.

Off of that tangent, I have to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANAE! I love you and I'm glad I got to spend some time with you today - I had a lot of fun.

Wesley didn't quite make it to our frigid state since his plane was canceled, but hopefully we'll see you tomorrow. I can't wait, I'm really excited!

Kameryn is still sick, but tonight I read her 4 bedtime stories, turned on her mobile and turned off her light, and she didn't make a peep. That is seriously heaven. With any luck she'll sleep better tonight than last night, and we can get rid of this damn cold. She doesn't look like herself when she's sick and I hate it that she's feeling so miserable.

And I'm back off to work tomorrow, which I'm not looking forward to, but it will give me a chance to keep my New Years Resolutions and stand up to my coworker if that needs to happen. Plus it's only one doctor which makes things a little less hectic. I just can't wait to have Friday come and go so my family will be here and I will have money to spend. That's gonna be a good feeling.

A Day in the Life...

So, as for my meeting this afternoon, I was surprised to find that my office manager didn't expect me to lead the meeting. IN fact, she didn't really expect me to talk at all, and didn't really leave me OR my coworker a chance to say too much. The meeting was less about "What Kjersti Needs to Say" and more "This is how things are going to run from now on." I was a little disappointed, but at the same time it's motivated me to stay on top of it and tell my coworker what's on my mind as things happen. That will be a good lesson for me to learn anyway because I usually just bottle whatever it is I'm feeling, fuming about it, playing it over and over in my mind until I get upset about some tiny thing that doesn't deserve all the anger. If that's a habit I can break I will consider my resolution a huge success because not only is it a stupid habit to have, it takes way too much energy when the other option is simply sticking up for myself right as it happens.

So, in the meeting my coworker was told specifically what my job entails. And part of that was "Her job is to NOT do your job, just hers, and then she can ask you if you need help if she has nothing else to do." So we'll see if she listens. I'm betting on no, and then if she does I'll be really pleasantly surprised.

In other news, Kameryn is still sick. She's not coughing very often, she's just sneezing a lot and has a runny nose. So when the family gets together tomorrow night, everyone keep in mind that if Kameryn sneezes on you it's just her way of saying "I love you." And if she sneezes on you and then saturates your cheek in drool and snot, that means she REALLY loves you!

I took an X-ray (provided by Gary) to my doctor today and had him look it over. He said that my bones were smooth and he didn't see any bone spurs, but there was a thickening of white in-between my bones which may be early arthritis. He reminded me that "He doesn't do hips very often" and said we should send it to a radiologist for overread, but I've actually been feeling a lot better so I'm not too worried about it. He did say it would be smart to exercise it and lose some weight, which sounds like an awesome plan to me. I just wish it weren't so damn cold! Not everyone is as tough as Mom and can go out running in the cold and dark, and I'll be the first to say, I'm one of the non-tough ones.

And I'm happy to announce that I finished my second book of the year last night and started my third. My second book, "Burnt Toast" by Teri Hatcher was really entertaining and an easy read. It had a lot of really good ideas in it, but through-out I got a little jealous as she talked about all the places she's been, like swimming with a whale and a safari with her daughter in Africa. I would love to travel as much as she has, and I really hope I get to do a lot more.

And I think that's it for tonight. Danae, Happy Birthday tomorrow. Wes, I can't wait to see you tomorrow! Allie, I can't wait to see you and Steve this weekend! I love it when my family all gets together!

Speaking Out

Probably the most common new years resolution is to work out, get in shape, eat right and other things that involve becoming more healthy. I think I want to go along with this, but in my own way. I know I've already said it, but one of my New Years Resolutions this year is to make it a lifelong habit of sticking up for myself and not letting people use me and my good intentions for their own benefit.
I told the story about working for my coworker last Thursday even though I was sick, and then I took Friday off. When I got to work today all of the scanning from today AND Friday was sitting neatly on my desk, waiting to be scanned. So I went to my office manager tonight and said that I want to have a meeting with her and my coworker, and it's on for 1:00 tomorrow. The problem is since I initiated it I will probably get to lead the conversation, and I don't really know what to say. I'm trying not to overthink it because I don't want to worry about what will hurt her feelings and what won't because above everything else, I want to be honest.
I want to be happy. I think it's impossible to be happy if I keep muting myself because I'm afraid of what other people will think.

Getting so Big, Despite Being Sick

I spoke too soon last night. At about 2 in the morning Kameryn woke up just screaming, so I went and got her and brought her into bed with me. Her room has been so cold lately and I couldn't stand to leave her in there while she's sick. Having her with me made me remember how much I used to love it, cuddling with my sweet little girl. It also made me remember how happy I am that she sleeps in her own crib now.

More noteworthy, though, is when I went and got her out of her crib last night she was standing up, peering over the side at me. I wish the circumstance had been different because I didn't really praise her, I just took her out and brought her into my room. But who knows, maybe that's better than praise.

Tonight I'm hoping that my luck with hold out since Kameryn has fallen asleep and let me put her in her crib. I have about 10 pages left in my second book of this year, and I'd really like to finish it and then get to sleep. So I guess we'll see.

My Sweetest Girl

Kameryn is getting sick. I think I gave her what I had. It must be early stages of it because she seemed really happy through the majority of the day, but even this morning we could tell that something was wrong. She wanted me and only me, and she wanted me to hold her.
Jay's main goal for this morning was to watch the Seahawks and the Bears, rooting for the Seahawks as anyone who's seen his beanie would know. He got the beanie for Christmas and wears it constantly. And more importantly, proudly. Even today after they lost 24-27 in overtime. But we won't go there.
During the game Kameryn cuddled with me and fell asleep twice while I was holding her. This is unusual for her because she is very affectionate, hugging and giving kisses, but she also has cat-like curiosity about everything and when she's not being held she likes to play with and explore her toys. She hasn't fallen asleep in my arms for a long time because she's mobile now and that means there are PLACES TO GO and new things to bend and suck on.
It made it kinda funny watching the game and having to cheer and throw things quietly at the screen so we wouldn't wake her up.

Tonight, though, she did it again, falling asleep while I was holding her, and when she woke up I noticed she's started to cough. It's not as bad as mine yet but I can tell it's in the early stages when it's the tickle in your throat that coughing doesn't really alleviate, but it's coming.

I hate her being sick, and my mothering instinct is in FULL gear. I don't want to go to work tomorrow because I want to be with her. I know I can't make it go away or even make it go any faster, but if being close to her makes it a little easier for her to handle then I don't want to leave her. Not for anything.

She did me a favor tonight because I didn't know how I would have the heart to put her to bed if she started to cry when I left the room. So I stayed up with her, watching a movie, stroking her hair while she laid her head on my chest. And she fell asleep. Enough that I was able to put her in her crib, cover her in blankets and leave.
Tonight is the first night in a long time I can honestly say I wasn't ready for her to go to bed. I think it may be the first time I can say that since she was born.

I like the relationship her and I are developing. I like to be around her because she's so fun and easy to love. And even though I hate her being sick, I love how cuddly she is and how she'll snuggle in closer to me while I stroke her hair or rub her back. If I had it my way I really wouldn't ever have to leave her.

The Cheat

I have a nightly ritual that I stick to very well, which says a lot for me. I put the baby in her crib, read 2-3 books to her, and once I say goodnight to her I come into my bedroom and check the blogs of every member in my family, my friends, Dooce, and one that I found randomly and love. If I'm ready after that I blog, if not I check my E-mail, check people.com, check postsecret.com, look at some of the extra links on Dooce, and by that point I usually have something to blog about.

Not tonight.

So to help myself come up with ideas I've been reading my book, "Burnt Toast" by Teri Hatcher, and I talked to Kim for awhile, and both have been really enjoyable, but now it's 1:30 in the morning. My eyes are burning and I still don't have anything to blog about.

And there it is, a blog simply stating that tonight, I have nothing to say. But if you want some random facts/ thoughts before I go, here some are:

• Teri Hatcher has written an overall enjoyable book to read, though sometimes she is a little over the top. I finished "The Four Agreements" earlier this week and dove right into "Burnt Toast," and they're both pretty much saying the same things. "The Four Agreements" is more instructional and concise, and Teri Hatcher's book gives more anicdotes and talks about sex, but the message is still pretty close.
• Gary took a couple X-rays of my hip today, and let me tell you, I have GOOD LOOKING bones. The only hard part was the "Put your heels together and toes apart" part. You need to warn me before you start barking such odd commands at me. I'm not sure exactly what I ended up actually DOING with my feet, but everyone was laughing.
• THAT IS IT! I'm finally going to bed now!

What Do You Hear in these Sounds?

I called in sick to work today. I actually feel a lot better, but I decided yesteray sometime that I wasn't going to work today. So I stayed home, hoping to get my house cleaned, but it turned out so much better than that. I got to take a 2 hour nap with Jay while Kameryn slept in her crib, and then after Danae got off work we met her and Gary at Bajio's and then played Golf and Mah Jong up at their place.

I think if they end up moving, it really might have to be a group thing. Otherwise, I'll cry a lot and I'll be really bored. I'm not kidding.

Tonight I've decided to write about my favorite sounds. Growing up one of my favorite sounds was my dad sleeping in his room because he would snore. It wasn't loud and obnoxious, it was just enough to know that he was there, and almost soothing because of the rhythm.
In our apartment we can hear the guy above us snore at night, and it's not soothing, but it reminds me of my dad and the nights I would wake up scared from a nightmare or something and be comforted without having to move because I knew he was there.

I think one of my favorite sounds now is Kameryn's laugh. She has this sense of humor that I don't think anyone has figured out yet, but sometimes she'll just let out this delicious laugh at something random, and it's the kind of belly laugh that shakes her whole body. So far I haven't seen anyone who's able to ignore it. We find out what it is that made her laugh and we do it over and over until she's like, "Alright, you guys, it's getting old."

The last of my favorite sounds is the sound of the silence after Kameryn has been put to bed and she starts to cry. The crying tapers off, and then there's a silence that could almost bring ME to tears because it's so nice to hear.

The baby is sleeping.

If you don't get comfort from that sentence, either you're not a mom, or you have no soul.

The Good and the Bad

I wonder what it says about me that even though today was a reasonably good day, my first instinct is to sit down and bitch hardcore about everything that happened today. I think it might be that today is over, and while I'm happy I lived through it, I want to spread some of the misery around.

You know, for fun.

But I'm trying to remember the Four Agreements, and kept running them through my head as today progressed. Be Impeccable with your Word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best.

Let me tell you, being impeccable with my word got me a NASTY look this afternoon. I woke up this morning and realized instantly that I had slept on my neck wrong. It wasn't just kinked, it felt like I had to hold onto it or it would fall off. So, knowing that Danae was bringing Isaac over I took some Ibuprofen, since I knew that in taking care of a baby having a neck that moves isn't necessary, but it's a bonus. I've been taking Ibu daily lately, mostly for my hip, and I just popped the usual amount of pills.
I haven't felt good for awhile and recently my cough has started to sound like a seal barking. That, plus my runny nose and head-coldness, PLUS the fact that it was snowing today was enough to make me call into work. To which my manager replied, "Well, the problem is that (coworker's name) isn't here today. She said her car broke down. She said she's going to get a ride in."
So, sick and unable to merge onto the freeway safely because my neck still wouldn't turn, I drove into work. One of the doctor's was sitting in his office when I got there, and after I said hello I stood in the doorway and asked him, "Can I take a decongestant with 1000 mg of Ibuprofen in my system?"
"Why did you take 1000 mg of Ibuprofen?"
"I woke up this morning and my neck hurt, I could barely move it."
The shocked look he was giving me melted away for a second and he said, "Oh, so you have 500mg pills and you took two?"
This is where the impeccable-ness with my word kicked in.
"No, I have 200 mg pills and I took 5."
It wasn't the best thing to admit to the doctor.

The day progressed and I kept telling myself that I just had to wait until my co-worker got there and I could go home. IN fact, the office manager told me that she had talked to the doctors and they had told her they wanted her to go pick my co-worker up, or they would pay for a taxi to get her, and as soon as she got there I could go.

Well, when they finally got ahold of her she told them that her car was in the shop and she was freaking out about it, and while my manager was on the phone with her she started crying. So they told her she didn't have to come in after all, because I could handle it. She said this ignoring the fact that I had taken a box of tissues out of one of the rooms and the trash sitting next to me that was full of them.

The good thing about how today ended up is that I've had trouble of my own recently, my car broke down and I was sick, and with all the holidays mixed in I haven't worked a full week in awhile. So the good part is that I think I showed that I'm committed to the office, which I like. The lame thing is that instead of getting to leave early, I was the one that set the alarm when I left LAST. After EVERYONE else.

I made it home okay, even though I still could only turn my head one way, and when I got home Jay had dinner made, which is always nice and a huge bonus on a day like today. So we sat down with our roast and vegetables and watched a couple episodes of "The Office." And after I had eaten and enjoyed my first helping I asked Jay to get me some more, which he did. And as he was setting the plate down he said, "Yeah, did I mention that this is buffalo?" I looked at him, really hoping he was joking. He wasn't. I didn't eat the second helping. I'm not exactly sure WHY it grosses me out so much, but it really does. So here's the new rule for all the adventurous eaters who want me to try new things: Either tell me before I've eaten anything so I can decide for myself if I want to try it, OR wait until I'm done and THEN tell me. That's the new rule. Please follow it closely.

At last, today is over, the baby is sleeping, I've done my bitching and I can now go to bed. I only hope that sleeping tonight will improve the neck situation and not make it worse. And I may call in sick tomorrow, just for good measure. It might be nice sitting home tomorrow popping my 5 Ibuprofen pills and Entex PSE while watching Court TV.

Then and Now

There's something so strange about reading Kameryn books my family used to read to me when I was little. We have this one called "The Very Busy Spider," which is actually an odd book. We got it for Kameryn for Christmas because when we saw it at Barnes and Noble I remembered how much I loved it. The story is pretty much that a spider lands in a doorway or something in a barnyard, and all the animals seem to come over and ask her if she wants to do something with them, and she never answers because she's building her web. And not to ruin the end for you, but at the end she catches a fly in her web and then falls asleep because it's been a very busy day.

I know, it's an odd thing to write a story about. But in my defense, the book we bought because Jay couldn't resist it is a story about a mouse who picks a strawberry, tries to disguise it because the narrator tells him a bear is coming to eat it, and then at the end he has to eat it so the bear won't come and steal it. Problem is I think the narrator is lying about the bear the whole time and tricks the mouse into sharing half the strawberry with him.

BUT ANYWAY. There was a point to this, and it's that when I read Kameryn the spider book and the animals come up to talk to her, I still do their voices the way my family used to when they read the book to me.

I probably sound crazy, but it's such a weird experience.

Also, I hope I don't get in trouble because I didn't ask before I decided to post this, but this is a picture from when Kim was down at Thanksgiving.
This is weird for me because Kim is my friend that I've known the very longest, I don't even remember meeting her. We've been friends forever. And this is her with my baby. I love Kameryn so much and it's fun to see people play and interact with her, but it's especially fun when it's someone I've known for so long. I'm so grateful to have such good friends, and I really hope that as Kameryn grows up she'll make friends like I had that are lifelong.

Baby Food and Doctor's Visits

So, our little trip to the doctor was about 50% successful. The doctor checked Jay out first, putting his arms in all different positions and seeing what hurt and what didn't. And after his interview to see what symptoms Jay was having and his physical assesment, he said, "Wow, well, that's really strange." This really isn't my favorite thing to hear the doctor say. He took an X-ray, which came back fine, and they decided at last to give Jay a Cortisone shot, which is a shot that went into his shoulder. It's supposed to help for a little bit because it has Lidocaine in it, and then when that wears off it will hurt, possibly more than it did when we came in initially for a couple days, and then it's supposed to get better for a couple months. So we're hoping it works.

As for me, the doctor had me explain my pain, then had me lay down and twisted my leg this way and that way to see what hurt, and when he was done he said, "Well, I think we should get an X-ray to make sure there isn't a bone spur or anything, but I'm guessing it will come back fine, and then I'll have to refer you to another doctor." Just like that. "I do shoulders and knees, as you know, but I'm not trained to do too much with hips." And then when we got my co-worker to have her do my X-ray, she said her table was broken. So we didn't even get to do that. So I'm still in pain, and am no closer to knowing what's wrong.

And who has a hurt HIP at 22?! Come on now. I thought I got another good 40-60 years before I dealt with this.

Anyway, tonight was another night of staying at home. We put on Baby Einstein for Kameryn and let her crawl around, which she loved, and Jay and I sat on the couch and read. When we weren't getting sucked into watching Baby Einstein. That stuff is kind-of addicting

I also had another successful night in terms of my goal of feeding Kameryn baby food every night, and tonight was green beans. She did really well, but got it all over her face. And of course, I couldn't resist.

This and That

My first news of the night is that I officially have the 17th off, so whatever Danae-and-Wesley celebrations that are going on, I'm there and ready to party. I think we should all take work off to hang out as a family more often. Maybe once a week. Every other day?

Overall I had such an awesome day today, and it's only going to get better because Jay has the night off and so I get to sleep next to him all night long. He is already sleeping by this point, but that just means he's getting the bed warm.

You know those moments in life when you can look at what's going on right then and you know that you wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world? I had one of those tonight. I don't explain them on my blogs most times, just because they're so personal that someone reading about it could easilly think, "And? What's so great about that?" But tonight I want to write about it because I want to remember it.

I was cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes, and Jay had turned on a CD and was holding Kameryn, dancing around and singing to her, and she was laughing. I still am easilly touched by them being together. Then later on tonight Kameryn was having a hard time going to bed, (again) and she was taking her bottle and leaning back on me, but we were playing with Jay's hair because he was leaning on me too, and when I moved her hand so his hair was running between her fingers, she would laugh, and then sit up and move until she could see his face, which put her face about an inch away from his. All the while she's laughing and cooing. Stuff like that makes it easy to stay up late. I love us being together as a family.

I'm really close to being done with the Four Agreements, which would put my list for "Books I've Read During 2007" to a hopping #1. Compared to mom's list of the books she read last year I know I have some work ahead of me, but luckilly the second agreement that I'm reading about is "Don't take anything personally." So I'm not going to think about it too much, I'll just keep reading. I think I may add some of the books she read to my list, like "To Kill a Mockingbird." I love that book.

The family is off to the doctor's tomorrow. I'm going to have him check out my hip since the pain is still alive and kicking even though Allison did what she could to relieve it. Also, Jay is having his shoulder checked out because it hurts and sometimes his fingers go numb. So it's gonna be interesting. I think there might be X-rays involved, and I've never seen my bones before. So I'm pumped.

Baby Mama Trauma (Because That's The Way I Roll)

It's become obvious to me that I have a problem with follow-through.

I"m going to try and look at that fact as more of an enticing challange than a failure, even though I think it could go either way.

The worst part is that the place I see it the most right now is with Kameryn. Though at one point she was getting really good at eating her baby-food, we slacked off and now trying to feed it to her is like starting back at square one. That fact is especially hard to believe since we've started her on stage 2 food now, which is mostly dessert. I could get her to eat peas, but I totally fail when it comes to Hawaiin Delight. I don't quite understand it.

Also, I've been slacking off when putting Kameryn to bed. Instead of doing it the same time every night and the same way every night, I've been making it easier on myself and putting her to bed with a bottle. I also go into her room to hold and comfort her sometimes when she cries in the middle of the night. Tonight it seems obvious that she's figured me out, and she knows if she cries long and loud enough, I'll come back.

And let me tell you, this baby knows how to SCREAM when she's crying.

I still have the same dilemma I had when I was first teaching her to sleep in her own crib; it's hard for me to know that I could stop her crying so easilly if I just go pick her up. She has been sleeping so well until lately so I find that my patience for letting her cry things out has dwindled down to almost nothing.

I wonder if anyone has any advice for me. At what point do I just let her cry it out, and when should I go and pick her up? Is she old enough now that I can spoil her if I come everytime she cries?

I just want to be a good mom. I wish I knew exactly how to be one.

Resolution #3

I've always been better about following resolutions when I write them down, and that's why I'm writing about them one after another. It also helps to write them on a blog, because even though I'm not promising anything to anyone, I know people can read what I say, and in that way it almost feels like I'm promising it to everyone.

I've been reading more of "The Four Agreements," and it's such a small book it's easy to zip through, but I had to stop because it's short and precise, and as such every sentence is an idea in and of itself. Trying to read through it quickly is putting too many ideas in my head and I can't sort them out, so I'm slowing down to wrap my head around everything it's trying to tell me.

Right now I'm on the Chapter called "Be Impeccable with Your Word." And yeah, for anyone that has read the book, that is Chapter 1. It has a lot to say about how your word is your power of creation, and how easy it is to misuse words and betray ourselves and hurt other people. So by being impeccable with your word you can free yourself and help other people.

I really like the thought of it so far, and this is something I really want to work on.

I know, as an example, that even small things can make my day better or worse really quickly, especially when I'm at work. On Friday I got to work and sat down at my desk and started doing refills, and after a few minutes one of the doctors I worked for walked out of a room he had been in. He said hi to me, and I said hi back and asked him how his morning had gone, and he said, "It was okay, but I'm really glad that you're here." It was so simple, but it meant a lot to me. Especially coming from a person that I respect so much.

So I want to be better about saying out loud the nice things I think to myself but, for whatever reason, don't say. And I also want to be better about saying a lot more of the good stuff and avoiding a lot of the bad stuff. Except about snow. With snow, all bets are off.

E is for Eeyore

There's a combination that, when put together correctly ALWAYS seems to results in the same outcome. The first is that we get paid on a Friday. The second is that Jay comes down to work with me, and the third is that he's awake instead of sleeping soundly in one of the un-used rooms. Putting these things together results in Kameryn getting new clothes. It's not even always Jay, sometimes I initiate, sometimes I just help, but we love buying new clothes for Kameryn. We're addicted.

However, I don't think there's an outfit she's loved as much as this one. So far, this one wins.

Once again you have to forgive the blurry pictures, and that's a shame in and of itself because if our camera worked better than we would've gotten some awesome pictures. She was posing in this outfit like a pro. American Baby Magazine, I feel your pain at all the money you've lost by not choosing Kameryn. "Big mistake. Big. HUGE."

The Snow and my Loathing

I hate the snow.

I know that's not the best way to start off a blog, but that's the mood I'm in. And as for the snow, I DO NOT understand people who wish for it. And to top that off, I don't understand WHY Utahans seem surprised when it snows. I watched the news tonight (which, admittedly, didn't help my mood. I really need to quit doing that.) and they told how many accidents there were today. There were so many, they broke it down by the COUNTY. And Salt Lake County had over 100. GUYS! This isn't the first time this has happened!!! Don't drive like morons!

I was driving to work today and a whole bunch of us were stuck behind three snowplows. Someone explain this one to me. They weren't scattered, each plowing the snow. Better than that. They were IN A LINE. Like a snowplow parade. I can understand two snowplows both going the same direction. But 3?! When you're the last guy, aren't you feeling a little obsolete? And then they all got off at the same exit. Not an exit leading to main roads that needed to be plowed, just some random exit past some houses off I-215. And they didn't get off because their work on the freeway was done. The third lane was still WHITE because it had been so long since they plowed. But there went the three of them, probably to go sit and chill at a coffee shop or something. I just shook my head, and of course my first thought was. "I'm blogging about that later."

So maybe the blogging every day idea isn't so good when I'm in such a bad mood. It's been a LONG day, I know I should just get some sleep. The problem is that on the news (there it is again, fouling up the night!) they said now that the storm has moved south we should expect the "lake effect" and it should snow a bunch more tomorrow. And we should be especially careful on the morning commute, because it's gonna get ugly. To top that off, afterward they had a segment on HOW TO DRIVE SAFELY IN THE SNOW. And you know what they said? "In whether conditions such as these, it's really important to slow down."

Glad they helped us out with that one. Is it possible to buy that on DVD so I can own it and keep it forever and ever? Just so I don't forget later on?

And does anyone know what the "lake effect" is?

The answer is so simple that it's like a slap in the face: I really need to move. Allie, move over because I'm moving in next door.

Resolution #2

This year for Christmas I asked for a bunch of books, thinking that I wanted to make the resolution of reading a book a month. Then after Christmas, Danae and I went to Barnes and Noble where they were having an incredible sale, books were only $2. So I bought a bunch more. So my resolution, simply, is to READ THEM. I hate buying a book and then having it sit on a bookshelf, ESPECIALLY when I spend my time watching TV instead. I don't know why I do that, especially since reading is so much more rewarding anyway.

The book I chose to read first is "The Four Agreements" which is one that Allison highly recommended. She explained that it's actually translated and so the writing in it is kind-of simplisitc, but it's still really profound. I started it the night before last, and I'm only a couple pages into it, but already I have to admit I'm a little bit lost. So that's a bad sign. But I'm gonna keep going and hope that things work themselves out, otherwise I'm gonna worry about myself. More than I already do.

I'm hoping that writing every day will help with my writing, and reading everyday will also help with my writing. Then, what I read can help with having things to write about. So as long as I don't slack off, it should work really well.

And as a sidenote, if you are going to spend your time watching a movie, Wesley was COMPLETELY RIGHT about Lady in the Water. It is a really good movie, an 8 or 9 out of ten in my book. The acting is really well done, and the story is just really beautiful. It's funny that all the critics tore it apart, because I wish there were more movies like it.

2007

The New Year's Eve tradition of staying up until midnight was not designed with moms in mind. I know how crabby that sounds, but it's true. Danae and I were both fighting to keep ourselves awake until midnight, and we were both so relieved to see it come and go. Don't people understand how valuable sleep is? And who said it's okay to set off fireworks AFTER MIDNIGHT?! Celebration schmelebration, you wake up the baby, you're DEAD.

It was on that note that I started out my new year, so I think we can all pretty well assume that it's mostly up-hill from there.

I have all sorts of partial resolutions in mind, a lot of them being the same ones I had last year, but one thing that I'd like to do this year is blog every day. I'm the first to admit that blogging every day doesn't always yield the best results, but I like the state of mind I get into when I know I'll be blogging later. I pay more attention to the little things in my day, and I find more humor in situations. I also don't get as upset at annoying situations, because knowing that I could blog about it seems to diffuse the situation.

That said, I don't think it will really surprise anyone that I find it hard to believe that we're into a new year. I'm still working on catching up with how quickly time flies by. This fact can most readilly be emphasised by the fact that last night while talking to Jay I had to stop mid-sentence because I couldn't remember how old I am. And instead of thinking about it for a second and having it dawn on me, I had to ask Jay, because I honestly DIDN'T REMEMBER. Years are so tricky, whizzing by all on their own! How could I possibly keep track after 21?!

Looking back on 2006 I have to say that it was a pretty monumental year for me, since Kameryn was born in April and Isaac was born in October and I wouldn't trade those facts for anything. I also have been at my clinic for over a year, which is partially insane but will look good on a resume. Overall I'm pretty happy with what I do, a lot of the time I'm proud of all that I've learned and how I'm constantly learning new things. My main goal for this year is to get Jay back into school so he can have a normal job that he likes as much as I like my job. I really think things are going to get harder before they get easier as far as that goes, but I think it will be worth it.

I have really high hopes for this year. I'm excited to see everything that the year will bring.

Love Letter, Month 8

Sweet Kameryn Lee-

I think the biggest change I've noticed from last month is how well you've learned to communicate. I think your official first word would have to be "Mama" because you started saying it first and it also seems like you use it knowing it's meaning first. But splashed in with "Mama's" we've got "Dada's" and "Ba-ba" and "Yeah" with big, full body head nods, and most recently we've added "Hi." It sounded for awhile like you were saying hi, and I couldn't really be sure, but in the last couple days Danae taught you how to wave, and now you know to wave and say hi. So now it's pretty un-disputable. And I'm amazed by how smart you are.

This month you've also started to prefer being held by me or your Dad. You had already started reaching for the person you wanted last month, but now you've added pulling your arms away when someone wants to hold you and you don't want them to. Even when your Dad and I are holding you, though, you can't seem to decide who you want to be with more, and sometimes you want to be passed from one to the other, and sometimes you want us to be close enough together that you can be with us both. You love it when we all snuggle together and you have one hand on Mom and the other on your Dad. It makes you laugh out loud sometimes, and sometimes it completely calms you.

Aunt Chelsee got her way this month and ON CHRISTMAS DAY you decided to learn to crawl. You're still figuring out all the ins and outs of it and trying to work out the details. One of the things you're still working on is you seem to be able to push off with one leg stronger than the other, and when you want to go in a straight line to something, you end up going off to the side. You're working it out, though, you've already taught yourself to go backward a bit and then try again, and I've no doubt that by this time next month you'll be all over the apartment, exploring everything that you couldn't quite reach before.

It's amazing to watch your mind work. When you were trying to learn how to wave, Danae was showing you and she would put her hand up by her face. So you'd put your hand up next to your own face, but you wouldn't move your hand quite yet. Grandma and Dad joined in waving to you and you seemed to watch them all so intently, but still didn't move your hand quite yet. I was holding you and we walked away to go get something out of a closet, and when my back was turned to the group and I was the only one watching, you starting waving your hand. I'm interested to see if this is the way you are later in life: You seem to study what you want to learn, but then you prefer to be alone when you try it for the first time.

The other night I could tell that you were so tired and it was close enough to your bedtime that I took you and had you lay down in your crib. You grabbed your bottle and could barely keep your eyes open, so I walked out of the room. You started crying as soon as I left, but I figured with how tired you were it would take a couple minutes and you would be sleeping soundly. After about 10 minutes, though, you were still crying and I couldn't handle it anymore, so I went into your room and picked you up. You threaded your hand through my hair until you had a solid handful, making sure I couldn't get away, and then you cuddled up to me with your head on my shoulder. I started rocking you and singing to you, and you would pull your head back to smile at me and kiss me, and then you would cuddle with your head on my shoulder again. Your dad finished what he was doing and came in to say goodnight to both of us, and you reached for him. The three of us were close enough together that you were cuddling with us both, and you went from kissing your daddy to kissing me, then you'd kiss him again and kiss me again. After we had stood there for a bit, I put you back into your crib. You cuddled up underneath the blanket, grabbed your bottle, and you were asleep before I left the room.

I can't even tell you how happy you make me. I think everyone would agree that you're just fun to be around. You have so much personality, and it may seem weird to say, but I really think of you as my best friend along with being my baby. I still catch myself, especially when you call me "Mama" and I answer to it, and I can't believe I'm your mom, especially when you're so perfect. I find it to be an honor to get to spend all my time with you and show you new things. You're so smart and beautiful and fun.

We went to a family Christmas party, and some of my cousins were holding and playing with you, and Lauren said, "You know, there should be an order form that you can fill out when you're about to have a baby. You should be able to say that you want a Kameryn or an Isaac, and then if you get bratty kids instead you should be able to send them back for a full refund." And I think Danae and I both agree that we do have great kids. Kids other parents could, and if they're smart, SHOULD be jealous of.

'Cause Kami, I think you're the best one.